Tuesday, May 24, 2005

What The Hell Have I Gotten Myself Into?

I was in bed last night trying to fall asleep when all of a sudden it hit me, in a little over a week I am going to be in Vegas meeting a rather large group of poker bloggers. It was the "large group" part that got me and nearly sent me spiraling into a panic attack. See, I am an introvert and large groups of people scare the crap out of me. Who am I kidding, people in general frighten me but I hadn't really thought much about it until last night in those few minutes after I turn the light off and my mind wanders aimlessly in an effort to find that peace that comes with restful slumber. It's when all my epiphanies occur and sometimes I'm lucky enough to wake up remembering them. This was one I wish I had forgotten.

I am terribly shy around new people and all my insecurities seem to come out at exactly the wrong moments. Words come out of my mouth that I immediately want back and I quickly take note of the location of all the exits upon entering a room full of people I am supposed to socialize with. In other words, the thought of being in a room full of semi-complete strangers scares me to death.

Right now all of the fears that I thought were behind me have come to the surface and I feel like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.......Unless I conveniently miss my flight. ;)

(to be continued because it's past my bedtime)

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