Poker?

Yes, I actually played some poker this week. I played in the $15,000 guarantee midnight madness and actually finished in the money. I think I made a whole 3 bucks! Considering I haven't played a poker tournament since I was in Vegas last December, I'll take it. There really weren't any memorable hands, I just happened to get some good pocket pairs at the right time and got all my chips in the middle. I expected someone to suck out but my cards actually held up and I stayed alive.

Speaking of poker, I can't believe I am going to be in Vegas again in just a couple of weeks. I'm excited of course but also nervous. I think this is the first time I'm going to be there with no "security blanket". No Maura, mom, dad or Shelly sharing space with me and helping me keep my insecurities at bay. I will be all by myself. It's not that I've never been to Vegas alone before, I went on a short trip a couple of months after 9/11, but I'm going with expectations to hang out with my friends and wondering if anyone really wants to hang out with me or if I'm just going to be humored for a while and then abandoned. See, I told you I have insecurities.

No worries though. I can always go back to my condo and curl up in the fetal position under the kitchen table if I feel like a reject. Actually, I'll probably just go play poker or something and take my anger out on some young asshole who thinks he's God's gift to the poker table.

Anyway, I'm not asking for anyone to hold my hand and make sure I feel included in whatever happens to be going on. I'm a big girl and just need to get over myself and have a good time. Seriously, I'll be in Vegas. If I can't manage to have a good time there, I'm even more screwed up than I thought.

See you in Vegas!