Are you ready for Vegas??

Yes, I know one pic has nothing to do with Vegas and another pic is sideways, at least I posted something.

Not The Way Things Should Be

Let's face it, in a perfect world we expect our parents to die before we do. It's the way things should be and, truthfully, if we have to think about the how, we picture our parents in their nineties dying in their sleep of natural causes. Again,  in a perfect world, that is how it should work. 

Some friends I've known since birth just lost their mother after a long running and very horrible illness. She wasn't in her nineties and she should have had many, many more years on this Earth. 

It really isn't fair and please, no platitudes about how life isn't fair and god knows what he is doing or any other crap. It really doesn't make anyone feel better.

The truth is that cancer fucking sucks and any god that allows that kind of suffering is a fucking asshole!

My Last Bad Decision

Last December while I was in Vegas with the bloggers, I made it very clear that I was broke and lots of people stepped up and bought me drinks, dinners, and just really made me feel good and bad all at the same time. Good to know I had so many friends willing to help me have an excellent time and bad because there is always some amount of guilt involved in accepting people's kindness when it is in the form of money. Anyway, thanks to everyone who picked me up at the airport, bought me drinks or food, gave me some spending money to gamble, paid for a cab or bus ride, and talked me into going to see Steel Panther (definitely a highlight of the trip). I really appreciate all of you and hope that someday I can find a way to repay you.

Once I got back to reality I had to deal with my financial situation. While I was in Vegas I had a plan in place and now was the time to act on it. In February I filed for Bankruptcy. This was not an easy decision for me but I had 15 years of debt accumulated and not enough money coming in to cover the payments. Plus, when you add in some not so wise decisions I made earlier in 2008, I was royally screwed. I'm not going to go into the gory details of the bankruptcy. I go to court on April 6th and, provided none of the creditors come after me, it should all be finalized by the end of the month. When you add that to the loss of my job at the hospital (it officially closes April 10th), lets just say my birthday month is going to kind of suck.  So, to that end I made one last bad decision.....next week I will be in Las Vegas again.

I know this is going to disappoint some of you as I really have no business going anywhere with  my financial situation being what it is and I really have no good reason other than I need to get away one last time before everything hits the fan. Shelly got a good room rate and the airfare wasn't bad. I withdrew most of my Full Tilt money and should be all set for inexpensive food and some light poker play. I will stay away from slots and all other -EV games. I'll walk instead of taking cabs (except to and from the airport which I have managed to synchronize with Shelly so we can share). But, most importantly, I'm going to have fun and not think about the impending court date or my last weekend at the hospital or the news I got last week about a family member. Starting one week from today none of that exists until I get back from my happy place.

Until next time....cut up all your credit cards now!!!!

In A Daze

I had hope that the New Year would be better, that I had hit the bottom and could only go up but, apparently, I was wrong.  This year has not gotten better and I feel like the hole is just getting deeper and soon I won't be able to see the light at the top. I've made a mess out of my life and I no longer know how to fix it.  While solving my financial problems will help, it won't be enough to get me out at this point.  I'm not even sure medication can do it anymore.  I'm overwhelmed and feel like I no longer have control over anything.  It's not a place I want to be but I'm not sure how to get to a better place.  

I just keep falling and, when I think I've hit bottom, it turns out to just be a ledge and I eventually start falling again.  There has to be a bottom....right?

TV Rant - Grey's Anatomy

WARNING: There may be spoilers, read at your own risk.

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  He plays a hot dead guy and, let's face it, playing dead has kind of become his niche, but his storyline on Grey's has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! If the show hadn't yet jumped the shark, and I personally think it jumped when Meridith didn't die, it definitely jumped the day Izzie had sex with a dead guy.  The thing is, I can't stop watching!  I need to know where this crazy storyline is going.  Is Denny there to take Izzie to the great beyond and, if so, how is she going to die?  Will Eric Stoltz slit her throat or will Christina finally try to murder Meredith only to have Izzie jump in the way and get killed instead?  

Really people, why is this Izzie banging a dead guy storyline so surprising?  Did we really take a show that uses the nicknames McDreamy and McSteamy so seriously in the first place?  Sure it makes no sense, but when has this show really made sense?  The interns don't look any younger than the residents.  They've had explosions, floods, and a bunch of other tragedies at the hospital.  Derek is in love with Meredith.  Does any of that really make sense?  

Let's just enjoy this show for what it is, a guilty pleasure that isn't taking itself so seriously.  Truthfully, there are enough serious dramas out there with Law & Order, CSI, Bones, House, and Ghost Whisperer (ok, maybe not Ghost Whisperer) that I don't mind a little bit of stupidity in my week.  As I said, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is hot and I can withstand a dumb storyline to see more of his hotness.  I just wish he'd change his clothes, that gray shirt is driving me nuts.  You would think that if a dead guy could have sex, he could change his clothes every once in a while.  

Estella Toby Jipson Eaton

This is my great-grandmother on her 100th birthday this past April.  A few days later there was a huge party with a couple hundred members of her family.  She had a brand new dress for the occassion and seemed to have a good time despite being overwhelmed.  Just a few short hours ago, this lovely lady passed away.  I don't know the details but she was 100 so I don't think it's that difficult to figure out.  

I don't have much more I want to say at the moment.  I'm still processing everything.  I will say that I'm glad I got back to Maine for her birthday party as I won't be able to afford the flight back for the funeral.  Anyway, it's probably better to remember her as she was last April 15th.

UPDATE: 

Funeral arrangements are in progress but she won't actually be buried until spring.  There will be another service at that time and my goal will be to fly out to Maine for that.

Apparently she knew her time was about up as, on New Years, she told one of the relatives that she wasn't going to need the TV anymore.  She lost a son a few years ago and her sister about a month ago and it was just getting harder for her.  It was her time.