My Last Bad Decision

Last December while I was in Vegas with the bloggers, I made it very clear that I was broke and lots of people stepped up and bought me drinks, dinners, and just really made me feel good and bad all at the same time. Good to know I had so many friends willing to help me have an excellent time and bad because there is always some amount of guilt involved in accepting people's kindness when it is in the form of money. Anyway, thanks to everyone who picked me up at the airport, bought me drinks or food, gave me some spending money to gamble, paid for a cab or bus ride, and talked me into going to see Steel Panther (definitely a highlight of the trip). I really appreciate all of you and hope that someday I can find a way to repay you.

Once I got back to reality I had to deal with my financial situation. While I was in Vegas I had a plan in place and now was the time to act on it. In February I filed for Bankruptcy. This was not an easy decision for me but I had 15 years of debt accumulated and not enough money coming in to cover the payments. Plus, when you add in some not so wise decisions I made earlier in 2008, I was royally screwed. I'm not going to go into the gory details of the bankruptcy. I go to court on April 6th and, provided none of the creditors come after me, it should all be finalized by the end of the month. When you add that to the loss of my job at the hospital (it officially closes April 10th), lets just say my birthday month is going to kind of suck.  So, to that end I made one last bad decision.....next week I will be in Las Vegas again.

I know this is going to disappoint some of you as I really have no business going anywhere with  my financial situation being what it is and I really have no good reason other than I need to get away one last time before everything hits the fan. Shelly got a good room rate and the airfare wasn't bad. I withdrew most of my Full Tilt money and should be all set for inexpensive food and some light poker play. I will stay away from slots and all other -EV games. I'll walk instead of taking cabs (except to and from the airport which I have managed to synchronize with Shelly so we can share). But, most importantly, I'm going to have fun and not think about the impending court date or my last weekend at the hospital or the news I got last week about a family member. Starting one week from today none of that exists until I get back from my happy place.

Until next time....cut up all your credit cards now!!!!

In A Daze

I had hope that the New Year would be better, that I had hit the bottom and could only go up but, apparently, I was wrong.  This year has not gotten better and I feel like the hole is just getting deeper and soon I won't be able to see the light at the top. I've made a mess out of my life and I no longer know how to fix it.  While solving my financial problems will help, it won't be enough to get me out at this point.  I'm not even sure medication can do it anymore.  I'm overwhelmed and feel like I no longer have control over anything.  It's not a place I want to be but I'm not sure how to get to a better place.  

I just keep falling and, when I think I've hit bottom, it turns out to just be a ledge and I eventually start falling again.  There has to be a bottom....right?

TV Rant - Grey's Anatomy

WARNING: There may be spoilers, read at your own risk.

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  He plays a hot dead guy and, let's face it, playing dead has kind of become his niche, but his storyline on Grey's has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! If the show hadn't yet jumped the shark, and I personally think it jumped when Meridith didn't die, it definitely jumped the day Izzie had sex with a dead guy.  The thing is, I can't stop watching!  I need to know where this crazy storyline is going.  Is Denny there to take Izzie to the great beyond and, if so, how is she going to die?  Will Eric Stoltz slit her throat or will Christina finally try to murder Meredith only to have Izzie jump in the way and get killed instead?  

Really people, why is this Izzie banging a dead guy storyline so surprising?  Did we really take a show that uses the nicknames McDreamy and McSteamy so seriously in the first place?  Sure it makes no sense, but when has this show really made sense?  The interns don't look any younger than the residents.  They've had explosions, floods, and a bunch of other tragedies at the hospital.  Derek is in love with Meredith.  Does any of that really make sense?  

Let's just enjoy this show for what it is, a guilty pleasure that isn't taking itself so seriously.  Truthfully, there are enough serious dramas out there with Law & Order, CSI, Bones, House, and Ghost Whisperer (ok, maybe not Ghost Whisperer) that I don't mind a little bit of stupidity in my week.  As I said, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is hot and I can withstand a dumb storyline to see more of his hotness.  I just wish he'd change his clothes, that gray shirt is driving me nuts.  You would think that if a dead guy could have sex, he could change his clothes every once in a while.  

Estella Toby Jipson Eaton

This is my great-grandmother on her 100th birthday this past April.  A few days later there was a huge party with a couple hundred members of her family.  She had a brand new dress for the occassion and seemed to have a good time despite being overwhelmed.  Just a few short hours ago, this lovely lady passed away.  I don't know the details but she was 100 so I don't think it's that difficult to figure out.  

I don't have much more I want to say at the moment.  I'm still processing everything.  I will say that I'm glad I got back to Maine for her birthday party as I won't be able to afford the flight back for the funeral.  Anyway, it's probably better to remember her as she was last April 15th.

UPDATE: 

Funeral arrangements are in progress but she won't actually be buried until spring.  There will be another service at that time and my goal will be to fly out to Maine for that.

Apparently she knew her time was about up as, on New Years, she told one of the relatives that she wasn't going to need the TV anymore.  She lost a son a few years ago and her sister about a month ago and it was just getting harder for her.  It was her time.

Morning Walk Musings: Off to School, Part 1

This morning, while on my walk, I sent out the following twitter:

"Extra layer of warmth for walk today was a smart move. Still not as cold as when I would walk a mile in the snow, uphill, to school."

I'm not going to whine about how cold it is today because I'm from Maine and I know real cold.  I also know the second sentance of that tweet is actually the truth.  For 2 years I walked a mile to school every day, no matter what the weather, and there was a hill I had to trek up at the end.  Then, once I got to school, I'd have to wait outside with everyone else until the bell rang.  I usually didn't thaw out until second period.  I'm sure there are other people who can relate.  Most schools had a rule that if you lived less than 1 mile from the school, they would not provide bus service.  Here's the really crazy part.....I could have taken the bus.....my house was 1 mile from the school.

I lived in California during my elementary school years and, part way through my 4th grade year, we moved and I had to go to a new school.  The school I left behind was really nice.  There were small classes and everyone got along.  When I started the new school I discovered I was in a whole new world.  On my first day I was challanged to a fight after school.  The girl later backed down because she decided she liked me.  This school also became my first experience with "The Clique".  Back then I didn't know the term "clique" but I could see the kids would divide themselves into different groups during recess.  If you didn't know the secret "code" of the group, you weren't invited to join.  I found the whole thing rather strange but knew I wanted to belong somewhere, I just wasn't sure which group would accept my code.

Almost Time

In less than 12 hours I will be in the airport awaiting my flight to Vegas.  Although I'm somewhat excited, I'm also a little frustrated to be more limited in my spending than usual.  Let's face it, me not having much money for these trips isn't new.  One summer I left with just enough money for the cab ride to the airport after spending more than I had planned.  This time there will be no credit cards to go to and only one ATM stop allowed for a tiny bit of back-up cash I'll have available Friday.  The situation really has me less excited than normal.

I may make one exception to the dollar menu rule, however, for a trip to the Hofbraus,  provided the group doesn't try to ditch me again. ;) I had fun there and would really like to go again.  I'll just have to play it by ear and see how the money situation is when the time comes.  The hardest part of the whole thing is going to be getting myself out of this funk I'm in.  For four days I just want to forget about everything waiting for me when I return.  I really don't think that is too much to ask.

At the Airport

I'm sitting here, contemplating life.  That's what I do when I'm so tired that I can barely keep my head up.  I didn't get to sleep last night as early as I wanted because I remembered I hadn't checked in for my flight yet.  Southwest allows check-in 24 hours in advance and I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on group A just because I need some sleep.

I had an overpriced CPK pizza and now I'm drinking an overpriced Starbucks hot chocolate wishing it was time to get on the plane.  I need to be away from everything for a few days though I probably won't get away from my family much.  At least I won't have to listen to angry creditors on my answering machine or receive warning letters from my credit card companies.  It will all be here when I get back but the week of peace will be nice. 

Mom's divorce should be final tomorrow.  I'm sure she'll be happy and want to celebrate.  She's already got someone to celebrate with, I just hope he doesn't become husband number four.  I can't watch her go through this crap again.  She swears that they are just friends and going to take things slow but that's what she said about the last one and look where that got her.  Oh well, I'm 3,000 miles away so I'm not going to worry about it.

I've still got an hour before my flight leaves for San Diego.  Not sure what I'm going to do to pass the time but I think it will require no thinking on my part.  I'll just try to veg until it's my turn to board.

Tired

I'm at work and could fall asleep at any moment, not that anyone would notice.  I have the office all to myself and there is a nice comfy gurney in the corner.  We also have a keypad entry to the department that beeps when the code is being entered, so I have ample warning before someone comes in to get up off my ass and look busy.  Of course I'm too tired to get up and walk over to the gurney so I'll probably just fall asleep on my laptop and send incoherent IM's to people.

Big Congrats to Iggy for making the final table in the Latin Series of Poker event in Costa Rica!  I wish there was somewhere I could go for live updates when the action starts but I'll be on a plane later this evening and won't be able to check anyway.  I'll just have to wait for Tweet updates.  Kick some ass Iggy!

Let me rephrase that...

When I said I shouldn't go to Vegas I meant to add that since the non-refundable tickets and room are paid for, I will still be going.  I'll just be eating off the dollar menu at McD's instead of Craft Steakhouse (someday I will eat there!).  I'll be ordering iced tap water from the bar and not playing a whole lot of poker.  Of course a big paying job could come up between now and then but right now it's not looking good so I'm going to try to save enough money for the tournament buy-in, some money to eat on the cheap, and money for the cab fare to and from the airport.  Anything else will just not be possible as I can no longer use my credit cards for anything.

Anyway, that is the much shorter and much less pathetic post I was going to put up earlier.  I'll try to make my next post a little more upbeat.  I'm in San Diego next week with the nephew so there should be something good to blog about.  

Stuck

This was going to be a post about how broke I am and how I shoudn't go to Vegas but it sounded way to whiney and pathetic so I deleted it.

How's that for my first post in over a month?

Drama, Part 2

Before I get into the ridiculous thing that happened next in the story let me set-up a little background.  My soon-to-be ex-step-father is a big man.  He is about 6 feet tall and over 300 pounds.  He was in the military and served in Iraq the first time around.  He had some sort of special forces training so he is good with a gun and knows how to make explosives.  Personally, I was never comfortable around him as he always carries a side arm and his mental state is questionable though it didn't always seem that way.  He is on permanent disability from some sort of accident that happened in 2003 while he was a truck driver and takes so many drugs it's a wonder he isn't in a stupor most of the time.  He claims he is always in pain yet he is able to unload huge bails of hay from his truck, take care of 5 horses, a bull, 3 pigs and a bunch of chickens (though "take care" is a relative terms considering the bull's stall didn't get mucked out at all last winter), and he has been building fences and chopping wood.  Not bad for someone being taken care of by the state!  He knows nothing about finances or budgets and got in trouble with some Internet money order scheme earlier in the year.  I think the picture has been drawn sufficiently so now for the ridiculous part.

The day after my mom's birthday I went to pay the retainer for the lawyer.  I had it on good authority that my step-dad had been seen going into the courthouse that day so I mentioned it to the lawyer.  She grabbed me and we walked next door to the courthouse to see if she could get some information.  It turned out the asshole had filed for a protective order against abuse by my mother.  This big man with special forces training was scared of my 5 foot 4 inch, never hurt a soul in her life, mother.  Some of you met my mom a couple years ago in Vegas and I don't recall any of you recoiling in fear that she was going to beat the crap out of you.  Seriously, how ridiculous and what a waste of the courts time.

Since it was a Friday the order was granted.  Apparently if you want a bogus protective order granted Friday is the day to do it.  Judges don't want to take the chance of something bad happening over the weekend so they grant just about all of them.  A hearing was set up for the following Friday.

In the meantime my mom got upset all over again.  She didn't, and still doesn't, understand why he was doing all of this.  I mean, we know it was a ploy for him to keep her out of the house but still, a protective order???  I was back in California by the time the hearing happened and the order was thrown out.  My step-father was told he could remain in the house and my mom had made up a list of the items she wanted from the house and the judge said she had until November 1st to set up a time to get the stuff.  Of course my step father interpreted the order to mean that he could pick the day and time regardless of whether it was convenient for my mother.  That day and time turned out to be 2pm EST today.  Wait until you hear what happened with that.

Drama, Part One

I've been back from Maine for 2 weeks and in that time I've had a sinus infection and a bad allergic reaction to not one, but 2 drugs.  This is all just part of the joy of being me I guess.

I went to Maine to deal with what I called a family emergency.  It was more like family drama but no one looks at you funny when you say "emergency" they just assume someone is dieing and leave you alone.  

It all started on September 12th when I got a text from my mom telling me to call her.  When I eventually got through she was extremely upset.  It seems my jackass of a step-father had her served with divorce papers while she was at work.  Let's forget about how humiliating that is for a second, she was completely blindsided.  I'm not exactly sure how the next few hours played out but she ended up going home to find that the bastard had changed the locks on the door.  She had been locked out of her own house.  He did let her in to get some clothes but he basically kicked her out with no money and no where to go.

I spent the next hour trying to talk my mom down off a ledge.  She was being hysterical and unreasonable and scaring the crap out of me.  The second she suggested disappearing I knew I had to get on a plane.  I set her up in a hotel for the night and got on the red eye to Portland.  

When I got off the plane I took one look at my mom and thought for sure someone had died while I was in the air.  She looked devastated and when she hugged me I didn't think she was going to let go.  There was a lot of crying over the next few days as well as a visit to the house to pick up more stuff.  I resisted the urge to kill the bastard, since he carries a side arm with him at all times, and did my best to keep my mom from doing anything stupid.

I helped my mom hire a lawyer and set her up to live with my grandmother, her ex-mother in law.  My grandmother has always liked her better than my step-mother so she had no problem taking my mom in.  My mom also has her dog Toffee that she took from the bastard so I was comfortable with the set up.  My mom had a birthday while I was there and we had a small celebration for that.  Things were looking up when the asshole went and did the most ridiculous thing ever.....

How...

I'm supposed to head back to California next Thursday.  While I'm thrilled to get back to my life, I'm not sure it's the right time to leave.  The family drama isn't close to being over and in some ways has gotten worse while in others it is better.  I know I'm being cryptic but the details just don't need to be released on the Internet.  Anyway, my mom still needs me and I'm a little scared to leave her alone in her current situation.  So the question is, how do I leave someone who still desperately needs me?  

I can't stay here forever, I'm already going stir crazy and I'm very close to losing my job at the hospital.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  How good of a daughter do I have to be?  I've been a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, and I've loaned money that I don't have and probably won't see again....why do I still feel bad about leaving?

Not Much Time

It always amazes me how quickly things can change.  I've spent my morning getting my stuff together for a last minute flight to Maine.  There is some family drama going on that needs my personal attention.  All I'll say at the moment is my step-father is a bastard!

Look for twitter updates as I'm not sure how much Internet access I'm going to have.  I also don't know how long I'm going to be gone.  Luckily Jet Blue isn't screwing me too much for the ticket and they don't charge for the first checked bag.  I imagine I'll be flagged for extra screening though since I booked the ticket at the last minute, won't that just be an excellent start to a drama filled trip!

Until next time...whenever the hell that will be!

It's a Miracle

Yes, I'm actually blogging.  I hope my faithful reader doesn't bump her head when she faints from the shock.  I'm actually playing poker at the moment as well.  That's 2 miracles at once, you don't see that too often!

Here's a bullet form list of what has been happening in my life since the last blog post:

*The kitten has been named Milo.  No, not after the movie.  I've never even seen the movie.  I just liked the name and it seemed to fit.

*I've been incredibly busy with freelance projects.  Good thing because the hospital is either changing ownership or closing.  Both options could result in me losing my job there.

*I hurt my back over the weekend and have been on drugs ever since.  Luckily it was workers comp and I don't have to pay for the ER visit.  

*I've decided I will not be mentioning anything regarding politics on this blog.  My mind is made up regarding the election and no one is likely to change it.  I also doubt I will be able to change any other minds so I'm not going to bother.  I declare this blog a politics free zone!

*I'm going to Napa for a few days next week for some peace and quiet.  I can't wait!  No kitten biting my feet for 2 whole days!  I may play some poker at a nearby casino while I'm there, depends on how much wine tasting I do before I make a decision.

*I'm going to be in San Diego the week of Thanksgiving visiting with the nephew.  If anyone in the area wants to get together, drop me an e-mail.  I will need the break.  A whole week with a 2 year old is not my idea of a vacation.

*Finally, I will be in Vegas in December.  I'm actually staying at the IP for the first time in a couple of years.  I got a great package deal through Travelocity.  The first person who makes some snide remark about how I don't blog anymore is getting a punch in the nose and everyone after that who makes a comment will be required to buy me beer until I forgive them.  

Until next time....

Thank You Poker!

Poker, I just wanted to thank you for making my first SNG in over a month so memorable. Actually the last hand was really the only memorable part. I mean, 4 people all-in and I have the best hand pre-flop....it was looking so good. Then you teased me with a flop that hit none of us and you let me believe I might actually win the hand. Honestly, my kings should of held up against two AQ's and a pair of tens, at least in a perfect world.

I really could have done without that third ten on the turn. I knew I was going to need a miracle card on the river and I was really hoping I was going to see it. So why, after my beautiful apology yesterday, did you have to deal the case 10 on the river? You couldn't just stick the knife in, you had to twist it and throw some salt in the wound as well? Thanks alot you sadistic bitch! That was a welcome back that I won't soon be forgetting.

Sincerely (you fucking nutjob),
April98

Dear Poker,

I know you miss me, I miss you too but if you knew about all the crap I went through last month I think you'd understand.

It all started with a trip to the emergency room. I was having chest pain and it wasn't going away. After 10 hours, 6 needle sticks, an echocardiogram, and a chest CT, I was sent home with no real explanation other than it didn't appear to be my heart. I did get the weekend off so it wasn't a total loss but I was in no mood to play.

Things were starting to look up when July 4th rolled around. My dad was in a lot of pain with what we thought were pneumonia related problems. I mean, his doctor said he had pneumonia and she couldn't be wrong, could she? After a lot of back and forth we finally got him to go to the hospital. Luckily the doctor wasn't buying pneumonia even though that's what it looked like on the x-ray. My dad was admitted and we found out the next day that he had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). We still have no idea where the clot came from but, after 4 days in the hospital he was released and has been steadily improving ever since. We got lucky on that one!

In the midst of all this I was getting awarded freelance jobs that I had to delay until my dad got out of the hospital. Luckily all the clients were great and had no issue with the delay. People are willing to wait for good workers to become available, nice to know. Once I got started on the projects there really wasn't any time left for you or anything else really. I was really starting to miss you by then.

The next issue in my life was my attempt to trap some feral kittens. I got one and the next night I got careless. He bit the crap out of my finger. For an animal with such tiny teeth, he did a lot of damage. The next morning brought another trip to the emergency room where I was stuck with an IV and given antibiotics. Since the alternative was a raging infection and probable amputation, I was more than willing to let the nurse dig around to find a good spot for the IV. The bruise that followed actually looked worse than the cat bite.

Since then I've been working and playing with the new, and still nameless, member of the family. It's hard to play poker with a kitten walking across the keyboard. I'm afraid he's going to fold quads or something! I think we can both agree that would be bad!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I haven't been ignoring you and I'm not mad at you, even when my aces keep getting cracked on the river by some moron with 8, 2 unsuited. I know that's not your fault, I should just fold my aces pre-flop and it wouldn't be an issue. I'm hoping to have some time this weekend to get re-acquainted. Maybe you can throw some winning hands my way? Either way I know we'll have fun.

Take care and I'll see you soon.

Your BFF,
April

One Ends, Another Begins

I am ending the "name my business contest" and announcing that no one has won. While there was one suggestion that stood out, it still wasn't quite right. Last night I finally decided on A.M.H. Research Solutions so we'll see where that takes me. Since only 4 people entered I am offering you each a consolation prize, see me in Vegas and I'll buy you a beer or shot. Thanks again to Gracie, Easycure, STB, and Maura for the suggestions.

Now for the new contest. If you read my last post you know there is a new member of my family. We were calling him Opie but that just isn't working so I'm looking for suggestions. Names I've already tried but don't like include, Puck, Toby, Tiger, Tigger, Elmo, and every San Jose Sharks player. They just weren't right and I'm stumped. He's a crazy kitten with long legs and a very slight overbite. He loves to play with anything, moving or not as he will attack my feet in the middle of the night. He's still scared of new people and hasn't warmed up to my dad or step-mom yet but he purrs for me all the time. He's clumsy and a bit awkward but the most adorable kitten I've seen in awhile.

So, there you go. Feel free to send me your suggestions via my e-mail, April9807 @ yahoo . com

Prize will be the drink of your choice next time I see you so long as it isn't the most expensive shot at the bar. I do plan to be in Vegas in December so, if you win and are there, I'll pay up at that time.

Newest

I would like to introduce you all to the newest member of my family. His name is Opie.

We have a feral cat problem in my mobile home park which has led to a feral kitten problem. I got it in my head that I was going to trap the kittens and rehabilitate them then find them homes. I trapped one about a week ago and the rest scattered. After one bout of carelessness on my part that required a trip to the ER for antibiotics, he is now the sweetest little thing in the world. He still needs to get used to other people but he doesn't run and hide or hiss at me anymore.

His first trip to the vet is tomorrow where I'll find out exactly how old he is and if he's as healthy as he looks. I'm guessing he's 7 weeks but I could be off by a couple. I do know he's old enough to have some sharp teeth though. I have the hospital bill to prove it!

Hilarious

No time to write. I came across this while doing a research project. It was labled the Evolution of Dance. It's 6 minutes of hilarity!