A Promise Broken

I'm not supposed to be there anymore. I promised myself at the end of last year that I would not, under any circumstances, be working at the hospital come Thanksgiving of 2005. Yet, I'm still there.

See, some shit went down between Thanksgiving and Christmas of last year, shit that would have gotten a certain person fired had it happened anywhere else. Unfortunately, there are too many people who are scared of her so she still works there. Had I gotten an apology maybe I would feel less depressed about the whole situation but I never got anything resembling an "I'm sorry" so I'm really hating the job right now. I should have walked the day it all started but I'm a chicken shit with bills to pay and medications that won't pay for themselves. So, I'm still there.

The bright side is that I am involved in a new business venture and the future is looking great. It's just going to be a few more months before it turns into a full time gig but, it has actually turned out to be my dream job. I love it so much that I don't care when I spend most of my Saturday working, not to mention most nights during the week. I want this company to succeed because they recognize what I have to offer and have treated me with the utmost respect since the end of my first month (had to prove myself a bit in the beginning). I don't think I was ever treated this well at the hospital and I stopped caring after all the crap went down. I'm barely there, even when I'm there and, in case you haven't figured it out, I'm still there, four fucking days a week.

So, where does all this leave me? Most days, I hate that I'm still there, that I broke a promise I made to myelf but the person who should have been fired has been on medical leave since September so it hasn't been the worst thing in the world (barely). Of course she comes back December 5th. I would rather have a root canal with no Novacaine than walk into that department and see her face. Even the light at the end of the tunnel is offering me little in the way of peace. There is a slight chance her doctor won't let her come back just yet but I'm not holding my breath as he has already delayed her return by three weeks. I'd wish her a heart attack but even I am not that cruel and another one would probably kill her which could, possibly, make me feel bad (and this is all about me). Really, I'm not a mean person, I just feel like I'm trapped in a corner and I'm getting claustrophobic.

Truthfully, I'll just suck it up and plow on through. I'm not looking forward to it, but there really is no other option until my other job opens up. The one thing I can guarantee is that there will be no two weeks notice and no looking back. Once I get there, I won't have to be there.