What to do???

For those who don't know, the job I left the hospital for, the one at the Internet start-up, failed at the end of May. Since then I have been doing Customer Service Evaluations (fancy name for Secret Shopping). I'm having a lot of fun but the money comes in really slowly and I'm barely getting my bills paid. Today I had an interview for a job I would really, really enjoy. As a matter of fact, the job is mine if I want it. Problem is, it is way below my pay and skill level. I would have to continue the secret shopping but I really enjoy that so I'm okay with it.

The other option is to go back to the hospital and work primarily on weekends. I would make at least twice the money I am being offered at the "low pay" job and still have most of the week available to do the shopping gig. Problem is, it is the job I spent 5 years trying to leave due to an employee I don't get along with. If I took this job I would hardly ever work with her but her essence is always there and just thinking about being in the same building as her, even if our paths never cross, stresses me out.

Then there is the new, brick and mortar start-up, that my boss from the failed start-up is working at. This one has a much better chance of making it and the salary would probably be more than I have ever made at any job in the past. It would be new and interesting but also a lot of hard work. I would also be able to stop paying COBRA for my medical which would free up even more money. It will be at least another month or two until I would be hired so I still need to do something more substantial for income but I wouldn't want to accept "low pay" job and then turn around and leave them in a couple of months. They made it clear that they want me around for a while if I accept the job. I could go back to the hospital and leave in a couple of months as they are only hiring me per Diem anyway. Plus, I'm not really looking to go back there permanently but that doesn't seem quite right to me either. I'm not sure what to do at this point.

I don't know if the decision would be that difficult for most people. Either take the job that pays the most or take the one that is the most fun unless you can find one that is both fun and pays well, then take that one. For me, I have to also figure out which is going to be most conducive to my depression. Which choice won't make it worse. I deal with depression every day and never know how anything is going to affect me until I'm right in the middle of it. The job that I would enjoy the most may not be challenging enough but the one that pays the most may be a lot of hard work and too challenging. Both scenarios could make the depression worse. I won't know until I pick one. My only chance is if my brain suddenly clears and I have an epiphany. It happens, but not very often. I really don't know what to do.

So, anyone got an opinion to share or some words of wisdom? Any and all advice will be much appreciated.

What I Want

I know, it's been ages since I've written anything. I don't even know if anyone actually reads this anymore but there is a reason I haven't been writing. Like my twin, I got caunght up in what I thought this blog should be and not what I wanted it to be. I never promised this blog would be entirely about poker and I never promised it would always be a nice happy blog. Truth is, I started feeling like I couldn't write about what I wanted to write about. I felt like I needed to please others instead of myself. It's the story of my life really, but that's another post for another day.

Back in December, I had a conversation that left me feeling like I couldn't write about the deep, dark stuff anymore. Basically this person said that some of my posts seemed a little too personal and dark and that maybe I didn't need to publish everything I wrote. So, I stopped writing about the things I wanted to write about and eventually stopped writing almost completely. The dark stuff is part of me and this blog is my way to vent. If I can't vent about the bad parts of my life, then what's the point?

The thing is, this is my blog and I need to be able to write whatever I want without worrying how others are going to react. So, here's the deal, if you start reading something and it turns you off, stop reading it. If you read something and it worries you, send me an e-mail, IM me, or give me a call. I'll either reassure you or cry on your shoulder but I'm not going to sugarcoat my life just because it may make some people uncomfortable.

Does this mean I'm going to write more often? I have no idea but when I do write, it's going to be about whatever is on my mind, good, bad, or ugly.

I'd Forgotten

I played on-line poker today for the first time in over a month. It didn't take me long to remember that I suck at poker. By the time I was done I had lost most of my buy-in. I can't really blame anyone but myself, except on that one hand where that damn calling station caught his card on the river. I played hands I don't normally play. I stayed in hands when I knew I should have folded. I played like a fucking donkey! It really sucked but it was free money.

Luckily, when I was in Austin last month, I played some okay poker. My Twin had a graduation party and, of course, there was some poker played. It was a $20 buy-in and I left with triple that. There was one hand I wish I could remember better but I had to make a decision for almost all of my chips. Was he bluffing? Was my 2 pair good? I finally said "I'll probably regret this" and pushed my chips in. I flipped up my cards and my opponent said "Re-buy". From there I just played my good hands and had fun. I think that was what was missing earlier today....the fun.

Since I have a little bit of money in my online account, I'll probably play some more over the weekend. Feel free to stop in and say hi if you see my at a table.

Check out Poker Letter!

What's in a name?

It's no secret that I love reality shows. You name it and I've probably watched it so it was pretty obvious that I would be checking out Mark Burnett's newest offering "Pirate Master". I'm not going to get into how this show works as it's slightly complicated and I'll need to see another episode too really get it down. What I actually wanted to mention is one of my favorite parts of reality TV, the part where they flash the competitors name with thier job listed underneath.

I've seen some great job descriptions while watching these shows and I especially like the ones that you know are code for something that may be considered "less than optimal". Take for instance "VIP Hostess" and picture a tall blond with big boobs. In other words, she's probably a stripper. There are a million others I've seen over the years but the one I saw tonight on Pirate Master may just take the cake. One competitor, John, is a "Scientist/Exotic Dancer". What the hell? First of all, I saw him shirtless, I wasn't impressed....he was muscular but didn't have the "it" factor that makes a good exotic dancer. Second, I'd love to know what kind of science he is involved in. Something tells me it may include mixing drinks with "roofies" to get women in bed (provided he isn't gay like those Thunder From Down Under men). I heard him speak, there is no way he practices any kind of science that requires a brain (though he did know that Crocodiles like to hang out under Mangrove Trees).

Anyway, all above is said entirely in jest, I mean no offense to John, unless he doesn't know what offense means. I'm sure he is very good at which ever profession is actually paying his bills. So my question to my readers is this, what is the best job description you've ever seen on a reality TV show? Please share in the comments section.

When It Rains

Last week was about the shittiest week I've had in years. First, the Sharks got knocked out of the playoffs. Second, the best cat I've ever owned passed away (no offense Punkin, you are my second favorite). Third, I found out the job I left my secure job at the hospital for, will only be able to pay me through the end of the month. Fourth, I have a cold sore the size of a dime on my lip. Seriously, if you've had a worse week lately, I'd like to hear about it.

Being faced with unemployment sucks but I've been there before. Usually it's by my choice but getting a new job usually isn't that difficult for me. I've got skills that can be used in almost any industry. The biggest problem is that I love working from home and there are very few legitimate options out there that would allow me to continue. I'm not really sure what type of job I would take that would be outside of the home. I really don't want to go back to sitting in a cubicle and I'm tired of health care. Hopefully I'll figure it out before I get really strapped for cash. I've already canceled Vegas in June to give myself a bit more time and I don't even want to go into how much that sucks!

The only good thing right now is that on Thursday I'm flying to Austin to hang out with my twin. In case you haven't heard, she is graduating from college. I can't wait to get away from the crap for a few days. Maybe I won't come back (trust me, the heat will drive me back to the Bay area, no offense April).

So, here is too a better week and an awesome end to the month of May. Wish me luck!

Good-bye Ricci

Ricci was named after my favorite hockey player, Mike Ricci. When Ricci moved in he was 12 pounds and looked emaciated, he soon grew to 18 pounds of pure fat. He was the most adorable cat ever. He had a look that would convince you that there wasn't much going on in that brain of his yet I always felt he was the smartest creature in the house. He got along with everyone and would purr at the slightest bit of attention. He slept with me every night and became my big snuggle-bear. He was my baby.


My baby passed away at 3:30 Tuesday morning. He was at home with me and my other baby Punkin, and went peacefully but I gotta say, it really fucking sucks. He was the most handsome cat I've ever seen and I'm going to miss him.

No Title Because I Can't Think Of One

I care way too much about what others think about me. I always have and probably always will. And, not just people I know, but I care about what complete strangers think about me as well. Though I have discovered there is one exception to this, when I am at a poker table I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. As long as they are strangers that is. Do I want to be liked? Sure, who doesn't but at the poker table I don't feel as if it is as necessary. I mean, I'm never going to play the way every person at the table wants me too. I've got my style and they have theirs. If I am off my game, I shouldn't be at the table and if I care what the table is thinking about me, I'm definitely not going to be on my game. So, when I sit down at the table, I am basically saying "Fuck it" and it tends to work.

I haven't always been this way at the poker table. The first time I sat down at that table at Excalibur, I was scared to death I was going to do something stupid and someone was going to criticize me for it. I got to the point where I was off my game every time I sat down and, last June, it all came to a head.

Last June, while I was in Las Vegas with the bloggers, I couldn't win money to save my life. I was so off my game that I actually fell into a slight depression and spent part of my last night alone in the room watching cable while my friends were burning up the Craps table. I was having fun at the poker table but I just couldn't win because I was concentrating too much on making friends with complete strangers (non-bloggers, I always want to make friends with bloggers). I needed to find a balance, friendly but still playing my game. I knew I could do it but I wasn't sure how.

In December at the blogger event, it all clicked. I played less poker and it worked out much better. I think there was only one session where I left the table down and I wasn't down enough to worry about. I was friendly but not distracted. I paid more attention to how the other people were playing and less attention what they might think if I played a certain hand. I didn't play much poker before the Blogger tournament but the lesson I had learned carried over.

Usually when I play a blogger game I am even more off than with strangers. See, I am friends with many of these people and I get so afraid of what they might say about my game that I can't play the way I want to. Every move takes more thought than usual because I'm not only thinking about how to play the hand but I'm thinking about what everyone at the table will think if I play it incorrectly. In December, when I sat down at the blogger tournament, I discovered that most of the others at my table were bloggers I had never met. They didn't know me, I didn't know them, we were strangers. I played my game and didn't care if anyone at the table liked me or not. This prepared me for the later stages of the tournament when I was sitting with more familiar faces. I kept my game going and managed a nerve racking 7th place finish.

I'm sure the next time I sit down with bloggers I'll slip a bit, especially if they are bloggers whose games I really respect but I can sit down with a table of strangers with no problem as I did just 2 weeks ago when I was in Reno for my birthday. I played my game, my way and left Reno up for the weekend. I felt good the entire time I was at the table, though the drinks could have had something to do with that as they were strong for free casino drinks, and I was very proud of myself for reaching this place in my game. Now if I could just carry it over into the rest of my life......

Vegas on my mind

I bought a plane ticket to Vegas for the next blogger gathering. I got an awesome deal from Southwest and had to take it. Unfortunately it looks like I'll be sleeping in the streets since no one seems to want to room with me and I can't afford the cost of a room by myself. Maybe I can get a cheap car rental and sleep in it. The offer is still open. Anyone who wants to split the cost of a room, let me know. I'll even consider those of you I think are creepy (if you have to ask, it's probably you). Seriously, I can provide references if needed, just ask Max.



Max says, "April is the bestest person I know!"

Roommate Needed

In case you haven't heard there is a little trip to Vegas coming up soon. Falstaff has a block of rooms at the Orleans set aside and I need a roommate to split the cost with. Here is the important information straight from PokerStage:

The room block is ready for booking at The Orleans. For those who have forgotten, the rates are as follows -
Wednesday Night - $60
Thursday Night - $60
Friday Night - $110
Saturday Night - $110
Sunday Night - $65
There are 50 rooms held at those rates, plus the million dollars in taxes and other fees that come with. The room block will vanish in three weeks, so don't dick around!Call 1-800-675-3267 for reservations. Make sure you tell them this is for the World Poker Blogger Tour, June 6-10.

Also, if you're coming, please email me, so I can start compiling a contact list of everybody that will be there. Let me know your Real name (if you want), blogger name, dates of arrival and departure, where you're staying, and contact info (if you want people to have it). This list will be distributed to everyone who's coming, so if you don't want your cell phone number bandied about, tell me.

So, if you are interested in sharing the cost for any of those nights please send me an e-mail at April9807 AT aol DOT com. As long as I've met you and didn't think you were creepy, I'm willing to room with you.

Also, everyone's favorite drunken hippie has arranged for a couple of bracelet races to send some people to that big tournament that will be going on in June. One tournament is for bloggers only while the other if for anyone. If you are interested, here are the details:

Tournament name:
Blogger Bracelet Race
When: Sunday, April 29th, 7pm ET
Game: NLHE DeepstackBuyin: $24+2 or token
Password: email blogger_wsop@yahoo.com with blog URL for password

Tournament name: Chasers/Blogger Bracelet Race
When: Sunday, May 13th, 7pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $24+2 or token
Password: riverchasers

Mom News

On the morning of Friday the 13th, while on her way to work, my mom had a little accident.

She is fine (She'll be very sore and bruised) but the car is totalled. It took 3 guys to get her out of the car as it came to rest on the passenger side after rolling over. It shouldn't even be snowing in Maine anymore, it's April for crying out loud! Since she made it out alive the part that pisses her off most is that she had just made her last car payment 3 weeks ago. She was also pissed that a member of our extended family drove by, recognized her and immediately called my Aunt Roberta, who called my Aunt Cindy, who I'm sure called my grandmother. I told mom that if she didn't want the family to find out, she should have had the accident a little further from home....she didn't seem to find that idea as amusing as I did!

Warren Strelow Passes

Most people don't know who Warren Strelow was but to a number of NHL goalies, he was a mentor like no other. He not only coached the San Jose Sharks net-minders in recent years, he coached the goalies on the 1980 "Miracle on Ice" Olympic team. He was also the goalie coach in the 2002 Olympics where the US won the silver and he was inducted into the hockey Hall of Fame in 2004. Warren Strelow died early this morning at the age of 73 following a series of illnesses. He will be missed by many and my thoughts are with his family.

For more on the story: San Jose Sharks Organization Mourns the Passing of Goaltending Coach Warren Strelow

Update: And more on Strelow. With quotes from within the Sharks Organization.

It's Not Right!!!

I knew Phil Gordon was getting married and I had resigned myself to that fact but why, oh why, did they have to pick my birthday as the day they exchange vows? That is just not right! Should anyone want to join me in a pity party on that day, I'll be in Reno getting shitfaced. Feel free to join me and offer up your sympathies.

That is all, nothing more to see here.

I Shouldn't Be Typing

Yesterday I had a Cortisone shot in the base of my left thumb. I doubt typing is on the list of recommended activities but this is what I do for my readers, if I actually have any left. My job has been incredibly busy. When I imagined myself working from home I pictured myself blogging every day, staying current with the Tivo, and just being able to relax whenever I felt like it. Instead, I work from sun up to sun down, 7 days a week. If I hated my job this would be a problem but I actually love this job and want this company to be successful. If it means rearranging the picture I had in my head, so be it.

Probably the worst part of working from home is the amount of time I am inactive. I've put on the weight I lost and added a few more pounds. It's not something I'm proud of but I really should have expected it. At the hospital I was on my feet all day, now I sit on my ass all day. It's not exactly conducive to maintaining my slightly overweight frame and definitely not going to help me to lose weight. So, I have been trying to get up off my ass and start walking. Since I'm not a big fan of sunlight this hasn't worked all that well but, I'm trying and every little bit helps.

Actually I did lose some weight last weekend. My dad, stepmom and I all went to get our hair cut. Mine hadn't been cut since last June so it was desperately needed. We went to this little hole in the wall where the price range is $8 and up. Kind of an Asian Supercuts. I sat in the chair and the little Asian lady started doing her thing. At one point she stopped and asked if it was short enough. I made the mistake of saying no. Next thing I knew I had the shortest haircut I have ever had. With the curl it falls just to the bottom of my ears. I spent most of the week reaching back to take my hair out of the ponytail that didn't exist. Luckily, once I got over the shock, I realized I like the cut. Not bad for $10.

One last thing before my hand gives out. I played in one of the Full Tilt PPA freerolls on Friday. These were set up as part of a promotion to get people to join the PPA and the top 18 got a custom Full Tilt Jersey. I didn't realize how much I wanted the damn thing until I got so close I could feel the jersey on my skin. So what do I do? I go out in 27th place, 9 fucking places from the prize. If it hadn't been for a couple of really good suckouts, I would have been out a lot earlier and probably wouldn't have been as pissed about missing the damn jersey by 9 fucking places. As all the pros say...."That's poker!"

The First Couple of Poker

When it comes to professional poker players my dad is almost completely clueless. He knows a few names and even fewer faces but wanted to go with me to Bay 101 and check things out. Yesterday was a bit disappointing for him because Shannon Elizabeth didn't show up. I tried to make up for it by pointing out Liz Lieu, Cyndy Violette and Vanessa Ruosso. Today he was looking forward to seeing Jennifer Tilly and Phil Laak.

Jennifer and Phil both had bounties on their heads so they were at different tables. Since my dad couldn't get a good view of Jennifer I made sure to point out Isabelle Mercier and Evelyn Ng who were both in his view range. After player introductions we ate lunch at the Deli and by the time we finished both Jennifer and Phil had been eliminated from the tournament. I figured they would be long gone so I was pleasantly surprised to find them signing autographs and taking photos with anyone who asked. They were very gracious, signing for at least a half an hour, and didn't seem to care that they were both out of the tournament. My dad didn't get their autographs (I did!) but he did comment on how cool it was that they would do that. Especially since other players couldn't get out of there fast enough when they got beat. So I have now dubbed them the first couple of poker for their graciousness to their fans.

I didn't stay very long at the tournament today as I wasn't feeling very good. I don't know how they decide who to put bounties on though. Johnny Chan, Dan Harrington, and Ted Forrest were all there but not considered "stars" this year. How do you not make Johnny Chan a "shooting star"? Maybe it's better this way. Last I checked he was still in the tournament while a lot of the bounty players were gone.

"He looks like a little weasel!"

When I arrived at Bay 101 the action had already started. My dad came with me for the first couple of hours so I was showing him around, trying to figure out which "star" was at which table. I soon ran into the Poker Shrink and got some information. Shannon Elizabeth was a no show, much to my dad's dismay, but Liz Lieu had been asked to take her place as a "star". I'll let the guys decide if that is an upgrade or not. Also a no show was James Woods although his name was still on the schedule for today. Hellmuth had yet to arrive but that didn't surprise me. I should have asked the Shrink what the over/under was on his arrival.

My dad really doesn't know what any of the pros look like with one exception. He watched Rob and Amber's Vegas reality show so he had seen Daniel Negraneau a few times. Daniel was wearing an Owen Nolan Sharks Jersey and, when I pointed him out, my dad came up with the brilliant line that is the title of this post. Score one for dad.

Dad and I ate lunch in the Deli and, shortly after the first break I had to take him back to work. When I returned to Bay 101 about 20 minutes later, Hellmuth was still not there. I managed to find a nice place to stand and had a great view of a table that featured Kenna James, Doug Le, and Tuan Le. Tuan went all-in a couple of times and managed to double up each time. Then, about 3 hours and 13 minutes after the star, Phil Hellmuth showed up. He was at the table just to the right of the one I was watching. You would think that, since he was so late, he would be interested in doubling up soon, instead he wandered around and chatted it up with some of the other pros.

Last year, about 4 hours into the tournament they had already lost about 8 shooting stars. This year, the first didn't get knocked out until after Phil arrived. That lucky star was none other than Kathy Liebert. Shortly after Hoyt Corkins, Vanessa Ruosso, and Eli Elizra were knocked out. At that point the second break was upon us and I decided to head home. Still in when I left were: Tuan Le, Kenna James, David Williams, Gavin Smith, Cyndy Violette, J.C. Tran, Liz Lieu, Daniel Negraneau, Scotty Nguyen, Chad Brown, Freddy Deeb, Josh Arieh, Allen Cunningham, Hellmuth, John Hennigan, Nam Le, Tom McEvoy, and Robert Williamson.

I'll be back tomorrow for day two.

EDIT: I was just checking out Cardplayer to see who was knocked out since I left and noticed that Kathy Liebert is still listed on the leaderboard. I repeat....She was the first "Star" knocked out, she is no longer in the tournament despite what Cardplayer is saying. I had way less access than they do and I knew she was out, get with it Cardplayer!

I also just went back and read through some of Cardplayer's coverage, not only do they not have Kathy Liebert listed as being out but they have John Hennigan listed as being the first "star" knocked out. I can assure you that when I left at 3:45pm he was still playing, I had a good view of the back of his head.

Mixed Post

Poker
Today I played in the BloggerPod tournament. I finished in 44th. I was kicked in the junk by a donkey who's best, and only, move was all-in. As I said to Waffles upon exiting, I tried. Stupid turn card.

Tomorrow is the start of the Bay 101 Shooting Star tournament. This is the WPT stop where the "Pro's" have bounties on their heads. Day 1 may be the most interesting with Hellmuth and Matusow playing. Day one also features Daniel "would you like some cheese with that whine?" Negreanu, James Woods, Shannon Elizabeth, and Kathy Liebert. If anything interesting happens I'll definitely post it.

Hockey
The Sharks are winning again and I'm looking forward to the playoffs. That is all I'll say on that subject as I don't want to offend the great and powerful Hockey gods.

The Amazing Race All-Stars (SPOILER)
I seriously don't know if I will continue to watch or not. I know a lot of people are sick of Rob and Amber but I like them. Without them I think the show will get boring fast and I really don't have a favorite now. Oh and Rob, I think you need to invest in some spelling lessons. It's Philippines not Philippeans.

That's all I got for tonight. My brain actually shut off in the middle so I'm surprised I got that out. I will have a report from the Shooting Star though so look for that tomorrow.

What The Frack!!!!!!!!!!

I just got done watching Battlestar Galactica and I'm in total and complete shock!!!!! If you don't watch you can skip this post and if you do watch and haven't watched yet....What the fuck are you waiting for??? I won't ruin it for the Tivo crowd but have I said "What the fuck" yet? I realize there is probably more going on then meets the eye (Cylon anyone?) but right now I can't believe it! Even as it was happening I didn't think it was happening. After the credits rolled I expected someone to come on the screen and say, "Ha, ha, early April Fool's". Hell, the TV is off and I'm expecting it to come on my screen.

What are the writers thinking????

A Little Bit of Everything

Poker
I didn't play much poker in February. I thought that since I was working from home I would have more time for poker but, the truth is, I have less. Or maybe I'm just bored and need a break from the game. I made the decision at the end of January to stop playing above my limits (I know I should have been doing that all along) and I've been sticking to it. The 25 cent tables are boring as hell. As for $1.25 sit-n-go's, well, they are all-in crapshoots. I usually just sit and wait for good cards and can get in the top four. Of course, top 3 pays so I've bubbled a few times and taken third a lot. I have yet to win because I suck at heads up. But, with my bankroll, I have no business playing at higher levels.

And, I'm registered. Are you?

Mac poker online

Bay 101 Shooting Star
It's almost time for the WPT's stop in the Bay Area. The week of March 12th all the big names will be in town with bounties on their heads. I'll be making the 5 minute trek to the card club to check out the action and I'll be back here with my take on the action. If anyone who reads this blog is going to be in town covering the action, drop be an e-mail. I'm available for airport runs, food runs, and late night whatever. I know a couple pubs we can hit up or, if time permits, the Sharks have 2 home games that week and I can most likely get tickets.

Television
I'm still majorly addicted to TV. Heroes has renewed my faith in quality TV and I'm not sure what I watched before Battlestar Galatica but it couldn't have been nearly as good. I've also got a new guilty pleasure, Men in Trees. There are some hot men in Alaska, McDreamy better watch his back!

My Knee
It was doing really well until last night when I smacked it against the desk in the one spot that hadn't healed yet. I almost passed out from the pain and probably set my full recovery back another month.

Blogging
I also had the silly notion that working from home would give me more time to blog. Guess we know how that is going! I'll keep trying though. I have a lot to say and you're going to get to hear it whether you want to or not, so stay tuned!

Shameless Plug
Visit Bodog Poker

New Look

For those reading through bloglines, the blog has a new look. Take a peek and let me know what you think. The next step is to update the blog links. If you want to be added, leave me a comment or send me an e-mail. Unless your blog sucks more than mine, I'll give you a link.

One thing I realized tonight about my new car. It is the exact same car that Hiro and Ando rented on Heroes. Same color, same interior. I wonder if that was in my subconscious when I went to buy it?

My New Toy

This is my brand new, fresh off the truck, 2007 Nissan Versa. If it is possible to be in love with a car, I'm head over heels! Only difference is I have the lighter colored interior.

In The Quiet

Everyone is sleeping except me and my cat Ricci who is scratching at a flea that had the nerve to interrupt his midnight nap, which will be followed by his 1am nap, then the 2am nap and so on. I can hear the fan inside my laptop, the freezer humming nearby and, finally, what sounds like the Light Rail horn in the distance. Occasionally a car drives by but the street is never very busy inside the mobile home park. I think the new neighbors are vacuuming. Who the hell vacuums at midnight? Especially young single guys in their bachelor pad. Maybe there is a special visitor coming soon and they don't want anyone to know that they are slobs. Of course one of them could be obsessive compulsive but, since they finally stopped, I don't really care.

Ricci has now decided that he needs to bathe before going back to sleep. He's pretty fat so he only cleans a small area then continues with his nap. Punkin is pretending to be asleep nearby. She knows I'll be going to bed soon and she doesn't want to miss out on annoying me as I try to fall asleep.

The vacuuming is still going on next door. I guess he just moved to another room. I hate to tell him but, unless they replaced the carpet since the previous owner, he should just give it up. She had sloppiness down to an art form. It took a month for workers to make that place inhabitable and I don't remember seeing new carpet going in. Supposedly, she had money but she certainly didn't live like it.

I've been sitting in this chair too long, my ass is getting sore. But, the quiet is kind of nice and I feel like, if I move, it will all go away. Then again, I'm getting tired of that fucking vacuum cleaner interrupting my thoughts. I'll probably be hearing it in my dreams when I finally go to sleep which I think I'll do now.

My Last Day

It's my last day at the hospital and I am going to attempt to live blog it. What are they going to do, fire me?

5:51am - pulled into parking lot, 9 minutes early. That's 9 more minutes I could have slept.

5:55am - finally get out of car. See Miguel smoking in the parking garage. I've been here 5 years and that's the first time I've seen him smoke. Shows how much I pay attention to co-workers.

5:56am - punch in. I think this means I can leave 5 minutes early.

6:00am - turn pager on and officially open for business. Check box for morning EKG's and find it empty. Uh oh, this could be bad. It could be a sign of a busy day. Murphy's law, morning starts slow and by the end of the day you are pulling your hair out because of the craziness.

6:01am - pray to the gods that it is a quiet day!

6:10am - Go to ER to gather the EKG's that were done the night before. Damn, they were busy.

6:15am- back to department to catch up on paperwork. Check box, still no EKG's. Send up another silent prayer for a quiet day.

6:50am - paperwork is caught up. Now I wait for the coffee shop in the lobby to open. I've got 10 minutes. I think I'm going to live dangerously and go for caffeinated today!

7:17am - I have free coffee (with caffeine) and pastry. The day can officially begin.

7:56am - I just finished my first EKG of the day. Since we have all that patient confidentiality BS I can't talk about her but I don't think her husband is covered by that. The first thing I notice when I walk in the room is his San Francisco 49er jacket. I immediately offered my condolences, as I often do when meeting a 49er fan (Maura can attest to that). This led to a nice sports discussion and the revelation that he and his wife have been together for over 50 years. Hard to believe but there are still people out there who make it work. That is one thing I will miss, meeting couples who still obviously love each other after decades of marriage. Especially these two because if I were her, I would have dumped him the second I found out he was a 49er fan.

8:22am - Just got my first piece of cake for the day. Everyone here knows about my love of all things butter creme so I expect more before the day is out. This one is homemade with chocolate frosting made by Rock, the hottest male nurse in the hospital. His muscles alone make him hotter than McSteamy and McDreamy combined and damn, he makes a good cake.

9:06am - That's 2 EKG's for the day. I've mostly been visiting with co-workers and rubbing it in that this is my last day. I'm evil but it's so much fun! and seriously, today is all about me.....right?

10:28am - No I haven't been busy, just finished my third EKG. I've been visiting with people and making smart ass comments in an attempt to get fired so I can go home early. Basically my motto for the day is "What are they going to do, fire me?" Go right ahead and do it so I can go home and watch General Hospital.

1:15pm - Still not busy. I've done 7 EKG's. The hospital bought pizza for the entire hospital staff so I was hanging out with the Respiratory Therapists waiting for the pizza. Soon I will be eating a cupcake that has about 2 or 3 inches of butter creme frosting on it, my going away gift from my manager. She knows me so well.

1:50pm - Had a little rush there, I did 2 EKG's in a row. I'm starting to feel like I'm at work which isn't really what I had in mind for my last day. And where is my cupcake, dammit!

2:33pm - Crap! The doctor showed up to read the EKG's from the last 24 hours. I'm actually going to have to work. I have to type up his reports and make copies, do filing. And I still don't have my cupcake! I'm gonna need the sugar rush to make it through the rest of the day.

5:20pm/5:45pm - I still haven't been that busy but the stupid fracking computer went down so I couldn't update until now and I know you've all been waiting to find out if I finally got my cupcake. The answer is yes and it was very yummy. Really all I have left to do is a little filing then, at 6:30pm, I can get the hell out of Dodge. I'd really like to say "Fuck it" and leave the filing for my soon to be ex co-worker but she knows where I live so I shouldn't piss her off.

National Freedom Day

According to the calendar I saw today, tomorrow is "National Freedom Day". I'm not sure exactly what that means, I guess I'm supposed to appreciate the fact that I can play poker online in the comfort of my own home......wait a minute.....Actually this post has nothing to do with poker, the UIGEA or Neteller. For me, tomorrow is the start of a new type of freedom.

Tomorrow at 6:30pm PST, I will be walking out of the hospital I've worked at for the past five years and not going back. Yes, tomorrow is my last day of 12 hour torture as an EKG Technician. No more early mornings. No more sweaty boobs and hairy chests. No more doctors acting like they are gods while they treat their patients like crap. No more evil co-worker from hell.

After tomorrow I will be working from home. Sleeping in, staying up late, as long as my work gets done, I can set my own schedule. How fraking cool is that??

So Far, I Like It

My first week on my new work schedule went well. For those not paying attention, I'm working 2 twelve hour shifts at the hospital per week leaving me with 5 days off. Not really off, but with no commute, as my other job I can do from home or anywhere else with wireless access. 12 hours is a little much on my still bruised knee but one of the advantages to working in a hospital is an unlimited supply of ice packs.

Poker has sucked this week. If you are going to enter Al's Blogger Dead Pool, I would be a sure bet right now to be the first blogger to lose my bankroll. It won't hurt my feelings if you decide to put me on your list and I will be honest about being broke so you will get full credit.

Speaking of Dead Pool's, I am taking part in F-Train's pool. It is totally morbid but I actually subscribe to celebrity death beeper and CNN sends me an e-mail whenever someone important dies, so morbid is evidently my thing. For those who want to follow along at home, here is my list:
1. Sid Caesar
2. Dick Clark
3. Tony Curtis
4. Farrah Fawcett
5. Annette Funicello
6. Estelle Getty
7. Zsa Zsa Gabor
8. Charlton Heston
9. Meat Loaf
10. Ricardo Montalbon
11. Harry Morgan
12. Nancy Reagan
13. Keith Richards
14. Nicole Richie
15. Roy Scheider

I realize Fidel Castro is a given and I should have included him, but it just seemed too easy. There were so many choices and selecting just 15 was tough but I'm happy with my list and I think I have a couple of dark horses that may just pay off.

And with that, I am off for tonight.

Welcome 2007!!!

Thank the gods it is finally 2007! 2006 probably wasn't my worst year ever but it was pretty damn close, at least top 3. My poker game was a great metaphor for my life in general, up and down with me seeing the down more often than I would have liked. I'm hoping the last trip to Vegas will be the turning point for both my game and my life as the highs far outweighed the lows on that trip (and those who were there know about the lows so that is saying a lot).

And that is the last I will be saying about 2006, it's gone, good riddance!

In 2007 I am looking forward to transitioning out of my job at the hospital and into the job I am doing from home for an awesome start-up. This job will also allow me travel if I want as I can work from anywhere with a wireless connection. If I can get my finances in order, I may make some appearances at some of the smaller, non-Vegas, blogger events. Plus I will probably visit my family in Maine a little more often, especially since Jet Blue now flies to Portland.

I am also hoping my poker game improves over the next year. Like I said, Vegas in December was a good start, but I want to see more consistency in my results throughout the year. So far, I've been playing a lot of HORSE on FT and I have been winning more than losing, however I have a lot of holes to plug up before that winning will mean anything. Seriously, if I leave the table with 25 cents more than I started with I consider it a win so the fact that I have been winning isn't a big deal...yet.

And that is pretty much it. No resolutions, just a lot of hope for a better year! May your year be filled with happiness and good health!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Happy Holidays!!!!

I will be at work for 8 long hours tomorrow. My proposal to kick all the patients out of the hospital so I could have the day off, wasn't accepted so I will be sitting in my department playing poker on my laptop and eating tons of junkfood that I will steal from the other suckers who have to work as well.


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

The Knee Report

There is no damage to any tendons or ligaments in my knee. It is just very badly bruised under the kneecap and will take a few months to feel "normal" again. The doctor took away by knee brace and crutches and told me to go back to work. I tried to get an hour restriction out of him but he said to go to work and see what happens. So, I go back tomorrow for a 5 hour shift. Basically, it is going to hurt but I can't do any damage by walking on it. I just have to suck it up and go for it. The real test will be the hockey game on Thursday night as my seats are in the 14th row of the upper bowl. Lots of stairs and they are all concrete. We've seen how well I do with those. Wish me luck!!

The Ugly Pt. 2

When we last left this tale of woe, I had just flown through the air and landed with a thud on the concrete below. The first thing Maura asked was if I was okay. I said a rather weak no and she then asked me what hurt. I think I may have said everything but it's kind of fuzzy. Maura didn't want me to move but the concrete was cold and I needed to evaluate the damage so I rolled over and, from there, managed to get up on a nearby bench. A passer-by, who must have witnessed my great aerial demonstration, went to get security and I sat in semi-shock trying to decide what hurt the most.

It only took a few seconds to realize that something was wrong with my knee. It was the first part of me to hit the concrete and it hit hard. I also saw blood on my left hand and the ring finger on my right didn't feel good either. I was lucky though, I didn't hit my head and all my Ethel M candy was intact.

Security arrives and it was decided that calling the paramedics would be the best option. In the meantime, they got a wheelchair and took me to the nearest employee break room. Imagine my surprise to see Dove and Ghirardelli chocolate on the table in the Ethel M factory. They said something about Ethel M being affiliated with them but I wasn't buying it.

Once the EMT's arrived things got really interesting. I've got to say, Las Vegas has some HOT paramedics. They asked if I wanted something for pain, which is like asking Al if he wants a SoCo, um....yeah, pain killers would be good. It became a competition between 2 paramedics to see you could start the IV first. Ryan may have won but he left me with one hell of a bruise. Anyway, the morphine hit me quick and I was soon on a stretcher and in an ambulance for the bumpiest, roughest ride of my entire life. I think the driver hit every bump between the chocolate factory and the nearest hospital, which was a good 10 minutes away.

Arriving at a hospital in an ambulance will not get you seen any quicker unless you are near death. At least not in Las Vegas. I was wheeled straight through the ER and into the waiting room where I was triaged and left to wait. Since I was on Morphine I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open but I vaguely recall Maura showing up and eventually being moved into the ER. Once there, I got to sit in a hallway with other patients who were waiting to be seen by the doctor. So much for patient privacy and this was supposed to be the quieter hospital. My business became the business of those around me and I was not too pleased. I work in a hospital and patient privacy is stressed ad naseum so, to me, this was very unprofessional. Of course I was so doped up on Morphine I didn't exactly object.

A doctor finally made her way by my part of the hallway, spent 20 seconds looking at my hand and knee, then ordered the x-rays. I saw her twice more after that for less then 10 seconds and I was released. All-in-all I was at the hospital for 4 or 5 hours to see a doctor for less than 5 minutes. They didn't even clean the blood off my hand.

The verdict was that nothing was broken but I should have an MRI on the knee and not walk on it. Thanks, like the shooting pain every time I tried to bend it didn't clue me in to that fact.

I see the knee doctor on Tuesday to find out the extent of the damage and how much longer I will be sitting at home on my ass. I'm hoping to be out at least through the holidays, and that is looking like a sure thing right now, but I don't want it to be too serious as I'm already getting bored.

Lastly, if it hadn't been for Maura, I wouldn't have gotten through this. She changed our plane reservations, took care of the car rental, made sure I had pain killers to take and waited on me as much as possible. She also called my dad and my work to fill them in on what was happening. I owe her a big thank you, as well as a few Vicodin.

Up next: The good and the bad parts of the trip.

Trip Report: The Ugly, Pt. 1

Everyone who went on the blogger trip last weekend already knows about the good (tournament) and the bad (wallet) portions of my trip. However, only the few who were in the "girly chat" the other night are aware of "the ugly".

Maura and I had decided when we made our plane reservations to stay until Tuesday the 12th to have a day to decompress before heading back to the "real world". Our plans for the day included chocolate, testing Grubby's slot machines at Green Valley Ranch, and getting some fresh air while looking at some pretty Red Rocks. Well, we almost made it through the first stop.

We drove out the the Ethel M chocolate factory. I can't go to Vegas and not come home with some Satin Cremes, it's impossible. Since we had a car and needed to use up more of the gas, we headed for the birth place of the luscious chocolate instead of one of the many stores in the strip area. Besides, it was on the way to Green Valley Ranch, our next stop.

After getting our free samples and making our purchases we decided to take a stroll through the Cactus Garden. I hear it is beautiful at night as they have it all lit up for the holidays. During the day, it's still neat to check out but it was a bit dreary and overcast. Maybe that should have been a hint to stay away!

While wandering through the garden we decided to head left down a little path of stairs. There was nothing ominous or scary about them but, if this had been an episode of "Lost In Space" the robot would have been yelling "Danger, danger Will Robinson". Me, I would have ignored the damn piece of tin and descended the stairs out of spite. Instead I started down while chatting. Obviously, multi-tasking was not the way to go on this particular set of stairs.

Things were looking good as I descended the first step without a problem. Suddenly, my feet took on a life of their own and I started to fall. I struggled to regain my balance and reached for something to keep me upright. Unfortunately the rail was not within my arm span. I flew forward, over the last couple of stairs and landed, knee and hands first, on the hard concrete below. Imagine if you will, the human cannonball at the circus, mis-firing. I'm fairly certain that is what I looked like. Maura will have to verify. Upon landing, I looked like I was making a snow angel, only I decided to fall forward into the snow instead of backward. If only there had been snow underneath to break my fall. Concrete hurts!

Next up: Part 2, Morphine, sweet Morphine!

You Know Who You Are

I just wish I knew your identity. Anyway, whoever you are, you know what you did and I thank you very much. If you are at the blogger gathering this weekend please identify yourself so I can buy you a drink to say thanks. I don't know what I did to deserve it but thanks, again.

I Apologize in Advance

I just marked everything as "read" in Bloglines, on purpose. Usually I do it accidentally, a mis-click of the mouse, but I was so overwhelmed with the number of posts I made the decision to start over. So, when I see you this weekend and you start talking about stuff you have posted on your blog, don't be surprised if you are met with a blank stare. With a couple of exceptions, I have no clue what has been going on with anyone in the past two or so months. At least I won't be at a loss for topics of conversation.

See you in Vegas!

I Need Friends

I have jumped on the MySpace bandwagon and created a profile. Now I need friends. So far I have Joanada and 2 other requests out. Please help a girl out and be my friend!

http://www.myspace.com/aprilinca

God that sounded fucking pathetic.

No Excuses

"The Wave should only be done at slow sporting events, like Baseball."

This is something I wrote in my little notebook last night as I watched the Wave move it's way around HP Pavilion during the Sharks hockey game. The last thing I want at a hockey game is people jumping up in front of me while my favorite player is taking a shot on net. Even though it started during a stoppage in play, it continued after the puck was dropped and I was not pleased. Fucking tourists!

Speaking of tourists, I will once again be making the trek to Vegas for the December blogging event. Check raising drunk cowboys brings such joy to my life, I really can't wait. I will be rooming with Hella Shelly along with Maura, who some may remember from my first blogger trip. It is also looking like a special guest will be making an appearance as well. For now I am keeping the identity under wraps just to annoy the crap out of the other attendees.

I finally got to meet my nephew a few weeks ago and I have to say, I almost reconsidered my decision to not have children. Then I came to my senses and kicked a two year old. Whew, that was a close call. Seriously, he is about the sweetest child I have ever met. Then again, he's only 8 months old and can't talk back yet. Once they start talking, it goes down hill fast. Evidently there are some decent photos of me holding the kid. Maybe I'll post one at some point.

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

I walked for Asthma research almost 3 weeks ago. I meant to update and thank everyone before now but, life has had other things in mind. Nothing bad, just busy. I just want to thank everyone who donated to the American Lung Association. I was able to raise over $600 for Asthma research and that was near the top out of everyone involved in the walk.

The day was cold and overcast but we had a good time. I finished the 5K in about an hour, which, considering I never exercise, is pretty damn good. So here is the final list of all those I need to thank:

Chilly
My April Twin
Easycure and Easycure's mom
Bobby Bracelet
Mr. Speaker
StB
Donkey Puncher
CJ
Gracie

If I forgot anyone, please leave me a comment and I'll add you to the list. I tried to keep track but I get distracted easily. Again, I thank you all. I really appreciate the support and my whole team thanks you!

Chilly is the grand prize winner. He gets to rename my blog for a week. I'll send you an e-mail so we can work out the when.

THANKS!!!!

Long Overdue

Things have been crazy, as always with me, and in all the craziness I forgot to mention my new sponsor (no, not the AA kind). Basically, it was discovered that I do have a price so I'd like to welcome the fine folks from Tightpoker.com to my blog. I hope they don't live to regret this decision when they realize how much my blog truly sucks!

Also long overdue has been any talk about poker on this blog. I haven't played a lot since the Vegas trip as I was in a bad down turn that continued throughout the trip. I seriously couldn't win if my life depended on it and I decided when I got home to take a little break. I ended up playing a bit over the last couple of weeks and I must say, not a damn thing has changed. I still can't win. Actually that is not entirely true. I get ahead and continue to play only to give back my profits and then some. I guess I just don't know when to stop. It happened in Vegas as well. At one point I had doubled my buy-in but I was having so much fun, I kept on playing. By the end of the night I had about $6 left.

It's actually a problem I've had since I started playing poker. I can't get myself up from the table no matter what. On-line or live it doesn't matter, I don't have the discipline to stop when the table changes or the cards go cold and I still have some money left. Any advice????

Still Around

Hello all! I am still alive but it's been crazy the past couple of weeks. Between health issues and work I haven't had time for anything else except sleep.

I still need donations for the Asthma walk that takes place in a couple of weeks so I am opening up my poker accounts for donations. If you haven't donated and are still interested you can make a transfer to April98 on either Full Tilt or Poker Stars. I would really, really appreciate the donations and there is still a chance to out donate Chilly for the right to rename my blog.

To Donate:
Transfer to April98 on Full Tilt or Poker Stars
or
Direct link to my donation page

THANKS!!!

Update!!!

Time for another 5K Asthma walk donation update.

First, there is a new leader. Chilly has edged out my twin and has a good chance of getting the opportunity to rename my blog for a week. I won't repeat what April said when I revealed this news to her but if I were you Chilly, I'd be watching my back.

Second, there is still time to make donations and to make an even bigger donation than Chilly to take the renaming rights away. I haven't reached my personal goal yet and my team still needs a lot of help with the team goal so please keep donating.

Direct link to my donation page

And now, thanks to everyone who has gotten off their ass and donated.

Chilly
My April Twin
Easycure and Easycure's mom
Bobby Bracelet
Mr. Speaker
StB
Donkey Puncher
CJ

Again, thanks for the donations and if you haven't donated yet PLEASE DONATE SOON!!!! PLEASE!!!!

Just A Few

I'm just going to take a few minutes and write whatever comes into my head....Consider yourself warned.

Steve Irwin's death was a shock to me. I really liked him and his show and my heart goes out to his family at this time. If that video footage ever makes it on the internet I hope the person responsible gets struck by lightning. No one needs to see it and it isn't how he would want to be remembered. He should be remembered for his conservation efforts, his educational programs, and as a husband, father, and son.

UPDATE: I found a couple of links I thought may be interesting. The first talks about the video and whether it should ever be released to the public. They pretty much agree with me but it is interesting reading.

The second link is the Animal Planet schedule of a couple of very good Steve Irwin shows. The first is The Crocodile Hunter - Steve's Story from 2000 and the second is Confessions of a Crocodile Hunter from 2004. Both tell the story of Steve's life through interviews with him, his family and his friends. I watched both the other night and found them to be very good as well as heart wrenching. If you get a chance check them out, they will be on all week.
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I finally saw Brokeback Mountain over the weekend. I was going to do a review but just take the opposite of what everyone in the media said about the film and you'll have my opinion. The worst part is that I will never get those two and a half hours back. There are more convincing gay love stories on the prison drama OZ.

My life is still crazy. I still have two jobs and health issues that won't go away. I see a new doctor next week and maybe I'll finally get answers. I haven't played much poker which is why you haven't seen much writing about it here. I've been playing other games and it's been a nice change. Hopefully I'll find my poker game again soon but for now I'm just going to limit my play until I feel I'm really ready to dive back in.

***************************************
Now for the 5K asthma walk update. Thanks to those who have donated thus far I am in the lead by a little over $100. I've called out my other team mates and told them they better get their ass in gear before I completely embarrass them. I couldn't do that without all of you but I still need your help.

Direct link to my donation page

The following people have donated money (If you're not on this list, what's your excuse?):
My April Twin
Easycure
Bobby Bracelet
Mr. Speaker
StB (I think)

and two other people whom I think are bloggers but can't identify be their real names. If you made a donation and aren't identified above please leave me a comment. Seriously I don't know that many real names and that's all I get in the notifications.

Also, twin is still in the lead for blog renaming rights. There are still 3 weeks left to make a bigger donation and steal the prize.

Again thanks for the support and keep spreading the word so I can continue to kick ass.

Unexpected

I had been dreading it all day. I bought the tickets a few months ago, back when I still considered myself in the Soul Patrol and was trying not to catch the McPheever but, months later, I really wasn't looking forward to the concert. Since it was really a birthday present for my step-mom and my dad was willing to go even though he wouldn't like most of the music, I knew I had to suck it up and go. I figured I could at least make fun of all the screaming 12 year olds in the audience and get some joy out of the evening.

So, there I was at Pop Tarts Presents American Idol's Live on Tour wondering what the hell I was thinking. Matching outfits and cheesy dance numbers was not at all appealing to me. Imagine my surprise when I discovered this was not going to happen (at least until the encore minus the outfits). Each singer had their time on stage to sing 2 or 3 songs. Sometimes there would be a duet when one singer was about to leave and another start their set. Everyone actually sounded pretty damn good even if I don't normally listen to a lot of what they were singing. I won't get too detailed because I know most of you don't watch American Idol and won't have a clue who I am talking about but my favorite part of the show was when Chris, Ace, Elliot, and Bucky, came out and sang "Patience". Yes, the Guns and Roses classic. Bucky and Chris played guitar and they all took turns singing. It took four of them to cover Axl's range but they did it well and it was a cool moment in the show.

So, all-in-all I was very impressed with my first, and most likely last, American Idol concert. We had great seats and they weren't very expensive so it was 2 1/2 hours well spent. Oh, and on the way out, we got a sample of the new Mint Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts. It was an unexpected treat for the long ass walk back to the car.

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Now for an Asthma walk update:

I wish I could say the donations are pouring in but, frankly, they are not. I'm wondering if my two previous posts offended people, if everyone is just all tapped out, or if none of you love me anymore. I'm hoping it's the first or second reason because, if it's the third, I'll have to cry myself to sleep. Look, I'm not good at asking for donations and if I upset anyone, I apologize with all my heart as it was unintentional. If you are all tapped out I'll just say, I understand and leave it at that.

As it stands right now, my beautiful twin April is in the lead for blog renaming rights. There is still plenty of time to out donate her so get those donations in and help find a cure for Asthma.

Direct link to my donation page!

A big thank you to April for her support and thanks in advance to anyone else who decides to donate!

That Sucked

Wow, I just realized how much last night's post really sucked. I've listened to more interesting Public Service Announcements. Look, here it is. I hate exercise, I hate mornings, and I'm hopelessly out of shape but I'm doing this 5K Asthma walk on September 30th, in the morning with bright sunlight shining down upon my very white skin. I am risking a migraine and a sunburn by appearing during daylight hours all to raise some money for Asthma Research and Education.

I know we have all been giving big all year long and it does get tiring not to mention expensive but, even though I can barely pay my bills, I've given almost every time I was asked. Now I'm asking for the favor to be returned. Is Asthma as serious as some of the other illnesses out there? Well, for a child who can't participate in the same activities as his or her friends, Asthma is devastating and every severe attack could be the last if it's not treated properly. Asthma does kill and every dollar earned gets researchers closer to a cure.

So, I am asking every person who reads this blog and every person who I have met in Vegas to help me out. What ever you can afford is fine. I set my goal low because I don't have time to do a charity tournament so I am dependent on your contributions. It would be great to exceed that goal but I'll take what I can get.

Donating is easy, the web page is all set up and it's all electronic so you don't have to worry about me running off with the money (not that I would but I thought I'd say that anyway). So please help me out and feel free to post this link on your blogs if you feel inclined to do so.

Direct link to my donation page!

Thank you in advance and all contributors will be acknowledged on my blog with the highest contributor getting the right to re-name my blog for a week.

The Wheeze Busters Need Your Help!!

Hello to everyone currently reading this post. I'm about to ask for something that many before me have requested and, hopefully, you all aren't tapped out for the year just yet. That's right folks, it's my turn to ask for your charitable donations.

On September 30th I will be doing a 5K walk with some of my co-workers in an effort to raise money for the American Lung Association. Our team name is The Wheeze Busters and this particular walk is to raise funds for Asthma Research and Education programs. I think most of us know someone who suffers from Asthma and how devastating it can be. And if you don't think you know someone who has Asthma, think again because I have it.

I don't talk about my Asthma much because, compared to my other issues, it's not a big deal for me. I'm lucky in that I know what triggers mine and can easily stay away from those activities. I haven't had an attack in over 6 years and I've rarely needed any medication for mine. That makes me one of the lucky ones. Most people with Asthma don't have it so easy and some people even die if not properly treated.

Imagine doing some activity that normal people do every day and, suddenly, you start to feel like you can't catch you breath. You start coughing and start feeling like an elephant is sitting on your chest, crushing your ribcage. It gets harder and harder to breathe and you know that if you don't get help quickly, you may die. That is the reality for many Asthma sufferers every day.

So, I am asking for your donations, big or small, whatever you feel you can afford and maybe we can put a stop to this terrible disease once and for all.

Here is the direct link to my donation page. April's Page

Our team goal is $5000.00. I set my goal at $750 but my personal goal is to raise more money than anyone else on my team. I need your help to do that but please don't feel pressured, just because I've bragged to all my co-workers about how great you all are when it comes to charity, doesn't mean you have to help me out. (PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LOOK BAD, I BEG YOU ALL).

Actually, whatever you can afford will be greatly appreciated and the person who gives the most will get the great honor of re-naming my blog for an entire week. I know it's not much of an incentive but I don't have much else to offer.

Thanks in advance for your donations and if anyone wants to help me out further by posting my donation page to your blog please feel free!

If you have any questions or concerns you can e-mail me directly at April9807 AT aol DOT com.

As I Sit Pondering

As I sit here on the couch watching the Degrassi every episode ever marathon, I wonder why my high school wasn't this cool. Then I remember that I live in the real world and my high school was in small town Maine. Sure, we had a Spinner, an Ashley, and probably a Marco, although he probably still hasn't come out, but they weren't nearly as good looking as these kids are. Seriously, I'd have loved high school if I had those faces to look at every day instead of the future rednecks of America.

Actually this is a good lead-in to some dreams I've been having lately. Basically, I go back to high school at my current age in an effort to do better in my classes. Talk about 10 kinds of wrong, why the hell would I want to go back to high school at 33! I had nothing in common with most of those people when I was their age, I'm pretty sure I have even less in common with teenagers now. Besides, if I go to a party where beer is present (and I would have to be drunk constantly if I went back to high school), I'm the one going to jail for contributing to the delinquency of morons. Those little fuckers would just lose their sports privileges for the rest of the quarter (happens every year in my hometown) while I shared a cell with Big Bertha.

I really have no point to this post but then I rarely have a point in any of my posts. I should re-name by blog "Totally Pointless" but what would be the point?

Final Table

I made the final table tonight of a FTOPS Satelitte for Event 6. I think it was the first time I have played a 6-handed tourny so I am pleased with the result although I didn't win a seat. I was the short-stack at the final so I was lucky to get that far. My final hand was actually ahead until the river but that's poker. I've played 2 tournaments since I got back from Vegas and this was my second final table (Bloggerpod was the other).

I hope this is my turning point because I lost a lot of money in Vegas and I wasn't sure I wanted to play anymore. I only played tonight because I needed a break from all the damn work I've been doing. 2 jobs make it difficult to find time to write as I'm either really busy or too tired.

Oh well, I pretty sure no one has missed me anyway.

And if you haven't been checking out the For Peyton charity auctions, get you ass over there. Even if there is no Auction going on you can still give some money to a great cause.

Baaa

If you all jumped off a bridge I would probably follow!

Mac Online Poker

Dreams

I've been having some weird dreams lately. Most are probably medication induced and I rarely remember much when I wake up but I do know there have been some crazy ones. Honestly, I don't mind so much. If I'm going to be dreaming I would rather it be something unrealistic or fantasy like. I wake up in a much better mood.

Take, for instance, the George Clooney dream I had last month. I'm not going into details but, in the dream, George was kind enough to say and do all the right things. It was a fun dream and when I woke up I was in a good mood because it was entertaining. There is absolutely no chance of any part of this dream ever coming true so I can enjoy it for what it is, pure fantasy. If I had it my way all my dreams would either be cast with complete unknowns or famous celebrities whom I will never meet let alone have any kind of relationship with. Seriously, dreams staring Clooney, Phil Gordon, or Starbuck from the new Battlestar Gallactica (did I just put that in writing?) are much easier to deal with than dreams like the one I had last night.

First a flashback. Picture it, I'm in high school and totally in love with this guy who is completely unavailable to me. We've all been there, falling for someone who is either married, in a relationship, just not interested in "that way", or, my personal favorite, gay. In this case, we were friends but he just has no interest in anything more. I started dreaming about him almost every night and woke up every morning feeling sad and alone. I knew that, no matter how much I wanted those dreams to come true, it wasn't going to happen. I had to go to school every day and see him. It fucking sucked, but not seeing him was almost as bad. All the dreams really did was keep me attached to him for a lot longer than I probably would have otherwise. The dreams gave me hope and kept the feelings alive. Again, it fucking sucked.

Fast forward to last night/early this morning when the new Mr. Unavailable (pick your own reason why he is unavailable because I'm not sharing that information) wanders into my dreams for the first time. I wasn't expecting it and I couldn't stop it. He said all the right things and I woke up feeling sad and alone. The sadness stayed with me most of the day but also caused me to really think about everything I've said in this post plus a lot that will probably remain unwritten, at least for now. One of the things that feeds my depression is the lack of a relationship in my life. Someone to really be there when things turn to shit and help me climb out of the pit. When I start dreaming of someone I know pulling me out or being there for me I would much rather stay in the dream because waking up feels like a punch in the stomach. They aren't really there and probably won't be, at least not in that way. Then I start to think that all I'm going to have are these dreams and there is never going to be anyone there. It just snowballs from there and every dream after just makes things worse.

I don't know that I really have a conclusion to this post. I'm still pondering things and wondering where this whole thing is going. Is it a familiar destination and should I jump off the boat now or should I hang in there because, just beyond the horizon, there will be something new? I think the answer will probably come while I'm asleep, I just hope I remember it when I wake up.

How a Fucking Douchebag Kept Me From Meeting Phil

It was the moment I had been waiting for since the second I heard about it, Phil Gordon, object of my lust, had arrived at the Caesars Palace poker room. As part of the festivities before the blogger tournament, my wonderful twin had arranged for a charity Roshambo tournament to benefit Phil's cancer charity. Phil was going to attend and participate in the tournament to assure a good turnout and I wasn't about to miss it.

Phil arrived and started mingling a bit while we were waiting for the program to start. I was chatting with John, awaiting my opportunity, when Phil approached. John spoke right up, introduced himself, and started to kiss Phil's ass (he wanted to set up an interview for later in the week). I was patiently waiting for my turn to say hi when this fucking douchebag started talking and WOULDN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!! He was going on about how he is a Full Tilt Affiliate (code: April98) and plays 12 tables at a time. He was monopolizing Phil and nothing short of a kick in the junk was going to get him to stop (and don't think I didn't consider it). Even worse was the fact that I could tell Phil was looking for the nearest exit. Seriously, this guy was fucking annoying as hell. I was trying to find a way to interrupt without violence or rudeness but it wasn't happening. Next thing I knew the program was starting and I was shit out of luck!

And that, my friends, is how a fucking douchebag kept me from meeting Phil Gordon.

I've Been Called Out

I have returned from Vegas in one piece but with no money. Basically every part of the trip that had to do with playing poker or any form of gambling, sucked. Actually, sitting at the poker table and meeting new people was fun, it was the fact that I couldn't win that was getting me pissed off. So, instead of a traditional chronological, and somewhat boring, trip report I'm just going to address things as they occur to me. First up, getting called out.

I expected a few people to give me a hard time about the fact that I haven't posted much this year. I even expected a person or two to question if I still qualified as a "blogger" but bloggers tend to be very forgiving and I was actually only called out by one person. I won't mention his name (but it rhymes with Ziggy) because he was a little drunk at the time and may not remember much about the conversation. He wasn't listening to any of my excuses and I can't say that I blame him. We all have crazy lives and we all have our own shit to deal with. I started this blog to talk about poker and all my other addictions. I also wanted a forum to share all the crap that is going on in my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Lately there has been a lot of ugly. I guess part of me is so used to telling people what they want to hear that I would rather not say anything at all then continue the charade because I just can't do it anymore. Everything is not fine and I'm tired of telling people that it is.

Truth is, there have been some very dark days in the past few months. There have been some even darker nights. Things haven't been this bad since high school where I spent most of my energy keeping people in the dark about what was going on inside. I learned how to tell people what they wanted to hear to get them to leave me alone and I guess, by not writing, I was hoping for the same thing here. I stop writing, you all forget about me and I'm left alone to wallow in my depression. History repeating itself.

Then I went to college and met some people who wouldn't let me get away with that. I was still depressed but I wasn't alone so it was easier to deal with. I felt the same thing in Vegas. Even though I was losing my shirt I wasn't alone. People included me in their madness and tried to take my mind off my bad luck. And it wasn't just bloggers who were there for me but the dealers and poker room manager Michael Matts at the MGM were all trying to keep my spirits up as well. They wanted me to win and be happy (next time a buffet comp would go a long way in making me feel better). I was losing but started having fun at the same time. It was a great feeling and one that I don't want to go away. I can't curl up and hope that everyone leaves me alone. The ride is about to get bumpy. It's time to hold on tight.

It's That Time Again!

Tomorrow I leave for Vegas for the WPBT summer gathering. I so need this vacation. Between the 2 jobs and health issues I seriously need a break. That being said, if anyone catches me anywhere near a computer you have my permission to slap me upside the head. The 2nd job is all on the computer and if I am near one it means I am checking in even though I have told all my co-workers that I will not, under any circumstances, go near a computer or answer their phone calls. That may sound extreme but they have been driving me up a fucking wall! Make one tiny mistake and they are all over me, save their asses constantly and barely hear a peep.

Enough of that, no more work talk for the duration.

I get into Vegas around 5pm Vegas time and about 2 minutes after checking out the room, I will be in line at Krispy Kreme. We have Krispy Kreme nearby but not eating them in Vegas just seems so wrong. After procuring my donuts I will be awaiting Hella Shelly's arrival and we will be heading out to dinner, possibly with a few others in tow.

From there the possibilities are endless. There will be drinking, poker playing, and all sorts of other blogger shenanigans. I'm ready for just about anything but mostly I just want to hang out and get to know some of you better. Oh, and win a hour long private lesson with Phil Gordon.

See you in Vegas!

Why Is It....

that when I am the most depressed, I play my best poker? The month of February was my best month to date and also my lowest point emotionally and the last two days have been great as well.

Something bad happened at work yesterday (hospital + baby + hysterical mother = something I never want to go through again) and after polishing off a beer, I played some poker. I decided to go up in limits, mostly because a table was open but also because I felt like it was time. I didn't crush the table but I did leave with a profit. Earlier this evening, I did crush the table. Cards were hitting left and right. People were betting into me, it was like a dream. Aces held up 3 times as did my Kings. Continuation bets were actually working. Again, I think I was dreaming.

I actually feel comfortable at this level so we'll see what happens in the next week or two. Maybe depressed isn't all that bad (and if you buy that, I've got a golden bridge to sell you).

See you in "Milwaukee" in less than a month!!

Can't Pass This Up

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 5468197

What the???

Phil Helmuth in commercials with the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, isn't that a sign that the world is coming to an end? And speaking of Phil, anyone else eagerly anticipating the train wreck that will occur with him hosting Celebrity Poker Showdown? Another one of the seven signs, I'm sure.

Speaking of train wrecks, that's what my life has felt like most of this year. I suppose most of my life has been spent dodging the train. I don't remember a time where I have been really happy although there have been some short periods of joy here and there. Happiness has been like a mirage off in the distance, when I finally think I'm going to reach it, it disappears. There was an incident in early February that nearly put me over the edge. Things were probably worse than my darkest days in high school but I stayed away from the bad poetry this time and suffered in silence.

I've spent most of my life telling people what they wanted to hear, often to my own detriment. Any time anyone tried to confront me I simply said all the right things to get them off my back and went firmly back into my own state of denial. I must have been convincing because it worked every time. Of course, a lot of the time, people don't want to believe the worst so they will accept the lies and push the doubt out of their minds.

It's funny because the one person I finally came clean with, probably has known the longest that I have a problem. Actually, there are probably people who know but don't want to know so they have never hinted at anything around me but, I digress. When I went to see my doctor in March she knew something was very wrong but she waited for the words to come out of my mouth. I told her about the "incident" and that, since I was off the migraine meds that just so happened to help my state of denial, I was really having a hard time. I told her that I have suffered from depression since I was at least 13 and I was in a really bad place. I expected some sort of reaction when I said the word "depression" but she just looked me in the eye and said "I know".

It was so freeing to say it out loud but I wasn't jumping for joy at the prospect of others finding out. Most of my family aren't the type that really believe in things like depression. It's the whole "you have a roof over your head and food on the table, what do you have to be depressed about?", mentality. So, I've stayed silent, until now.

Although I don't see myself saying anything to my family anytime soon I felt the need to speak up and share with those I've come to know over the past year. Many of you have helped me without even knowing it over the past few months and I thank you. Sometimes just logging on and having someone be there is enough.

Finally!!!!

For the first time ever the team I wanted to win The Amazing Race from day one, actually won the damn thing! That's all I'll say since it's not over on the west coast yet, but it put a happy end to my day since my hockey team hasn't faired so well.

That's right, the Sharks are done for the season. I knew going into tonight's game that they were probably not going to win. I just know the team well enough to know that they didn't have it in these last couple of games and weren't going to get it together in time to make a comeback. It sucks but there is always next season. I don't think I've ever been so calm during a playoff game but I've had a few days to come to terms with what I knew was going to happen and I was at peace with that. Frustrated, but peacefully frustrated.

I haven't had anymore weird dreams but that's probably because I've been so fucking exhausted. I've worked more hours this week than I normally do, plus I have had to go in earlier than normal, so I am wiped out by the end of the day. At least I'll have some money to take to Vegas with me in July.

Speaking of Vegas, I have reservations at the Excalibur for July 6th through the 11th and I'll once again be rooming with the Hella Cool Shelly. Now I just need to get my ass in gear and make the plane reservations. Is it July yet!!

Trying Something New

So, this hasn't been much of a blog lately. I could give a hundred different reasons why I haven't been writing but, seriously, who wants to read that? Instead, I'm just going to write. As a matter of fact, I'm going to try to write something every day this week. It may not be about poker and it may not have a point but I am going to make myself write anyway. Read at your own risk.

I've had some very weird dreams lately. They have been the kind of dreams that seem more like memories except they are so absurd I know they aren't. Take last night for example. I dreamed I was in a port-a-potty. This potty was on the edge of a very wet and muddy hill. While I was in there doing my business, part of the hill gave way and the potty started sliding down the hill towards a busy freeway. Somehow I managed to get the thing to turn away from the freeway but it was quite a freaky ride and I don't think I'll ever be able to go near a port-a-potty again. At least not without remembering this dream and laughing my ass off.

Until next time, tell me about your weird dreams.

I'm Back!

I realize most of you didn't even know I was gone but I was and now I have returned. I was on vacation back east and spent over two weeks visiting family. I now need a vacation from my vacation. Oh well, such is life with my relatives. I came back with a story or two and will try to get them posted once I've caught up on a few things, including all the blogs I didn't read while I was gone.

Until next time.....pretend you actually noticed I was gone and let me know if I missed anything important.

Have You Signed Up Yet??

Charity tournament tomorrow on Full Tilt and POY points on the line. I just signed up, now it's your turn.

Details:
What: Hammer Out Cancer - WPBT-POY Circuit Event(Tournament ID 3381723 under the Private section.)
When: April 16th - Sunday
Time: 9pm EST
Where: Full Tilt Poker
How Much: $10 + $16($15 goes to American Cancer Society so buy-in is 25+1)
Password: dahammer
This will count towards WPBT-POY points!

That's What I Get!

The playoffs weren't looking to be in the picture a couple months ago so I decided not to get tickets. Besides, I'm going to be out of town for all of the first round and part of the second. So, of course the San Jose Sharks just clinched a playoff spot. They can finish no lower than 7th place and could finish a few spots higher if all the planets align perfectly. Can you say oops?!!!!

Let me repeat the important part of this entry:

THE SHARKS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!

Time to Pimp

I've been a bad member of the community lately and haven't pimped many (or any) of the events. Tomorrow night is the next WPBT WSOP tournament. Here are the details (stolen from Pauly):

What: WPBT WSOP Satellite #2
When: Monday, April 3rd @ 9PM EST
Where: Poker Stars
Tournament #: 21868191 (see private tourney tab)
Buy-in: $30 +3
Format: NL freezeout
Password: socoshot
Restrictions: Bloggers only
Attire: Pants optional

I won't be playing because I have no money at Stars and I have to work. I also have no interest in playing in the WSOP this year as I have to much shit to deal with right now (oh, and I suck at poker).

Good luck to those playing and I'll try to stop by and railbird when I get home from work.

Miss Me??

This is the third time in 20 minutes I have tried to write this post. I've written it a dozen times in my head but when I sit down to put it on the computer, I draw a blank. I don't know how many times in the past couple of months I have wished for my brain to stop thinking yet, the second I need it, it fails me. Is that irony, coincidence, or just fucking annoying? Oh well, it will come out eventually and then you'll all wish it hadn't. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Brief poker update: February = profit for the first time since last July! Yeah me!

Congrats to Gracie and good luck in whatever event you use the winnings for!!!

Until next time......try not to think so much!

I'm Such A Loser

Jason has been in town since Sunday covering the WPT Bay 101 Shooting Star poker tournament and I haven't linked him up. He even said nice things about me on his blog so, really, it's the least I could do. So, go to Bluff Magazine and catch up on all the action, you won't regret it!