In A Daze

I had hope that the New Year would be better, that I had hit the bottom and could only go up but, apparently, I was wrong.  This year has not gotten better and I feel like the hole is just getting deeper and soon I won't be able to see the light at the top. I've made a mess out of my life and I no longer know how to fix it.  While solving my financial problems will help, it won't be enough to get me out at this point.  I'm not even sure medication can do it anymore.  I'm overwhelmed and feel like I no longer have control over anything.  It's not a place I want to be but I'm not sure how to get to a better place.  

I just keep falling and, when I think I've hit bottom, it turns out to just be a ledge and I eventually start falling again.  There has to be a bottom....right?

TV Rant - Grey's Anatomy

WARNING: There may be spoilers, read at your own risk.

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  He plays a hot dead guy and, let's face it, playing dead has kind of become his niche, but his storyline on Grey's has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! If the show hadn't yet jumped the shark, and I personally think it jumped when Meridith didn't die, it definitely jumped the day Izzie had sex with a dead guy.  The thing is, I can't stop watching!  I need to know where this crazy storyline is going.  Is Denny there to take Izzie to the great beyond and, if so, how is she going to die?  Will Eric Stoltz slit her throat or will Christina finally try to murder Meredith only to have Izzie jump in the way and get killed instead?  

Really people, why is this Izzie banging a dead guy storyline so surprising?  Did we really take a show that uses the nicknames McDreamy and McSteamy so seriously in the first place?  Sure it makes no sense, but when has this show really made sense?  The interns don't look any younger than the residents.  They've had explosions, floods, and a bunch of other tragedies at the hospital.  Derek is in love with Meredith.  Does any of that really make sense?  

Let's just enjoy this show for what it is, a guilty pleasure that isn't taking itself so seriously.  Truthfully, there are enough serious dramas out there with Law & Order, CSI, Bones, House, and Ghost Whisperer (ok, maybe not Ghost Whisperer) that I don't mind a little bit of stupidity in my week.  As I said, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is hot and I can withstand a dumb storyline to see more of his hotness.  I just wish he'd change his clothes, that gray shirt is driving me nuts.  You would think that if a dead guy could have sex, he could change his clothes every once in a while.  

Estella Toby Jipson Eaton

This is my great-grandmother on her 100th birthday this past April.  A few days later there was a huge party with a couple hundred members of her family.  She had a brand new dress for the occassion and seemed to have a good time despite being overwhelmed.  Just a few short hours ago, this lovely lady passed away.  I don't know the details but she was 100 so I don't think it's that difficult to figure out.  

I don't have much more I want to say at the moment.  I'm still processing everything.  I will say that I'm glad I got back to Maine for her birthday party as I won't be able to afford the flight back for the funeral.  Anyway, it's probably better to remember her as she was last April 15th.

UPDATE: 

Funeral arrangements are in progress but she won't actually be buried until spring.  There will be another service at that time and my goal will be to fly out to Maine for that.

Apparently she knew her time was about up as, on New Years, she told one of the relatives that she wasn't going to need the TV anymore.  She lost a son a few years ago and her sister about a month ago and it was just getting harder for her.  It was her time.