Feeding The Addiction

New blog

2011-08-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

Please proceed to my new blog, April in Maine. This is where I will be blogging for the foreseeable future but reserve the right to come back here whenever I feel like it.

Damned if I Do, Damned if I Don't

2011-05-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

I have been in Maine for almost 2 months and I'm starting to wonder if I am ever really going to get to go back home to California.

For those who don't know, my grandmother had a serious fall in March breaking both wrists. She had surgery and I was sent home to take care of her until she could get back on her feet. Since my 20th high school reunion is coming up in July, I figured I would stay until August and attend the reunion as well as a couple of family weddings. Honestly, I figured my grandmother would be back to normal, or at least able to care for herself, by the end of June and I would get some relaxation time before returning to my jobless, car-less, life in California.

My grandmother has been great. She is constantly telling people how she doesn't know what she would have done if I hadn't come home and reminds me every day that she appreciates my being here. Her progress has been good. Her left hand works better than the right so she is adjusting to be left handed. Unfortunately, she had another fall yesterday and cracked two ribs. I keep trying to tell myself that she is just off balance because of the splints but the truth is, she has been unsteady on her feet for a while. In November she had a serious fall on the escalator in the Philly airport, and when she was visiting California at Thanksgiving we were constantly reminding her to focus on what she was doing as she gets distracted easily and starts stumbling around. I honestly don't know if she can live on her own anymore and I'm wondering what that means for me.

I knew the day would come when I would have to move back to Maine to take care of her but, as my life in California has become more full, the more I was hoping that day would never come. I know that comes off as selfish but I like my life in California, with the exception of my unemployment, and it was hard for me to leave it behind even for the few months I thought I would be gone. The thought of being here beyond the summer makes me sad. I miss my friends, I miss my cats, and I miss my life. This isn't where I want to be but I can't not be here if my grandmother needs me. Basically, I think I am screwed and I'm not sure what I am going to do about it.

Options

2010-10-14T16:18:00.000-07:00

I spoke with my attorney this morning, at an hour when most unemployed people are still asleep, and we discussed my options with my bankruptcy arrangement. To sum it up, they all suck.

Option 1: I convert from a chapter 13 to a chapter 7. I lose my car but am able to add the new debt to the bankruptcy and get rid of it.

Option 1A: Same as above except I pay what I owe to this date on the car, minus what the trustee paid, then resume regular car payments. I don't know what the exact figure would be but I estimate between 1,000 and 2,000 dollars are owed on the car to get the payments up to date. Also, the car payments are only about $100 less than what I pay to the trustee.

Both option 1 and 1A come with a $700 attorney fee plus court fee of $25.

Option 2: Surrender my......as I was writing this I was interrupted by my older cat, Punkin, having a seizure. It is her second one of the day which is unusual for her since she usually has them at night and rarely more than once a week or so, that I know of. She recovers quickly but, while in the middle of the thrashing about, it scares me. I've had her for 15 years, almost as long as I have been in California, and I don't want to lose her. I also feel guilty because all I can think about is "be okay because I can't afford to take you to the vet".

While this incident certainly puts things in perspective, I still don't know what decision to make about my bankruptcy. Basically, in order to save any money, I have to give up my car. With no car, how do I function? I don't exactly live in a city with a good public transportation system and now I am thinking about Punkin having an emergency and me not being able to get her to the vet quickly. I can't afford my current situation but I can't afford to lose my car. I just don't know where to go from here so for now I am just going to hold onto Punkin and be thankful that she is okay.

As the ship sinks

2010-10-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

I just read the comments on my last couple of posts and, first, I want to thank you for your good thoughts, second and please be sure you are sitting down for this, I agree with Waffles. The ship is sinking, the lifeboats are full, go down doing something you love instead of living those last few moments in fear and anxiety. Just like the scene from Titanic. The string players pause, realize they aren't getting off the ship, and go down playing their music. I don't think I fully understood that scene until now, I just thought they had given up, but they hadn't. They knew the outcome was grim and they made a choice.

That said, I'm not going down without a fight, I'm just not going to work myself up into a panic or a deeper depression. I'm going to take things one day at a time and weigh all my options. The first option being converting my bankruptcy to a chapter 7, or at least discussing it with my attorney. I can't afford the trustee payment and I have debt collectors breathing down my neck, when you combine that with the little amount of money I'm getting from unemployment, I think I have a good chance of qualifying.

I don't know if this will free up any money for a trip to Vegas, but it will relieve some of the pressure. Then, I can reevaluate and figure out how to make Vegas possible. Like the last couple of trips, I won't be eating in any expensive restaurants or buying much alcohol but I should be able to make do with whatever I can scrape together because, quite honestly, I need this trip.

Post Script

2010-10-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sure some people have read my previous post and thought, "why is she sharing such personal information. Does she want sympathy, pity or something else?" I think my reason for revealing my true financial situation is because I needed it to be real. It is in writing, others have read it, people know my situation, and I can't pretend it doesn't exist anymore. I still have no idea what to do or how to fix the mess but it's out there and I can't ignore it.

I actually felt some relief after I posted it, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. While people have known I am short on money I think I did a fairly good job of hiding just how bad it has been. The fact that it is getting worse instead of better has to be dealt with before I'm in a hole I can't get out of, though it may already be to late.

No matter what I do I can't get ahead. No one will hire me and any money I earn from Mystery Shopping or other freelance work has to be reported to unemployment, at least legally. What that means is I get less in the unemployment check and really don't earn any more money than if I sit on my ass all day playing around on Facebook. It means I can't actually afford to go to school, unless I agree to a program approved by unemployment and even then I have to use that money to pay for it so I'm still not getting ahead. It also means that I have no business going to Vegas in December as there really is no money available. I can't justify the trip but I can't miss it either. My head and my heart are struggling over this and it is tearing me apart. I need this trip but I can't justify it.

I keep trying to tell myself that if I can make some extra money I can go on the trip but honestly, any extra money should go to the debt collectors or in my savings to be applied to the bankruptcy. While Vegas is always good for my mental health in the short term, the guilt I feel over spending money that should be applied to the bills ends up making it worse in the long term. So, do I not go to Vegas and succumb to the sadness of having nothing to look forward to or do I scrape together the money, have a good time, then succumb to the guilt of spending money on something fun? Or maybe I pray for a miracle? I just don't know.

Overwhelmed

2010-10-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't written here much over the last year because I don't like to fill my blog with all the crap that is a part of my every day life. I have been unemployed for a year and a half, I declared bankruptcy at the same time I lost my job, since declaring bankruptcy I have incurred medical debt that is now in the hands of collection agencies and on top of that I have clinical depression. All are things I really don't like to talk about but are such a huge part of my reality I don't know what else to do. So, I bottle it up, tell everyone "I'm fine" and wait until the day when I'm up against a wall and can no longer pay any of the few bills I have left. It's coming soon, I can feel it.

When I declared bankruptcy I didn't select the chapter 7 everything goes away kind, I selected chapter 13 which means I pay a certain amount of money every month to a trustee who pays the few bills it was decided I would continue to pay (mainly my car). Everything else was discharged, but every month, for 5 years, I have to pay a set amount of money that is almost the equivalent of one unemployment check. This leaves me with about the same amount to pay car insurance, medical insurance, gas, food, and a few other things I can't remember at the moment. Basically I am living on less than $1000 a month and only because my dad has waived my rent and I am ignoring the collection agencies. Last month I actually waived my bankruptcy payment (something I can do once, maybe twice within the 5 year period) because the money wasn't there.

Now it is looking like I may not have the money for this month's bankruptcy payment because I have to wait on a telephone interview with unemployment regarding me taking 1.5 college credits. I'm not supposed to take classes without their permission and it has to be in a program that they approve. Unfortunately the one program I want to study, Veterinary Technology, is not one they will approve because it is a 2 year program and they will only allow the unemployed to take programs that are 1 year in length. It is a messed up system and I am hoping that since I'm not currently taking classes full time, I will be okay. Problem is, I don't get another check until they make a decision and if they decide I'm violating the rules, I won't get another check.

This all leaves me wondering who in their right mind would still even consider going to Vegas when they can't even pay their monthly bills. This is where I become so overwhelmed I just about lose what little sanity I have left. See, Vegas is not a decision I make with my head, it is one I make with my heart. The anticipation of this yearly get together gives me something to look forward to and a reason to get out of bed. It gives me a reason to continue applying for jobs even though I never get called in for an interview. It is really the only thing left keeping me from giving up (I'm not talking about suicide but more about detaching from reality). If I make the logical choice, the obvious choice, what do I have left to look forward too?

I really don't know what to do. Plane tickets are bought and a hotel is booked but I owe someone else for the tickets and can't, at the moment, pay for even my half of the hotel. Then there is food and a poker tournament plus other expenses that may come up. This is when I wish money grew on trees because I would pay off the bankruptcy, pay off the bill collectors and make my dad happy by paying rent again. I feel like I am drowning and just when I might be able to take a breath, something pushes me under again.

This is why I stopped blogging. No one wants to read about my crap, not even me.

One Step At A Time

2010-05-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

The application for the Vet. Tech. program has been sent and my transcripts should be on the way soon but I still have an interesting conundrum to consider. Only 40 applicants get accepted to the program and, if they get more than 40 qualified applicants, they select through a random draw. I won't find out until after July 15th but I probably have to take 2 online introduction to veterinary assistant courses this summer that start in June. I hate spending money on classes before I know if I'm getting into the program but if I don't take the classes, they may revoke the offer if I do get a spot. Plus, I have to deal with unemployment if I want to do any sort of schooling. I was hoping to put that off until September, when the program actually starts but now I may have to deal with them in the next couple of weeks. Ugh...just when I thought I could sit back and wait for an answer.

If I knew I was getting into the program I would probably take Chemistry this summer as well. It is one of 2 General Education requirements I have to take because it has been over 6 years since I had college Chemistry and I didn't exactly pass it with the requisite "C". I also have to take Microbiology at some point but they recommend taking Chemistry first. Since Foothill is on the quarter system instead of semester system, both classes meet almost every day of the week and for several hours on lab days. It would be nice to get it over with before I start the Vet. Tech courses but, again, it's a lot of money to spend for something I may not get into.

I think I will probably take the 2 online courses. I don't think they will cost that much and the information will be good to have even if I don't get into the program. I just wish I had decided to do all this sooner so I wouldn't feel quite so overwhelmed by it all. Unfortunately I can't predict when moments of clarity are going to hit me and that is what really started this whole journey anyway.

I Have A Plan

2010-05-19T13:34:00.000-07:00

One thing that volunteering at the wildlife center has done is reminded me how much I love animals and how at peace I am with myself when I am around them. There is something about feeding a tiny bird that can't fend for itself that just puts everything into perspective. Considering I have been unemployed for over a year, it feels like the right time to go after a dream I have had for as long as I can remember, getting paid to help animals. Actually I wish I had decided to do this sooner because an important deadline is looming, but hindsight and all that.

My plan is to apply to the Veterinary Technology program at Foothill College. But, while this plan seems simple enough, I'm not sure it is as doable as I thought. It is a tough program, difficult to get into and even more difficult to stay in. The application deadline is June 1st and they only let 40 people in. Since they always get way more applicants than they have slots for, the qualified applicants get put into a pool and basically get selected by random draw. So, if I manage to get everything done in time, there is no guarantee that I will get into the program.

The next problem is what happens to my unemployment if I go to school full time? Right now this is my only source of income and if I lose it, I can't pay my bills let alone pay for school. This means I need to find out about alternate sources to pay for school and try to find another source of income, like a job, to pay the bills. I've been looking for a job for over a year, I'm not all that positive that I will suddenly find one now and without a job or an unemployment check, I'm screwed.

This leads to another issue, the vet. tech. program is 2 years of full time study. They don't want the people in the program to work as there just isn't time, especially in the second year when the student do clinicals as well as school work. It is made very clear in the application that if you have to work, you need to notify the people in charge of the program so they can determine if you are going to be able to do both. I understand why, with so many applicants they need to be sure they select people who will stick with it and succeed. Holding down a job plus being part of the program would probably be too much to handle for most people and I am probably one of them.

So, where does that leave my plan? I'm still going to apply and, if I get in, start praying that money suddenly falls from the sky or that I can get enough aid to do this. I'll be seeing about the aid at the end of the week but I don't know if this is a program that would qualify for the re-training programs that are available. If it doesn't and I get accepted, I don't know what I will do. Of course if I don't get accepted, it won't matter. Still, I am really hoping it will all work out somehow. I just wish I knew how.

Focus

2010-05-10T22:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was not a very focused person. Not that I needed to be but I can tell the difference between normal non-focused and completely out of my mind non-focused. I was completely out of my mind. At one point there was too much going on at once and I almost lost it.

My mind still feels muddled but at least the house is quiet now. I'm just going to sit here a while and enjoy the silence.

"Have you thought of getting into writing?"

2010-05-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

It has been over 20 years since I have seen him or spoken to him and after just a few e-mails that was his question. I apparently have a "remarkable turn of phrase and a way with words" and he thinks I would be "kick ass at it". Interesting observation on his part considering our e-mail exchanges consisted of some harsh truth and complete honesty. I guess I do have a way of telling it like it is and not sugar coating but does that really translate into any type of meaningful writing?

When I was young I liked to write stories. They were usually of the horror or scary variety, though I doubt they would have scared a kindergärtner, and really weren't all that creative. I'm too analytical to be creative or I would have probably gone into some sort of graphic art or design. I think at some point I realized that and stopped trying to be the next Stephen King. What I did notice was that I could write one hell of an essay on just about any given topic. In college I even had a professor keep a copy of one of my essay's to read to future students as an example of A+ work. I was proud of that essay but no longer have a copy of my own so I don't really remember what I wrote.

So, what does this mean for my future as a writer? Absolutely nothing as I don't believe I have one but it has reminded me why I really started blogging. It was never about being a poker blogger or any kind of blogger really, that was just a perk. For me it was a place to express myself in any way I wanted, about any topic I felt like writing about but somewhere I lost my way. I started trying to hard and the writing suffered. It started to feel forced and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I'd start to think about writing something then get a knot in my stomach because I was afraid it wouldn't sound like me or it would be too boring or not interesting enough. I realized I was no longer blogging for myself and cared too much what others thought. Considering I have a large group of friends who seem to like me for who I am, that line of thinking isn't really all that logical.

With all that said, this blog is going back to what it used to be, a place where I write what I want, when I want and it either gets read or it doesn't. People will like it, or they won't. It makes no difference to me. And who knows, maybe once in a while I'll write something "kick-ass" that has a "remarkable turn of phrase". You never know, it's happened before.

"Screw 'em!"

2010-01-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

Well, that seemed to be the consensus to my earlier thoughts. Actually, that was the conclusion I came to as well. Life is to short to care about what others think and the fact that some people may not like me is not a big deal. As I said, I don't like everyone I've ever come in contact with so I shouldn't expect everyone to like me.

This whole thought process came about as I was thinking about some ex-coworkers who I thought were my friends but obviously aren't. I say that because one of them lives very close by and never calls, comes over or anything. Not that she ever did when we worked together but I kind of thought that was because we saw enough of each other at work. The other co-workers lack of communication does surprise me a little but we did have a slight disagreement when she tried to take some of my shifts away from me. Maybe she never got over it.

Anyway, from there I just started thinking about why I cared so much. That goes deeper and takes me back to high school where I never felt like I belonged. All I wanted was to be liked, not popular (been there, done that, hated it), just wanted to feel like I was worthy of having friends. Truth be told, I had some amazing friends in high school and shouldn't have cared about everyone else but high school is kind of it's own world and rational thought doesn't often enter into the picture. Hind sight and all that.

So, to wrap it up, I had amazing friends in high school and I have amazing friends now. Everyone else can go to hell.

Now, time to decide if I keep Bob Dylan on my mp3 player despite his lack of vocal ability.

Thoughts While Walking

2010-01-05T12:03:00.000-08:00

Welcome back! It's been a long time since I wrote anything of substance on this blog but, hopefully, this is about to change. While on my walk today I decided to try something new, a regular series that I think may stimulate some discussion and possibly cause me to write more if a subject seems to be of particular interest. So, with that in mind I introduce my new series "Thoughts While Walking" (name subject to change if someone has a better title).

Why do I spend so much time thinking about the people who obviously don't like me? They aren't wasting their time thinking about me so why do I waste time thinking about them.
Why do I feel that everyone needs to like me? I don't like everyone I meet so I shouldn't expect everyone I encounter to like me.
I say that I value honesty but, if someone came up to me and said they didn't like me, would I really appreciate their honesty?
Would I want to know why someone doesn't like me? I'm not likely to make any significant change but knowing the reason may give me some insight that could help me in the long run.
Bob Dylan may be a genius when it comes to writing lyrics but the dude can not sing. He would not even make it to Hollywood week on American Idol. (One of his songs came on my mp3 near the end of the walk.)

So, these are some of the thoughts. Most of them I did come up with some answers to but I'm interested in other opinions before I go into more depth.

Let me know what you think either in the comments or through email if you prefer to keep your thoughts private.

Are you ready for Vegas??

2009-11-23T09:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know one pic has nothing to do with Vegas and another pic is sideways, at least I posted something.

Not The Way Things Should Be

2009-04-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, in a perfect world we expect our parents to die before we do. It's the way things should be and, truthfully, if we have to think about the how, we picture our parents in their nineties dying in their sleep of natural causes. Again, in a perfect world, that is how it should work.

Some friends I've known since birth just lost their mother after a long running and very horrible illness. She wasn't in her nineties and she should have had many, many more years on this Earth.

It really isn't fair and please, no platitudes about how life isn't fair and god knows what he is doing or any other crap. It really doesn't make anyone feel better.

The truth is that cancer fucking sucks and any god that allows that kind of suffering is a fucking asshole!

My Last Bad Decision

2009-03-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

Last December while I was in Vegas with the bloggers, I made it very clear that I was broke and lots of people stepped up and bought me drinks, dinners, and just really made me feel good and bad all at the same time. Good to know I had so many friends willing to help me have an excellent time and bad because there is always some amount of guilt involved in accepting people's kindness when it is in the form of money. Anyway, thanks to everyone who picked me up at the airport, bought me drinks or food, gave me some spending money to gamble, paid for a cab or bus ride, and talked me into going to see Steel Panther (definitely a highlight of the trip). I really appreciate all of you and hope that someday I can find a way to repay you.

Once I got back to reality I had to deal with my financial situation. While I was in Vegas I had a plan in place and now was the time to act on it. In February I filed for Bankruptcy. This was not an easy decision for me but I had 15 years of debt accumulated and not enough money coming in to cover the payments. Plus, when you add in some not so wise decisions I made earlier in 2008, I was royally screwed. I'm not going to go into the gory details of the bankruptcy. I go to court on April 6th and, provided none of the creditors come after me, it should all be finalized by the end of the month. When you add that to the loss of my job at the hospital (it officially closes April 10th), lets just say my birthday month is going to kind of suck. So, to that end I made one last bad decision.....next week I will be in Las Vegas again.

I know this is going to disappoint some of you as I really have no business going anywhere with my financial situation being what it is and I really have no good reason other than I need to get away one last time before everything hits the fan. Shelly got a good room rate and the airfare wasn't bad. I withdrew most of my Full Tilt money and should be all set for inexpensive food and some light poker play. I will stay away from slots and all other -EV games. I'll walk instead of taking cabs (except to and from the airport which I have managed to synchronize with Shelly so we can share). But, most importantly, I'm going to have fun and not think about the impending court date or my last weekend at the hospital or the news I got last week about a family member. Starting one week from today none of that exists until I get back from my happy place.

Until next time....cut up all your credit cards now!!!!

In A Daze

2009-01-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

I had hope that the New Year would be better, that I had hit the bottom and could only go up but, apparently, I was wrong. This year has not gotten better and I feel like the hole is just getting deeper and soon I won't be able to see the light at the top. I've made a mess out of my life and I no longer know how to fix it. While solving my financial problems will help, it won't be enough to get me out at this point. I'm not even sure medication can do it anymore. I'm overwhelmed and feel like I no longer have control over anything. It's not a place I want to be but I'm not sure how to get to a better place.

I just keep falling and, when I think I've hit bottom, it turns out to just be a ledge and I eventually start falling again. There has to be a bottom....right?

TV Rant - Grey's Anatomy

2009-01-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

WARNING: There may be spoilers, read at your own risk.

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He plays a hot dead guy and, let's face it, playing dead has kind of become his niche, but his storyline on Grey's has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! If the show hadn't yet jumped the shark, and I personally think it jumped when Meridith didn't die, it definitely jumped the day Izzie had sex with a dead guy. The thing is, I can't stop watching! I need to know where this crazy storyline is going. Is Denny there to take Izzie to the great beyond and, if so, how is she going to die? Will Eric Stoltz slit her throat or will Christina finally try to murder Meredith only to have Izzie jump in the way and get killed instead?

Really people, why is this Izzie banging a dead guy storyline so surprising? Did we really take a show that uses the nicknames McDreamy and McSteamy so seriously in the first place? Sure it makes no sense, but when has this show really made sense? The interns don't look any younger than the residents. They've had explosions, floods, and a bunch of other tragedies at the hospital. Derek is in love with Meredith. Does any of that really make sense?

Let's just enjoy this show for what it is, a guilty pleasure that isn't taking itself so seriously. Truthfully, there are enough serious dramas out there with Law & Order, CSI, Bones, House, and Ghost Whisperer (ok, maybe not Ghost Whisperer) that I don't mind a little bit of stupidity in my week. As I said, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is hot and I can withstand a dumb storyline to see more of his hotness. I just wish he'd change his clothes, that gray shirt is driving me nuts. You would think that if a dead guy could have sex, he could change his clothes every once in a while.

Estella Toby Jipson Eaton

2009-01-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

This is my great-grandmother on her 100th birthday this past April. A few days later there was a huge party with a couple hundred members of her family. She had a brand new dress for the occassion and seemed to have a good time despite being overwhelmed. Just a few short hours ago, this lovely lady passed away. I don't know the details but she was 100 so I don't think it's that difficult to figure out.

I don't have much more I want to say at the moment. I'm still processing everything. I will say that I'm glad I got back to Maine for her birthday party as I won't be able to afford the flight back for the funeral. Anyway, it's probably better to remember her as she was last April 15th.

UPDATE:

Funeral arrangements are in progress but she won't actually be buried until spring. There will be another service at that time and my goal will be to fly out to Maine for that.

Apparently she knew her time was about up as, on New Years, she told one of the relatives that she wasn't going to need the TV anymore. She lost a son a few years ago and her sister about a month ago and it was just getting harder for her. It was her time.

Morning Walk Musings: Off to School, Part 1

2008-12-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

This morning, while on my walk, I sent out the following twitter:

"Extra layer of warmth for walk today was a smart move. Still not as cold as when I would walk a mile in the snow, uphill, to school."

I'm not going to whine about how cold it is today because I'm from Maine and I know real cold. I also know the second sentance of that tweet is actually the truth. For 2 years I walked a mile to school every day, no matter what the weather, and there was a hill I had to trek up at the end. Then, once I got to school, I'd have to wait outside with everyone else until the bell rang. I usually didn't thaw out until second period. I'm sure there are other people who can relate. Most schools had a rule that if you lived less than 1 mile from the school, they would not provide bus service. Here's the really crazy part.....I could have taken the bus.....my house was 1 mile from the school.

I lived in California during my elementary school years and, part way through my 4th grade year, we moved and I had to go to a new school. The school I left behind was really nice. There were small classes and everyone got along. When I started the new school I discovered I was in a whole new world. On my first day I was challanged to a fight after school. The girl later backed down because she decided she liked me. This school also became my first experience with "The Clique". Back then I didn't know the term "clique" but I could see the kids would divide themselves into different groups during recess. If you didn't know the secret "code" of the group, you weren't invited to join. I found the whole thing rather strange but knew I wanted to belong somewhere, I just wasn't sure which group would accept my code.

Almost Time

2008-12-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

In less than 12 hours I will be in the airport awaiting my flight to Vegas. Although I'm somewhat excited, I'm also a little frustrated to be more limited in my spending than usual. Let's face it, me not having much money for these trips isn't new. One summer I left with just enough money for the cab ride to the airport after spending more than I had planned. This time there will be no credit cards to go to and only one ATM stop allowed for a tiny bit of back-up cash I'll have available Friday. The situation really has me less excited than normal.

I may make one exception to the dollar menu rule, however, for a trip to the Hofbraus, provided the group doesn't try to ditch me again. ;) I had fun there and would really like to go again. I'll just have to play it by ear and see how the money situation is when the time comes. The hardest part of the whole thing is going to be getting myself out of this funk I'm in. For four days I just want to forget about everything waiting for me when I return. I really don't think that is too much to ask.

At the Airport

2008-11-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here, contemplating life. That's what I do when I'm so tired that I can barely keep my head up. I didn't get to sleep last night as early as I wanted because I remembered I hadn't checked in for my flight yet. Southwest allows check-in 24 hours in advance and I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on group A just because I need some sleep.

I had an overpriced CPK pizza and now I'm drinking an overpriced Starbucks hot chocolate wishing it was time to get on the plane. I need to be away from everything for a few days though I probably won't get away from my family much. At least I won't have to listen to angry creditors on my answering machine or receive warning letters from my credit card companies. It will all be here when I get back but the week of peace will be nice.

Mom's divorce should be final tomorrow. I'm sure she'll be happy and want to celebrate. She's already got someone to celebrate with, I just hope he doesn't become husband number four. I can't watch her go through this crap again. She swears that they are just friends and going to take things slow but that's what she said about the last one and look where that got her. Oh well, I'm 3,000 miles away so I'm not going to worry about it.

I've still got an hour before my flight leaves for San Diego. Not sure what I'm going to do to pass the time but I think it will require no thinking on my part. I'll just try to veg until it's my turn to board.

Tired

2008-11-23T09:58:00.001-08:00

I'm at work and could fall asleep at any moment, not that anyone would notice. I have the office all to myself and there is a nice comfy gurney in the corner. We also have a keypad entry to the department that beeps when the code is being entered, so I have ample warning before someone comes in to get up off my ass and look busy. Of course I'm too tired to get up and walk over to the gurney so I'll probably just fall asleep on my laptop and send incoherent IM's to people.

Big Congrats to Iggy for making the final table in the Latin Series of Poker event in Costa Rica! I wish there was somewhere I could go for live updates when the action starts but I'll be on a plane later this evening and won't be able to check anyway. I'll just have to wait for Tweet updates. Kick some ass Iggy!

Let me rephrase that...

2008-11-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

When I said I shouldn't go to Vegas I meant to add that since the non-refundable tickets and room are paid for, I will still be going. I'll just be eating off the dollar menu at McD's instead of Craft Steakhouse (someday I will eat there!). I'll be ordering iced tap water from the bar and not playing a whole lot of poker. Of course a big paying job could come up between now and then but right now it's not looking good so I'm going to try to save enough money for the tournament buy-in, some money to eat on the cheap, and money for the cab fare to and from the airport. Anything else will just not be possible as I can no longer use my credit cards for anything.

Anyway, that is the much shorter and much less pathetic post I was going to put up earlier. I'll try to make my next post a little more upbeat. I'm in San Diego next week with the nephew so there should be something good to blog about.

Stuck

2008-11-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

This was going to be a post about how broke I am and how I shoudn't go to Vegas but it sounded way to whiney and pathetic so I deleted it.

How's that for my first post in over a month?

Drama, Part 2

2008-10-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the ridiculous thing that happened next in the story let me set-up a little background. My soon-to-be ex-step-father is a big man. He is about 6 feet tall and over 300 pounds. He was in the military and served in Iraq the first time around. He had some sort of special forces training so he is good with a gun and knows how to make explosives. Personally, I was never comfortable around him as he always carries a side arm and his mental state is questionable though it didn't always seem that way. He is on permanent disability from some sort of accident that happened in 2003 while he was a truck driver and takes so many drugs it's a wonder he isn't in a stupor most of the time. He claims he is always in pain yet he is able to unload huge bails of hay from his truck, take care of 5 horses, a bull, 3 pigs and a bunch of chickens (though "take care" is a relative terms considering the bull's stall didn't get mucked out at all last winter), and he has been building fences and chopping wood. Not bad for someone being taken care of by the state! He knows nothing about finances or budgets and got in trouble with some Internet money order scheme earlier in the year. I think the picture has been drawn sufficiently so now for the ridiculous part.

The day after my mom's birthday I went to pay the retainer for the lawyer. I had it on good authority that my step-dad had been seen going into the courthouse that day so I mentioned it to the lawyer. She grabbed me and we walked next door to the courthouse to see if she could get some information. It turned out the asshole had filed for a protective order against abuse by my mother. This big man with special forces training was scared of my 5 foot 4 inch, never hurt a soul in her life, mother. Some of you met my mom a couple years ago in Vegas and I don't recall any of you recoiling in fear that she was going to beat the crap out of you. Seriously, how ridiculous and what a waste of the courts time.

Since it was a Friday the order was granted. Apparently if you want a bogus protective order granted Friday is the day to do it. Judges don't want to take the chance of something bad happening over the weekend so they grant just about all of them. A hearing was set up for the following Friday.

In the meantime my mom got upset all over again. She didn't, and still doesn't, understand why he was doing all of this. I mean, we know it was a ploy for him to keep her out of the house but still, a protective order??? I was back in California by the time the hearing happened and the order was thrown out. My step-father was told he could remain in the house and my mom had made up a list of the items she wanted from the house and the judge said she had until November 1st to set up a time to get the stuff. Of course my step father interpreted the order to mean that he could pick the day and time regardless of whether it was convenient for my mother. That day and time turned out to be 2pm EST today. Wait until you hear what happened with that.

Drama, Part One

2008-10-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

I've been back from Maine for 2 weeks and in that time I've had a sinus infection and a bad allergic reaction to not one, but 2 drugs. This is all just part of the joy of being me I guess.

I went to Maine to deal with what I called a family emergency. It was more like family drama but no one looks at you funny when you say "emergency" they just assume someone is dieing and leave you alone.

It all started on September 12th when I got a text from my mom telling me to call her. When I eventually got through she was extremely upset. It seems my jackass of a step-father had her served with divorce papers while she was at work. Let's forget about how humiliating that is for a second, she was completely blindsided. I'm not exactly sure how the next few hours played out but she ended up going home to find that the bastard had changed the locks on the door. She had been locked out of her own house. He did let her in to get some clothes but he basically kicked her out with no money and no where to go.

I spent the next hour trying to talk my mom down off a ledge. She was being hysterical and unreasonable and scaring the crap out of me. The second she suggested disappearing I knew I had to get on a plane. I set her up in a hotel for the night and got on the red eye to Portland.

When I got off the plane I took one look at my mom and thought for sure someone had died while I was in the air. She looked devastated and when she hugged me I didn't think she was going to let go. There was a lot of crying over the next few days as well as a visit to the house to pick up more stuff. I resisted the urge to kill the bastard, since he carries a side arm with him at all times, and did my best to keep my mom from doing anything stupid.

I helped my mom hire a lawyer and set her up to live with my grandmother, her ex-mother in law. My grandmother has always liked her better than my step-mother so she had no problem taking my mom in. My mom also has her dog Toffee that she took from the bastard so I was comfortable with the set up. My mom had a birthday while I was there and we had a small celebration for that. Things were looking up when the asshole went and did the most ridiculous thing ever.....

How...

2008-09-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to head back to California next Thursday. While I'm thrilled to get back to my life, I'm not sure it's the right time to leave. The family drama isn't close to being over and in some ways has gotten worse while in others it is better. I know I'm being cryptic but the details just don't need to be released on the Internet. Anyway, my mom still needs me and I'm a little scared to leave her alone in her current situation. So the question is, how do I leave someone who still desperately needs me?

I can't stay here forever, I'm already going stir crazy and I'm very close to losing my job at the hospital. What the hell am I supposed to do? How good of a daughter do I have to be? I've been a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, and I've loaned money that I don't have and probably won't see again....why do I still feel bad about leaving?

Not Much Time

2008-09-12T12:23:00.001-07:00

It always amazes me how quickly things can change. I've spent my morning getting my stuff together for a last minute flight to Maine. There is some family drama going on that needs my personal attention. All I'll say at the moment is my step-father is a bastard!

Look for twitter updates as I'm not sure how much Internet access I'm going to have. I also don't know how long I'm going to be gone. Luckily Jet Blue isn't screwing me too much for the ticket and they don't charge for the first checked bag. I imagine I'll be flagged for extra screening though since I booked the ticket at the last minute, won't that just be an excellent start to a drama filled trip!

Until next time...whenever the hell that will be!

It's a Miracle

2008-09-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm actually blogging. I hope my faithful reader doesn't bump her head when she faints from the shock. I'm actually playing poker at the moment as well. That's 2 miracles at once, you don't see that too often!

Here's a bullet form list of what has been happening in my life since the last blog post:

*The kitten has been named Milo. No, not after the movie. I've never even seen the movie. I just liked the name and it seemed to fit.

*I've been incredibly busy with freelance projects. Good thing because the hospital is either changing ownership or closing. Both options could result in me losing my job there.

*I hurt my back over the weekend and have been on drugs ever since. Luckily it was workers comp and I don't have to pay for the ER visit.

*I've decided I will not be mentioning anything regarding politics on this blog. My mind is made up regarding the election and no one is likely to change it. I also doubt I will be able to change any other minds so I'm not going to bother. I declare this blog a politics free zone!

*I'm going to Napa for a few days next week for some peace and quiet. I can't wait! No kitten biting my feet for 2 whole days! I may play some poker at a nearby casino while I'm there, depends on how much wine tasting I do before I make a decision.

*I'm going to be in San Diego the week of Thanksgiving visiting with the nephew. If anyone in the area wants to get together, drop me an e-mail. I will need the break. A whole week with a 2 year old is not my idea of a vacation.

*Finally, I will be in Vegas in December. I'm actually staying at the IP for the first time in a couple of years. I got a great package deal through Travelocity. The first person who makes some snide remark about how I don't blog anymore is getting a punch in the nose and everyone after that who makes a comment will be required to buy me beer until I forgive them.

Until next time....

Thank You Poker!

2008-08-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

Poker, I just wanted to thank you for making my first SNG in over a month so memorable. Actually the last hand was really the only memorable part. I mean, 4 people all-in and I have the best hand pre-flop....it was looking so good. Then you teased me with a flop that hit none of us and you let me believe I might actually win the hand. Honestly, my kings should of held up against two AQ's and a pair of tens, at least in a perfect world.

I really could have done without that third ten on the turn. I knew I was going to need a miracle card on the river and I was really hoping I was going to see it. So why, after my beautiful apology yesterday, did you have to deal the case 10 on the river? You couldn't just stick the knife in, you had to twist it and throw some salt in the wound as well? Thanks alot you sadistic bitch! That was a welcome back that I won't soon be forgetting.

Sincerely (you fucking nutjob),
April98

Dear Poker,

2008-08-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

I know you miss me, I miss you too but if you knew about all the crap I went through last month I think you'd understand.

It all started with a trip to the emergency room. I was having chest pain and it wasn't going away. After 10 hours, 6 needle sticks, an echocardiogram, and a chest CT, I was sent home with no real explanation other than it didn't appear to be my heart. I did get the weekend off so it wasn't a total loss but I was in no mood to play.

Things were starting to look up when July 4th rolled around. My dad was in a lot of pain with what we thought were pneumonia related problems. I mean, his doctor said he had pneumonia and she couldn't be wrong, could she? After a lot of back and forth we finally got him to go to the hospital. Luckily the doctor wasn't buying pneumonia even though that's what it looked like on the x-ray. My dad was admitted and we found out the next day that he had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). We still have no idea where the clot came from but, after 4 days in the hospital he was released and has been steadily improving ever since. We got lucky on that one!

In the midst of all this I was getting awarded freelance jobs that I had to delay until my dad got out of the hospital. Luckily all the clients were great and had no issue with the delay. People are willing to wait for good workers to become available, nice to know. Once I got started on the projects there really wasn't any time left for you or anything else really. I was really starting to miss you by then.

The next issue in my life was my attempt to trap some feral kittens. I got one and the next night I got careless. He bit the crap out of my finger. For an animal with such tiny teeth, he did a lot of damage. The next morning brought another trip to the emergency room where I was stuck with an IV and given antibiotics. Since the alternative was a raging infection and probable amputation, I was more than willing to let the nurse dig around to find a good spot for the IV. The bruise that followed actually looked worse than the cat bite.

Since then I've been working and playing with the new, and still nameless, member of the family. It's hard to play poker with a kitten walking across the keyboard. I'm afraid he's going to fold quads or something! I think we can both agree that would be bad!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I haven't been ignoring you and I'm not mad at you, even when my aces keep getting cracked on the river by some moron with 8, 2 unsuited. I know that's not your fault, I should just fold my aces pre-flop and it wouldn't be an issue. I'm hoping to have some time this weekend to get re-acquainted. Maybe you can throw some winning hands my way? Either way I know we'll have fun.

Take care and I'll see you soon.

Your BFF,
April

One Ends, Another Begins

2008-07-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am ending the "name my business contest" and announcing that no one has won. While there was one suggestion that stood out, it still wasn't quite right. Last night I finally decided on A.M.H. Research Solutions so we'll see where that takes me. Since only 4 people entered I am offering you each a consolation prize, see me in Vegas and I'll buy you a beer or shot. Thanks again to Gracie, Easycure, STB, and Maura for the suggestions.

Now for the new contest. If you read my last post you know there is a new member of my family. We were calling him Opie but that just isn't working so I'm looking for suggestions. Names I've already tried but don't like include, Puck, Toby, Tiger, Tigger, Elmo, and every San Jose Sharks player. They just weren't right and I'm stumped. He's a crazy kitten with long legs and a very slight overbite. He loves to play with anything, moving or not as he will attack my feet in the middle of the night. He's still scared of new people and hasn't warmed up to my dad or step-mom yet but he purrs for me all the time. He's clumsy and a bit awkward but the most adorable kitten I've seen in awhile.

So, there you go. Feel free to send me your suggestions via my e-mail, April9807 @ yahoo . com

Prize will be the drink of your choice next time I see you so long as it isn't the most expensive shot at the bar. I do plan to be in Vegas in December so, if you win and are there, I'll pay up at that time.

Newest

2008-07-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

I would like to introduce you all to the newest member of my family. His name is Opie.

We have a feral cat problem in my mobile home park which has led to a feral kitten problem. I got it in my head that I was going to trap the kittens and rehabilitate them then find them homes. I trapped one about a week ago and the rest scattered. After one bout of carelessness on my part that required a trip to the ER for antibiotics, he is now the sweetest little thing in the world. He still needs to get used to other people but he doesn't run and hide or hiss at me anymore.

His first trip to the vet is tomorrow where I'll find out exactly how old he is and if he's as healthy as he looks. I'm guessing he's 7 weeks but I could be off by a couple. I do know he's old enough to have some sharp teeth though. I have the hospital bill to prove it!

Hilarious

2008-07-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

No time to write. I came across this while doing a research project. It was labled the Evolution of Dance. It's 6 minutes of hilarity!

Contest!

2008-06-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

As my regular readers know I have been working from home on freelance projects for a few months now. I am at a point where I feel I need to be a bit more professional and come up with a business name. At the moment I go by CaApril which isn't exactly a businessy sounding name. I am looking for a name that will say something about me and something for which a logo may be designed for at some point in time. It could also become an official business name if I decide to go that route.

This is where the contest comes in....send me your suggestions and you may win a $50 gift certificate to any retailer listed on GiftCertificates.com.

Basically I do online research, data entry and other administrative tasks. I am focusing on the research though as there is less offshore competition.

Send your suggestions to April9807 - @ - yahoo DOT com

I reserve the right to not select any if they all suck but I somehow doubt that will happen. If I like more than one suggestion, it may be put to a vote or the winner may be selected from a hat...whatever strikes me at the time. You may submit more than one suggestion if you wish. The more original and unique the suggestion, the better chance you have of winning. Contest will end when I feel like ending it which could be at any time so don't wait.

Only suggestions sent to my e-mail will be considered as I don't check my comments here very often.

Mistakes

2008-06-08T20:43:00.001-07:00

If you have been following me on Twitter (CaApril) then you know I am in Vegas and played in the 5pm MGM tournament. If you don't follow me (or anyone else) on Twitter then you must be named Steve.

During the tournament I made 3 mistakes that probably would have kept me alive to the final table. My first and second mistake were the same which makes the second one much dumber than the first. Basically I should have bet the river but I chickened out and checked it. I was last to act and I got scared. There really is no room in poker for fear and that is my biggest weakness. I don't know that betting the river would have got me any more money but I should have taken the shot.

My third mistake was folding pocket 7's pre-flop with a large raise and an all-in in front of me. It was right after the break and the structure had turned the tournament into a push fest. Really, any pocket pair should have been a push and I balked. The worst part was when a 7 came out on the flop. Talk about a sinking heart.

Anyway, for my first live non-blogger tournament I think I did okay since I did make it to the final 2 tables despite playing like a wuss. The fact that I can recognize my mistakes means I can only go up from here and I will hopefully not make the same mistakes again.

One more day in Vegas and I'm not sure what I plan to do. More poker, another tournament, or something unrelated to poker. Any suggestions?

I'm a Follower

2008-06-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

I can now be found on Twitter! Look for CaApril and follow my mis-adventures this weekend in Vegas.

Speaking of Vegas, thanks to the Federal Government, I will have 600 extra dollars to spend while I am there. I got my economy stimulating check yesterday just in time for my trip. Good thing to because it's been a slow week on the freelance front. One week I get 5 jobs, the next I get a whole lot of nothing. I did get caught up on some of my Tivo though so it wasn't a total loss.

Also wanted to make a quick mention of a movie I watched a week or so ago. It's called The Orphanage. It's a Spanish movie so if you don't like reading, stay away. I found to be very haunting and just really good. I don't really want to say much else as I'm not into spoiling it for everyone else but I do recommend it.

I leave for Vegas in the morning, pick up my rental car and then I'm heading to the MGM until around 4pm when I can officially check into my condo. My cell number is on the spreadsheet or you can e-mail me at April9807 AT Yahoo DOT COM and I'll send it to you. I have no specific plans other than meeting up with bloggers at the bars and such. I'm also considering a couple of shows. So if anything interesting is happening give me a call or send a text and I'll be there.

Poker?

2008-05-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, I actually played some poker this week. I played in the $15,000 guarantee midnight madness and actually finished in the money. I think I made a whole 3 bucks! Considering I haven't played a poker tournament since I was in Vegas last December, I'll take it. There really weren't any memorable hands, I just happened to get some good pocket pairs at the right time and got all my chips in the middle. I expected someone to suck out but my cards actually held up and I stayed alive.

Speaking of poker, I can't believe I am going to be in Vegas again in just a couple of weeks. I'm excited of course but also nervous. I think this is the first time I'm going to be there with no "security blanket". No Maura, mom, dad or Shelly sharing space with me and helping me keep my insecurities at bay. I will be all by myself. It's not that I've never been to Vegas alone before, I went on a short trip a couple of months after 9/11, but I'm going with expectations to hang out with my friends and wondering if anyone really wants to hang out with me or if I'm just going to be humored for a while and then abandoned. See, I told you I have insecurities.

No worries though. I can always go back to my condo and curl up in the fetal position under the kitchen table if I feel like a reject. Actually, I'll probably just go play poker or something and take my anger out on some young asshole who thinks he's God's gift to the poker table.

Anyway, I'm not asking for anyone to hold my hand and make sure I feel included in whatever happens to be going on. I'm a big girl and just need to get over myself and have a good time. Seriously, I'll be in Vegas. If I can't manage to have a good time there, I'm even more screwed up than I thought.

See you in Vegas!

Couldn't Wait?

2008-05-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

I think I may have been a little harsh at the end of that last post. Then again, I wasn't actually serious, well I was serious about the puking part. If you start puking, I'm running in the other direction. You'd think working in a hospital I would become accustomed to things like that but when bodily fluids and vomit start coming out of a person, I leave the room. If I didn't, the patient wouldn't be the only one spilling their guts on the floor.

Now that I've given you a nice visual, how about some bitching about work? As I mentioned before, I work on a per diem basis at the hospital which means I fill in if I'm available. I've been less and less available lately because all my co-workers do is bitch and whine about everything under the sun. I really can't stand to work with any of them and certainly don't want to work for any of them. I mean, they freak out so much about who's going to cover a shift when someone goes on vacation that they felt the need to call me while I was on vacation to ask if I could work two days at the end of June. AT THE END OF FUCKING JUNE, and it was the middle of April. Seriously, this couldn't wait until I got back? I politely told them I would let them know when I got back if I was available and then I waited 2 more weeks to tell them, just to watch them squirm.

As if that wasn't bad enough, when I got back to work after my vacation I arrived to find that the door to our department had a new coded lock on it and no one had bothered to call me with the code. They called me to ask me to work 2 days at the end of fucking June but they couldn't call to tell me the damn code to unlock the door? A lock on a door that hasn't been locked for the past 26 years! Now, all of a sudden we're concerned with patient confidentiality? The only good thing is now I don't have to worry about someone walking in on me while I'm playing on my laptop. I get a nice little warning whenever someone types the code into the key pad and can hide the evidence.

Yes, I take my laptop to work on the weekends, I get bored when it's not busy and what's the worse thing that can happen, I get fired? I'm the only person they have who works the weekend shift and there really is no one else to take my place. My chances of getting fired are slim but it won't stop me from trying. I may have to fire up some poker this weekend. Gambling at work must be against some rule and if not, there is always porn.

Not enough time!

2008-05-03T14:18:00.000-07:00

How the hell did the whole month of April go by without me making one post? It's not like I didn't have stuff going on that I could write about. For example:

I had another birthday.
My great grandmother had her 100th birthday and I went back to Maine to celebrate.
I had a beer shower at a hockey game and no matter what some of you may think, it was not enjoyable.
Speaking of hockey......The Sharks are driving me insane!
I've been trying to catch up on my TiVo but the shows just keep piling up. I think I watch too much TV. Really, aside from BSG, what's the point?

Going back to the beer shower, it may not have been so bad if it had been a decent beer. You know, a Guinness or Sam Adams, but no, it was Bud and I can't stand Bud. I hate the color, the smell, and the taste. The only time I drank one was because it was free, my sinuses were clogged due to allergies so I couldn't smell it, and it was so cold that my taste buds froze so I couldn't actually taste it. Of course I may not have been all that upset about the beer shower if the Sharks had actually won the game!

And last, but not least, I will be in Vegas in June. Once again I will have an extra bed at a secret, off-strip location. I will also have a rental car but, should anyone decide to room with me, please understand, I will not be your personal driver. I will also not help you if you drink so much you puke and if you pass out somewhere, I will leave you there. If I suspect alcohol poisoning I may call an ambulance for you but I will not do CPR if you stop breathing, even if you are good looking and single. If you're rich I may be willing but you'd have to show me a bank statement first. Anyway, if those terms work for you let me know and I will think about it. This is not first come, first serve. I have the right to refuse anyone for any reason or no reason at all. That said, I can be bribed.

Try Again

2008-03-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

My phone interview did not happen yesterday. Apparently the woman who was supposed to call me had to leave the office for some unspecified reason and would not be able to conduct the interview. It has been rescheduled for next Friday since they only do phone interviews on Fridays. For those who are wondering about the interview, it is with Best Friends Animal Society in Utah. They do great things there and I have always wanted to be a part of it. I'm just not sure about the whole moving to the middle of nowhere thing. Plus, I'm not sure they are going to pay enough for me to be able to keep up with my bills and be able to rent a place to live. I've already decided I will probably have to cut out food in order to make ends meet. My dad is convinced they are a cult but he is being as supportive as he can be. I think he is scared I may actually move and leave him alone with my step-mother.

How about a poker update since this is supposed to at least partially be a poker blog? I haven't played any poker in over a month. There is your update!

I am still doing freelance work. One of my clients renewed his contract with me and plans to continue to do so for awhile. He has a lot of work for me. It's boring and tedious but it pays well. I also just got awarded another job so things are definitely looking up. If this can become more regular, I will quit the hospital for good. I just wasn't cut out to work with people I guess.

I am planning to be in Vegas in June so, if you are going, I'll see you then. I'm thinking about hosting a Stanley Cup party at a sportsbook but that isn't set in stone yet. Let's just say if the Sharks are still in it, there will be a party of some kind!

Next Time, Slap Me!

2008-03-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I was thinking last year when I agreed to go back to work at the hospital. I guess it was the money talking or something. I have to give credit to Maura and TxApril for their concern about my decision to go back. Between the two of them they must of asked if I was sure at least 20 times. I replied that, since it was only on the weekends, it would be fine. I thought the drama wouldn't seep into the the weekend shift since I would be by myself but it has and it's even worse when I fill in during the week. Apparently, even though I am per diem, I am taking too many weekends off. I never signed an agreement saying I would work every weekend and I'm not getting paid any extra for working weekends even though there is a program that does pay more for giving up your weekend. So, let's evaluate these vacations.

In December I missed one weekend due to the blogger gathering. There was plenty of notice and no one seemed to mind.

Then I had the chance to go to Australia and I missed 2 weekends. Apparently all my co-workers did while I was gone was bitch about having to work weekends but I doubt if any one of them would have passed up the opportunity I had to do something I have always wanted to do.

My next trip is in a couple of weeks. My great-grandmother is going to be 100 years old and I am NOT going to miss it. I scheduled the trip so I would only miss one weekend even though I usually go back east for at least 2 weeks.

After that is June in Vegas with bloggers. I got a great price on airfare and will probably stay at the secret location again. Plus, I need to see and hang out with all my crazy blogger friends. I feel good about myself when I am around everyone and I just feel refreshed when I leave because I don't have to pretend to be someone else for a few days. The trip is one fucking weekend in June, my co-workers need to get over it.

Now for the kicker, my mom is visiting in July. She wants to go to Disneyland and I've been promising for years to get her there. This summer I am going to do it. She's my mom, she's getting older and she deserves a trip to see Mickey before she gets to old to enjoy it. I may miss one weekend though I haven't completely figured it out yet. I did notify my co-workers though because I'm too fucking nice and figured they wouldn't get angry if they knew far enough in advance. Apparently someone in the department isn't happy as my manager mentioned that if someone else wanted that time off in July, I would probably have to work. Um.....I'm per diem, I'm supposed to be able to say no whenever I want. I guess what per diem really means is that I'm everyone's bitch. I work weekends and whenever they want time off or are sick or need to wash their hair. Seriously, every other department has more than one per diem to fill in, why don't we?

None of this may matter in a few days anyway. I have a phone interview for a job in another state. If the interview goes well I will be spending two weeks at the location on a try-out basis to see if I like the job and area. If I completely fall in love with it, I'm moving the hell out of Dodge. If it turns out to not be for me, I may still leave the hospital. I obviously have no friends in this department and feel I owe them nothing. I've always tried to think of them in the past when planning my life but I give up, I can't please them. Besides, no one should be made to feel guilty about spending time with family whether they are related by blood or the Internet. I've made due without this job before and I can certainly do it again. And please, once I do leave, make sure I never, ever go back....even if it means slapping me upside the head!

Outsourcing = Frustration

2008-03-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm working from home again. Well, let me rephrase that, I'm trying to work from home. I signed up with and created a profile on a couple of different freelance websites. The type of jobs offered are right up my alley and I like that I can pick and choose what I want to work on. Unfortunately, those buying my services make it very difficult to make a living as they will often decline my perfectly reasonable bid to accept the bid of someone in a foreign country who will do the job at a fraction of the price. To say that I get pissed off every time this happens would be an understatement.

Now, I understand the reason for outsourcing to foreign countries, its cheaper and usually the work quality is excellent, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it or like it. Personally I think every US corporation that outsources to another country should be ashamed of themselves. The bottom line should never be more important than the people you employ. Of course a lot of the people who post jobs on these websites aren't big corporations. They are just regular people who need some help so I can't blame them for wanting to go with the cheaper provider. All I ask is that they state in the job description that they don't want to pay a reasonable United States wage. I'll take my services elsewhere and not waste my time or energy.

All that said, I have been offered, and I accepted, two jobs that I have been working on for the past week. One is a tedious, boring job that pays well so I forgive it for being boring. I've already been asked to stay on and complete more work for this client. The other job is performing research and the client was so impressed that she doubled what she was paying me. I'm glad that these people were willing to overlook the cheaper bids and go with mine. I appreciate them giving me this chance to get established. I'm sure I will get more jobs because of them so I will stay the course and keep submitting proposals. Hopefully, I will eventually stop caring so much when a job goes to someone willing to be paid $2 an hour. Then again, is complacency ever a good thing?

Go Play!

2008-03-03T15:58:00.000-08:00

Bodog Poker has been hosting a tournament series every Tuesday night exclusively for poker bloggers. If you haven't played yet, you should! Here are the details:

Bodog's Blogger Poker Tournament Series - Tuesday Nights

Next Tournament: Tuesday March 4, 2008
Start Time: 9:05pm EST

For more information and to register please visit the following link: Poker Blogger Tournament Series

What are you waiting for? Go sign up!

Cough

2008-02-26T22:16:00.001-08:00

The title pretty much sums up my life for the last few weeks. I developed a cough in Australia and it just kept lingering. Last week the coughing started to get bad. Shoot me and put me out of my misery bad. Luckily for me, I work at a hospital and I can be "seen" by a doctor without actually going through the formal check-in and pay a co-pay routine. After a quick listen to my lungs and a summary of my symptoms, I was given a prescription for Antibiotics. He also threw around words like "Atypical Pneumonia" and "Pertussis" but assured me that the drugs would kill any bacteria that may be associated with my coughing. As long as it isn't the Hudson River Virus, I'll probably live. (Bonus points if you get the reference.)

I can say that I do feel somewhat better but the cough still lingers and I still prefer to be in bed most of the day. How that is different from any normal day I don't really know except I haven't even gotten up to watch much TV and those who know me know that I usually watch a lot of TV. Speaking of which, I would like to know what rock the producers of Big Brother 9 looked under to find the current cast. I want to make sure I never come across that rock.....ever!

Now I must go take more cough medicine before I cough up a lung.

Thank You Full Tilt Poker

2008-01-31T23:38:00.000-08:00

I did make it back from Australia and I just want to take a moment to thank Full Tilt Poker for allowing me to fly on their dime. I have always wanted to go to Australia but never really thought it would happen, of course I never saw myself graduating from high school either so maybe I shouldn't be that surprised. It was a great trip and hopefully I will have time to do a write up of some sort and post some pictures. Right now I am just trying to get reaclimated to my life. While I was away, things were good and, now that I'm back, I'm my regular chaotic overwhelmed self. I'm discovering that a change may be in order so I can get back that semblence of sanity I felt in Aussie land. So, something big may be on the horizon.....the planets aligned once and I got to take the trip of a lifetime, maybe, just maybe, they will be aligning again soon for another journey.

Stay tuned....

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie....you know the rest!

2008-01-05T20:10:00.001-08:00

The rumors are true, I am going to Australia on Monday! I gave it careful consideration and decided it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. There was only one problem, I didn't have a passport. After some investigating I found a local travel agency that, for a price, would get me a passport in 24 hours. I also spoke with Maura to see if she wanted to go with me. She is a more seasoned traveler than I and I thought having her along would be helpful as well as a lot of fun. Once she got the okay to take the time off from work things got really hectic. Seriously, try planning a two week stay in a foreign country, when you have no passport, in one week. It's not easy. Text messages and e-mails were flying back and forth for days. We were also communicating with Dawn Summers and Bacon Bikini Mary trying to coordinate some accommodations. Saying it was a stressful week would be an understatement but I am nearly ready to go. Well, except for the packing, copying of all my important documents, getting some cash from the bank, and any other little thing that pops up between now and our flight to LAX.

I am really, really excited and want to thank Al and Full Tilt for making this possible, though mostly Al. He has been the go-between all week, making sure we were all booked on the plane and putting up with some of my general craziness when things were stressful. I really appreciate the opportunity to do something that I never thought I would get to do and I can never thank Al enough!

Bought

2007-12-28T19:01:00.000-08:00

First I would like to thank Mr. Smartass for his comment on which MP3 player to buy, it was soooo helpful.

Seriously, thanks for the advice to everyone who commented. I decided to go with the Sansa View because Best Buy did not have the Zen and I was using a gift card so going to another store was not an option. Besides, I got a 16GB View for the same price as an 8GB Zen.

Once I got it home, the fun began. I had to go to the Sansa web-site to find the manual so I could figure out how to turn it on. I guess math is not the only thing I find challenging. As soon as I was done feeling like an idiot, I started downloading music. This is where the real problem started. I signed up with Rhapsody because I get a month free from Best Buy. Every time I start to transfer music, the site freezes after a few songs. I have to close the site, then reopen it to continue the transfer and then it just freezes again after a few songs. It has taken way longer than it should to get my music downloaded. Has anyone else had this problem? I'm wondering if it is the web-site, my laptop, or the MP3 player? It's just a really big pain in the ass so if anyone has any insight on this problem I would really appreciate it.

So, I have a new addiction. My little MP3 player has been glued to my ear for 24 hours now. It's so nice to listen to music and know I'm going to like each and every song that comes through the headphones. No more scanning radio channels looking for a good song. I have just under 200 songs downloaded already and I'm open to suggestions for more. What's on your MP3 player? Tell me in the comments.

MP3 Help

2007-12-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

I need advice about which non-Apple MP3 player to buy. I am stuck between the SanSa View and the Creative Zen, 8GB versions. Which of the two is better, or am I missing something else? Please do not suggest an iPod as I will not consider it. Thanks in advance.

Poker Hates Me: Trip Report Part One

2007-12-16T17:54:00.000-08:00

Although we arrived in Vegas late Wednesday afternoon, I decided to take it easy and just hang out at the condo that night. I was going to be in Vegas for a week so there would be plenty of time to play poker. I also had decided to heed Otis's advice and play poker during the day, leaving night time to socialize with the bloggers. It was great advice and made perfect sense, unfortunately poker seemed to be pissed off at me and I didn't post a win at any point during the week.

I headed to the MGM at 1pm on Thursday afternoon looking forward to check raising some douchebags in the 2-4 limit game. There was immediate seating and I sat down in the 8 seat with my rack of chips. I was ahead briefly but I couldn't catch any cards and, had I played my junk like everyone else at the table, I would have lost even more. Nothing was hitting. It was a shame too because this British couple showed up and started some serious donking around. They were the only British people not in town for the Hatton fight and were supposed to be on a plane back to England. It turned out there was a 6 hour delay so they decided to take a taxi back to the MGM for a bit more poker. They weren't trying to make a profit and probably went through 4 or 5 buy-ins. The wife was splitting her winnings with the dealers and they definitely made out better than she did. There were so many chips on the table and I couldn't get any of them. Finally it was time to leave and meet up with the parents for dinner. When I left the table, I was down $47.

On Friday I got to the MGM to find that there was only an interest list for 2-4. However, they were seating a 3-6 table and I decided to give it a shot. I was up and down most of the day and we didn't have a full table until almost 5pm. At one point we were playing 4-handed which I actually found to be kind of fun. I also discovered that I was sitting next to a local who knew all about the bloggers. He was actually preparing to meet some of them that evening and I offered to introduce him. Cactus Jack also gave me a few pointers on my play that I will hopefully remember in the future. By the end of the session I was up $50 but still down $3 for the trip. It was the best day I would have as far as poker play for the rest of my stay.

Saturday was the big tournament and I don't really count the entry fee as part of my poker bankroll. It's money saved for this specific purpose and if I happen to win some money, great and if I don't, I don't mind. I got down to the final 3 tables and was very short stacked. I finally found a hand when Rooster raised ahead of me. I knew it was my best chance and I knew he was going to call so I went all-in. My AK did not stand up against his monster 6 10 and I was out somewhere between 25 and 30. Of course Rooster took my chips and went on to win the whole damn thing so at least it wasn't a total loss. If I'm going to lose I want it to be to the person who eventually wins.

Sunday, I played no poker. I was too tired and there was lots of football on (I don't really like football but bloggers were there so I went to hang out).

On Monday I sat down at 3-6 again. It did not go well. I was never ahead of my buy-in and I just couldn't get any cards to help me out. It really, really sucked! After I went broke I had some time to kill before meeting the parents for dinner so I went looking for a lucky penny slot machine. Within minutes I had run my $20 up to $130. Thanks for the tips Grubby!

Tuesday came about and I was determine to take my slot winnings and win big. I left the table with $15. These 3 guys from Boston sat down about halfway through the session and actually knew what they were doing. Apparently they play at Foxwoods all the time. There was a lot of pre-flop raising and they were able to take down a lot of pots. Again, I couldn't get anything though I did have a couple of good plays and, after a few hours, I left with my head down and a tear in my eye (not really but it sounds more pitiful).

So, all in all the poker part of my Vegas trip sucked. I think it was a combination of bad cards and that fact that the MGM refurbished all their poker tables with this ugly brown felt. I think brown is an unlucky color for me, yeah it was the MGM's fault.

Links

2007-12-14T22:03:00.001-08:00

I just went through my blog links on the left and deleted a few. I am going to go through them one more time and delete any that haven't posted in the past 6 months. After that I will be adding some blogs to the list. If you want to be added please leave me a comment or send me an e-mail.

Also, thanks for the "hugs", it meant a lot.

I Need A Hug

2007-12-13T22:04:00.000-08:00

I've been in a funk all day. Most of it was migraine induced but the math final I took while the migraine was raging didn't help, then my final didn't get submitted due to some sort of computer glitch so I have to take it again tomorrow. I also think some of the funk is the post-Vegas blues. Bloggers are affectionate people, they like to hug, and I don't get enough of that in my life. On days like today I just want to curl up in bed with someone's arms around me until the pain goes away. Is that really too much to ask?

Home

2007-12-12T21:14:00.000-08:00

I am finally home from Vegas and I have appeared to have grown a new appendage. My cat, Punkin, has not left my side since I walked into the house. When we walked in the door she started crying to let us know that she was happy to have us back and to tell us that we can never leave her again. She hasn't let me leave her sight and has even escorted me to the bathroom. While it is nice to be missed, I'm seriously considering drugging her food so I can have a few minutes of peace.

I suppose I should write up some sort of trip report. I have a great title, I just need to get a few things done here at home before I can write up my thoughts about the trip. A huge thank you to Falstaff for planning a great event and to the Venetian for putting up with us.

Contemplation

2007-12-09T20:58:00.000-08:00

I've had a great time with the bloggers these last few days. Spending time with people who don't expect me to be anything other than what I am has been very peaceful. Since I haven't had to pretend to be someone else my head has been clear and I've had time to think about the state of my social life. While I'm okay with my life in San Jose, I'm certainly not content and definitely not as happy as I would like to be. What I need is someone who can give me their undivided attention without smothering me. Someone who "gets" me completely and can be there in the dark times as well as the light times. Unfortunately, romantic relationships scare me. I like unrequited romance but, if the object of my affection starts to return the feelings, if I start getting what I want, I have a panic attack and run in the opposite direction. Of course if I can find someone who "gets" me, maybe they can keep me from running.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts floating through my head that I felt like sharing. I want to thank everyone who mentioned to me over the last few days that they still read my blog. I was starting to think I had lost all my readers, and I certainly wouldn't blame you, so it was nice to know that I am missed when I don't write.

Arrived

2007-12-05T20:35:00.000-08:00

We landed in Vegas around 4:30pm, a little later than scheduled but it was an uneventful flight so I'm okay with the late landing. The condo however, is fucking awesome, as always. The best part though is the location of my room. Normally the smaller room is in the front and you can hear everyone coming back to their rooms at night but this section of the building is all enclosed, like a hotel and my room is in the back. I also have a great view of the huge pool area and my own bathroom so I'm happy.

Tomorrow I'm hitting the strip and probably a poker room by the name of the MGM. I need to get in some practice before the big tournament on Saturday then I'll head over to the IP and see if I can get my drink on. Until then, safe flights to you all!

Almost

2007-12-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

It's almost time for Vegas and I can't wait to get there. I miss all the bloggers and haven't played much poker in months. I should be landing in Vegas around 4pm on Wednesday and have until the following Wednesday to have as much fun as humanly possible.

This is also a birthday celebration for my dad, he turned the big 55 yesterday. He is now old enough to qualify for those active senior citizen apartment complexes. If you meet him this week make sure you say happy birthday and feel free to buy him a bourbon or take him to a strip club, he would be very appreciative. As for my step-mother, you have my permission to mess with her if you wish, she gets confused easily.

My cell phone number is on the massive spreadsheet so feel free to give me a call or send me a text if you want to get together in Vegas or just want to make sure I am still alive.

See you all soon!

Short Notice

2007-11-27T21:43:00.000-08:00

I just found out today that Shelly will not be going to Vegas for the blogger gathering. What this means is I have a free bed available at the beautiful resort I am staying at. Yes, I said free. Not only is there a twin bed available but there is a full kitchen that can be used to save some money instead of eating out all the time. The resort has a huge pool area, a game room, and a free shuttle to the strip. On top of that, I will have access to a rental car.

Now for the downside, my dad and step mom will also be there. They will have their own room and a different schedule but will still be around. My dad is cool, my step mom is easy to ignore.

If anyone wants to save some money and stay at this fabulous resort during the blogger gathering, please send me an e-mail at April9807 AT AOL DOT com. We will be there from December 5 through December 12 and can accommodate someone for any of those nights.

CLARIFICATION: I want to clear something up that may be confusing. When I say my parents have their own room I mean they have their own bedroom within the condo. The layout is a master bedroom/bath where my parents will be, a room with 2 twin beds next to another bathroom, and a Murphy bed in the living room area (would be loud during daylight hours while my parents are up getting breakfast and stuff). The extra twin bed and Murphy bed are available. I don't snore but earplugs would be a good idea as my step mom doesn't know how to whisper and her voice can carry. If this still sounds like a good option, send me an e-mail.

Never

2007-11-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

Never ride to Thanksgiving dinner in my brother's 1968 Camaro. Not only will you exit the car and realize that car exhaust fumes have permeated every pore in your body, you will also lose part of your hearing and wake up the next day with serious back pain. His car is really more for racing and not so much for road trips.

I will be in Vegas for the December round-up of bloggers. I am looking forward to it even though I will have to take 2 finals while I am there. My parents (dad and step-mom) will also be there though I don't know that they will be at any of the blogger festivities. We are staying for a week so it's a vacation for all of us.

Lastly, Wil is appearing on tonight's episode of Numb3rs. Show him some support and tune in, CBS 10pm (9pm central).

Recognized

2007-09-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sure at least one poker blogger has posted about this already but I'm way behind on my reading. Plus, it gives me something to blog about and it involves poker.

Professional poker player Jean-Robert Ballande is a contestant on this season of Survivor. I had no idea until I tuned in earlier this evening and heard Jeff Probst introduce a professional poker player. I looked up at the screen and there he was. At that moment I knew who I was going to be rooting for this season, though it would be easier for me if he would keep his shirt on. He does not have a body like James.

Jean-Robert's poker skills should put him at an advantage. Survivor and poker really aren't that different. They both take skill, with a little bit of luck thrown in, for a person to be successful. He needs to observe his opponents, find their weaknesses, and strike at the appropriate time. If he can do this, he might stand a chance.

Resonate

2007-09-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is one of those really serious, personal posts.

I'm reading a book called The Dogs of Babel and, last night, a couple of paragraphs really resonated with me. The book opens with a man finding out that his wife has died. The police believe it was an accident but it may very well have been suicide. As the husband explores his past with his wife he relives conversations where she reveals her inner demons, her past suicide attempt. She refers to suicide as a moment. There is this brief window of opportunity when it seems like the right time, a moment when nothing else matters but, if that opportunity isn't taken advantage of immediately, thoughts start creeping in. How hurt will family and friends be? Could I end up in a vegetative state instead? What if I jump and land on someone or land in front of a child who ends up traumatized for life? Once those thoughts start, the moment is gone.

This is the first time I've ever read anything that put my experience into words that made perfect sense. Throughout high school, as my depression was setting in, my life was made up of these moments. I never knew when one was going to strike but it was always fleeting, only seconds really, then I'd think about how hurt my grandmother would be or how I'd probably screw up and end up on a respirator for the rest of my life. The depression would still be there but the moment would be gone. As I got older, the moments stopped coming as often and, now, the medication, and my own self-awareness, keeps them at bay. The last moment was a split second in length and I can't even remember when it was. That is a big step.

Something Right

2007-09-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

You know you are doing something right when the chip leader in a $10 SNG calls you an idiot. Actually the direct quote was "ur an idiot". Later she got upset when I called her re-raise with my bottom pair. We were heads-up and I knew there was a good chance that bottom pair was good. Turns out she also had bottom pair with a much worse kicker. Let's see, I'm guaranteed at least second place money and I hit bottom pair, heads-up.....I think gambling was the right choice in that situation, plus, it put my opponent on tilt. Anyone want to chime in with their thoughts?

Here's a bit more information: I had the chip lead. I had a fairly good read on her. When it got down to 3 players she was playing almost every hand and when it was the 2 of us, she didn't fold anything pre-flop. When she re-raised, it felt like a bluff and if I was wrong, I still would have had a playable stack but not the chip lead.

BTW, I won the tournament!

Official Damper

2007-08-24T00:07:00.001-07:00

I am a real employee again, sort of. I was contacted about a secret shopper job but this job isn't as an independent contractor. Instead, I am working directly for the company and receiving a real paycheck with taxes taken out and everything. I spent a day in paid training and have about another 2 weeks before I am "certified" but I get paid for every minute of training and that pay goes up once I'm done with the formalities. I'll only be getting about 10 hours a week but it's better than nothing. Plus, they pay on a normal pay schedule, unlike most secret shopping companies that make you wait 30 to 60 days for the money.

As for school, my dad went into jackass mode and put a damper on my plans. Just once I'd like for him to say, "Hey, that sounds like a good idea." or "I'm proud of you for making this decision." Instead he has to pick it apart and tell me what he thinks I should be doing. No wonder I'm always depressed. I will give him some credit though as he has a higher opinion of my abilities than I do, it's his delivery of the information that sucks.

Well, it's late and I was up at an ungodly hour this morning for my 8 hours of training so I am off to sleep.

Again

2007-08-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

I just got accepted at the local Community College, again. Every couple of years I go back with the intention of getting a Certificate or another Associates Degree but I usually stop just short of the final goal. Usually it's a realization that, while I enjoyed the classes, the actual application of knowledge is boring as hell. In other words, the career sounds good in theory but in reality, not so much. So far I've been through the Paralegal program and the Medical Transcription/Billing programs. Now I'm going for Business Management.

What it really boils down to is I have lots of skills but no framework. I should be managing a department in some corporation by now instead of taking jobs as a lowly peon. And, while I may not completely enjoy the grind of a "real" job, I know that I can be really good at anything I set my mind to. So why Business Management? Like I said, I have the practical skills, now I just need the principles to go with them.

The next thing I need to do is find a part time job before classes start. I plan on taking online classes so my schedule should remain flexible for the time being and, although I enjoy Secret Shopping, it's not exactly paying me on a regular basis. Yes, I'm getting by but I need something a little more solid for a few hours a week. In case you haven't guessed, I did not take the low paying job I mentioned in my last post and, right after I submitted my application to be rehired at the hospital, they instituted a hiring freeze. With those options gone I've been trying to figure out what I want to do and today is when this whole Business Management plan hit me. I can't guarantee it's going to work out but at least its something.

What to do???

2007-07-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, the job I left the hospital for, the one at the Internet start-up, failed at the end of May. Since then I have been doing Customer Service Evaluations (fancy name for Secret Shopping). I'm having a lot of fun but the money comes in really slowly and I'm barely getting my bills paid. Today I had an interview for a job I would really, really enjoy. As a matter of fact, the job is mine if I want it. Problem is, it is way below my pay and skill level. I would have to continue the secret shopping but I really enjoy that so I'm okay with it.

The other option is to go back to the hospital and work primarily on weekends. I would make at least twice the money I am being offered at the "low pay" job and still have most of the week available to do the shopping gig. Problem is, it is the job I spent 5 years trying to leave due to an employee I don't get along with. If I took this job I would hardly ever work with her but her essence is always there and just thinking about being in the same building as her, even if our paths never cross, stresses me out.

Then there is the new, brick and mortar start-up, that my boss from the failed start-up is working at. This one has a much better chance of making it and the salary would probably be more than I have ever made at any job in the past. It would be new and interesting but also a lot of hard work. I would also be able to stop paying COBRA for my medical which would free up even more money. It will be at least another month or two until I would be hired so I still need to do something more substantial for income but I wouldn't want to accept "low pay" job and then turn around and leave them in a couple of months. They made it clear that they want me around for a while if I accept the job. I could go back to the hospital and leave in a couple of months as they are only hiring me per Diem anyway. Plus, I'm not really looking to go back there permanently but that doesn't seem quite right to me either. I'm not sure what to do at this point.

I don't know if the decision would be that difficult for most people. Either take the job that pays the most or take the one that is the most fun unless you can find one that is both fun and pays well, then take that one. For me, I have to also figure out which is going to be most conducive to my depression. Which choice won't make it worse. I deal with depression every day and never know how anything is going to affect me until I'm right in the middle of it. The job that I would enjoy the most may not be challenging enough but the one that pays the most may be a lot of hard work and too challenging. Both scenarios could make the depression worse. I won't know until I pick one. My only chance is if my brain suddenly clears and I have an epiphany. It happens, but not very often. I really don't know what to do.

So, anyone got an opinion to share or some words of wisdom? Any and all advice will be much appreciated.

What I Want

2007-07-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been ages since I've written anything. I don't even know if anyone actually reads this anymore but there is a reason I haven't been writing. Like my twin, I got caunght up in what I thought this blog should be and not what I wanted it to be. I never promised this blog would be entirely about poker and I never promised it would always be a nice happy blog. Truth is, I started feeling like I couldn't write about what I wanted to write about. I felt like I needed to please others instead of myself. It's the story of my life really, but that's another post for another day.

Back in December, I had a conversation that left me feeling like I couldn't write about the deep, dark stuff anymore. Basically this person said that some of my posts seemed a little too personal and dark and that maybe I didn't need to publish everything I wrote. So, I stopped writing about the things I wanted to write about and eventually stopped writing almost completely. The dark stuff is part of me and this blog is my way to vent. If I can't vent about the bad parts of my life, then what's the point?

The thing is, this is my blog and I need to be able to write whatever I want without worrying how others are going to react. So, here's the deal, if you start reading something and it turns you off, stop reading it. If you read something and it worries you, send me an e-mail, IM me, or give me a call. I'll either reassure you or cry on your shoulder but I'm not going to sugarcoat my life just because it may make some people uncomfortable.

Does this mean I'm going to write more often? I have no idea but when I do write, it's going to be about whatever is on my mind, good, bad, or ugly.

I'd Forgotten

2007-06-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

I played on-line poker today for the first time in over a month. It didn't take me long to remember that I suck at poker. By the time I was done I had lost most of my buy-in. I can't really blame anyone but myself, except on that one hand where that damn calling station caught his card on the river. I played hands I don't normally play. I stayed in hands when I knew I should have folded. I played like a fucking donkey! It really sucked but it was free money.

Luckily, when I was in Austin last month, I played some okay poker. My Twin had a graduation party and, of course, there was some poker played. It was a $20 buy-in and I left with triple that. There was one hand I wish I could remember better but I had to make a decision for almost all of my chips. Was he bluffing? Was my 2 pair good? I finally said "I'll probably regret this" and pushed my chips in. I flipped up my cards and my opponent said "Re-buy". From there I just played my good hands and had fun. I think that was what was missing earlier today....the fun.

Since I have a little bit of money in my online account, I'll probably play some more over the weekend. Feel free to stop in and say hi if you see my at a table.

Check out Poker Letter!

What's in a name?

2007-05-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I love reality shows. You name it and I've probably watched it so it was pretty obvious that I would be checking out Mark Burnett's newest offering "Pirate Master". I'm not going to get into how this show works as it's slightly complicated and I'll need to see another episode too really get it down. What I actually wanted to mention is one of my favorite parts of reality TV, the part where they flash the competitors name with thier job listed underneath.

I've seen some great job descriptions while watching these shows and I especially like the ones that you know are code for something that may be considered "less than optimal". Take for instance "VIP Hostess" and picture a tall blond with big boobs. In other words, she's probably a stripper. There are a million others I've seen over the years but the one I saw tonight on Pirate Master may just take the cake. One competitor, John, is a "Scientist/Exotic Dancer". What the hell? First of all, I saw him shirtless, I wasn't impressed....he was muscular but didn't have the "it" factor that makes a good exotic dancer. Second, I'd love to know what kind of science he is involved in. Something tells me it may include mixing drinks with "roofies" to get women in bed (provided he isn't gay like those Thunder From Down Under men). I heard him speak, there is no way he practices any kind of science that requires a brain (though he did know that Crocodiles like to hang out under Mangrove Trees).

Anyway, all above is said entirely in jest, I mean no offense to John, unless he doesn't know what offense means. I'm sure he is very good at which ever profession is actually paying his bills. So my question to my readers is this, what is the best job description you've ever seen on a reality TV show? Please share in the comments section.

When It Rains

2007-05-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

Last week was about the shittiest week I've had in years. First, the Sharks got knocked out of the playoffs. Second, the best cat I've ever owned passed away (no offense Punkin, you are my second favorite). Third, I found out the job I left my secure job at the hospital for, will only be able to pay me through the end of the month. Fourth, I have a cold sore the size of a dime on my lip. Seriously, if you've had a worse week lately, I'd like to hear about it.

Being faced with unemployment sucks but I've been there before. Usually it's by my choice but getting a new job usually isn't that difficult for me. I've got skills that can be used in almost any industry. The biggest problem is that I love working from home and there are very few legitimate options out there that would allow me to continue. I'm not really sure what type of job I would take that would be outside of the home. I really don't want to go back to sitting in a cubicle and I'm tired of health care. Hopefully I'll figure it out before I get really strapped for cash. I've already canceled Vegas in June to give myself a bit more time and I don't even want to go into how much that sucks!

The only good thing right now is that on Thursday I'm flying to Austin to hang out with my twin. In case you haven't heard, she is graduating from college. I can't wait to get away from the crap for a few days. Maybe I won't come back (trust me, the heat will drive me back to the Bay area, no offense April).

So, here is too a better week and an awesome end to the month of May. Wish me luck!

Good-bye Ricci

2007-05-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ricci was named after my favorite hockey player, Mike Ricci. When Ricci moved in he was 12 pounds and looked emaciated, he soon grew to 18 pounds of pure fat. He was the most adorable cat ever. He had a look that would convince you that there wasn't much going on in that brain of his yet I always felt he was the smartest creature in the house. He got along with everyone and would purr at the slightest bit of attention. He slept with me every night and became my big snuggle-bear. He was my baby.

My baby passed away at 3:30 Tuesday morning. He was at home with me and my other baby Punkin, and went peacefully but I gotta say, it really fucking sucks. He was the most handsome cat I've ever seen and I'm going to miss him.

No Title Because I Can't Think Of One

2007-04-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

I care way too much about what others think about me. I always have and probably always will. And, not just people I know, but I care about what complete strangers think about me as well. Though I have discovered there is one exception to this, when I am at a poker table I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. As long as they are strangers that is. Do I want to be liked? Sure, who doesn't but at the poker table I don't feel as if it is as necessary. I mean, I'm never going to play the way every person at the table wants me too. I've got my style and they have theirs. If I am off my game, I shouldn't be at the table and if I care what the table is thinking about me, I'm definitely not going to be on my game. So, when I sit down at the table, I am basically saying "Fuck it" and it tends to work.

I haven't always been this way at the poker table. The first time I sat down at that table at Excalibur, I was scared to death I was going to do something stupid and someone was going to criticize me for it. I got to the point where I was off my game every time I sat down and, last June, it all came to a head.

Last June, while I was in Las Vegas with the bloggers, I couldn't win money to save my life. I was so off my game that I actually fell into a slight depression and spent part of my last night alone in the room watching cable while my friends were burning up the Craps table. I was having fun at the poker table but I just couldn't win because I was concentrating too much on making friends with complete strangers (non-bloggers, I always want to make friends with bloggers). I needed to find a balance, friendly but still playing my game. I knew I could do it but I wasn't sure how.

In December at the blogger event, it all clicked. I played less poker and it worked out much better. I think there was only one session where I left the table down and I wasn't down enough to worry about. I was friendly but not distracted. I paid more attention to how the other people were playing and less attention what they might think if I played a certain hand. I didn't play much poker before the Blogger tournament but the lesson I had learned carried over.

Usually when I play a blogger game I am even more off than with strangers. See, I am friends with many of these people and I get so afraid of what they might say about my game that I can't play the way I want to. Every move takes more thought than usual because I'm not only thinking about how to play the hand but I'm thinking about what everyone at the table will think if I play it incorrectly. In December, when I sat down at the blogger tournament, I discovered that most of the others at my table were bloggers I had never met. They didn't know me, I didn't know them, we were strangers. I played my game and didn't care if anyone at the table liked me or not. This prepared me for the later stages of the tournament when I was sitting with more familiar faces. I kept my game going and managed a nerve racking 7th place finish.

I'm sure the next time I sit down with bloggers I'll slip a bit, especially if they are bloggers whose games I really respect but I can sit down with a table of strangers with no problem as I did just 2 weeks ago when I was in Reno for my birthday. I played my game, my way and left Reno up for the weekend. I felt good the entire time I was at the table, though the drinks could have had something to do with that as they were strong for free casino drinks, and I was very proud of myself for reaching this place in my game. Now if I could just carry it over into the rest of my life......

Vegas on my mind

2007-04-22T22:55:00.000-07:00

I bought a plane ticket to Vegas for the next blogger gathering. I got an awesome deal from Southwest and had to take it. Unfortunately it looks like I'll be sleeping in the streets since no one seems to want to room with me and I can't afford the cost of a room by myself. Maybe I can get a cheap car rental and sleep in it. The offer is still open. Anyone who wants to split the cost of a room, let me know. I'll even consider those of you I think are creepy (if you have to ask, it's probably you). Seriously, I can provide references if needed, just ask Max.

Max says, "April is the bestest person I know!"

Roommate Needed

2007-04-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard there is a little trip to Vegas coming up soon. Falstaff has a block of rooms at the Orleans set aside and I need a roommate to split the cost with. Here is the important information straight from PokerStage:

The room block is ready for booking at The Orleans. For those who have forgotten, the rates are as follows -
Wednesday Night - $60
Thursday Night - $60
Friday Night - $110
Saturday Night - $110
Sunday Night - $65
There are 50 rooms held at those rates, plus the million dollars in taxes and other fees that come with. The room block will vanish in three weeks, so don't dick around!Call 1-800-675-3267 for reservations. Make sure you tell them this is for the World Poker Blogger Tour, June 6-10.

Also, if you're coming, please email me, so I can start compiling a contact list of everybody that will be there. Let me know your Real name (if you want), blogger name, dates of arrival and departure, where you're staying, and contact info (if you want people to have it). This list will be distributed to everyone who's coming, so if you don't want your cell phone number bandied about, tell me.

So, if you are interested in sharing the cost for any of those nights please send me an e-mail at April9807 AT aol DOT com. As long as I've met you and didn't think you were creepy, I'm willing to room with you.

Also, everyone's favorite drunken hippie has arranged for a couple of bracelet races to send some people to that big tournament that will be going on in June. One tournament is for bloggers only while the other if for anyone. If you are interested, here are the details:

Tournament name:
Blogger Bracelet Race
When: Sunday, April 29th, 7pm ET
Game: NLHE DeepstackBuyin: $24+2 or token
Password: email blogger_wsop@yahoo.com with blog URL for password

Tournament name: Chasers/Blogger Bracelet Race
When: Sunday, May 13th, 7pm ET
Game: NLHE Deepstack
Buyin: $24+2 or token
Password: riverchasers

Mom News

2007-04-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

On the morning of Friday the 13th, while on her way to work, my mom had a little accident.

She is fine (She'll be very sore and bruised) but the car is totalled. It took 3 guys to get her out of the car as it came to rest on the passenger side after rolling over. It shouldn't even be snowing in Maine anymore, it's April for crying out loud! Since she made it out alive the part that pisses her off most is that she had just made her last car payment 3 weeks ago. She was also pissed that a member of our extended family drove by, recognized her and immediately called my Aunt Roberta, who called my Aunt Cindy, who I'm sure called my grandmother. I told mom that if she didn't want the family to find out, she should have had the accident a little further from home....she didn't seem to find that idea as amusing as I did!

Warren Strelow Passes

2007-04-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

Most people don't know who Warren Strelow was but to a number of NHL goalies, he was a mentor like no other. He not only coached the San Jose Sharks net-minders in recent years, he coached the goalies on the 1980 "Miracle on Ice" Olympic team. He was also the goalie coach in the 2002 Olympics where the US won the silver and he was inducted into the hockey Hall of Fame in 2004. Warren Strelow died early this morning at the age of 73 following a series of illnesses. He will be missed by many and my thoughts are with his family.

For more on the story: San Jose Sharks Organization Mourns the Passing of Goaltending Coach Warren Strelow

Update: And more on Strelow. With quotes from within the Sharks Organization.

It's Not Right!!!

2007-04-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

I knew Phil Gordon was getting married and I had resigned myself to that fact but why, oh why, did they have to pick my birthday as the day they exchange vows? That is just not right! Should anyone want to join me in a pity party on that day, I'll be in Reno getting shitfaced. Feel free to join me and offer up your sympathies.

That is all, nothing more to see here.

I Shouldn't Be Typing

2007-03-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a Cortisone shot in the base of my left thumb. I doubt typing is on the list of recommended activities but this is what I do for my readers, if I actually have any left. My job has been incredibly busy. When I imagined myself working from home I pictured myself blogging every day, staying current with the Tivo, and just being able to relax whenever I felt like it. Instead, I work from sun up to sun down, 7 days a week. If I hated my job this would be a problem but I actually love this job and want this company to be successful. If it means rearranging the picture I had in my head, so be it.

Probably the worst part of working from home is the amount of time I am inactive. I've put on the weight I lost and added a few more pounds. It's not something I'm proud of but I really should have expected it. At the hospital I was on my feet all day, now I sit on my ass all day. It's not exactly conducive to maintaining my slightly overweight frame and definitely not going to help me to lose weight. So, I have been trying to get up off my ass and start walking. Since I'm not a big fan of sunlight this hasn't worked all that well but, I'm trying and every little bit helps.

Actually I did lose some weight last weekend. My dad, stepmom and I all went to get our hair cut. Mine hadn't been cut since last June so it was desperately needed. We went to this little hole in the wall where the price range is $8 and up. Kind of an Asian Supercuts. I sat in the chair and the little Asian lady started doing her thing. At one point she stopped and asked if it was short enough. I made the mistake of saying no. Next thing I knew I had the shortest haircut I have ever had. With the curl it falls just to the bottom of my ears. I spent most of the week reaching back to take my hair out of the ponytail that didn't exist. Luckily, once I got over the shock, I realized I like the cut. Not bad for $10.

One last thing before my hand gives out. I played in one of the Full Tilt PPA freerolls on Friday. These were set up as part of a promotion to get people to join the PPA and the top 18 got a custom Full Tilt Jersey. I didn't realize how much I wanted the damn thing until I got so close I could feel the jersey on my skin. So what do I do? I go out in 27th place, 9 fucking places from the prize. If it hadn't been for a couple of really good suckouts, I would have been out a lot earlier and probably wouldn't have been as pissed about missing the damn jersey by 9 fucking places. As all the pros say...."That's poker!"

The First Couple of Poker

2007-03-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

When it comes to professional poker players my dad is almost completely clueless. He knows a few names and even fewer faces but wanted to go with me to Bay 101 and check things out. Yesterday was a bit disappointing for him because Shannon Elizabeth didn't show up. I tried to make up for it by pointing out Liz Lieu, Cyndy Violette and Vanessa Ruosso. Today he was looking forward to seeing Jennifer Tilly and Phil Laak.

Jennifer and Phil both had bounties on their heads so they were at different tables. Since my dad couldn't get a good view of Jennifer I made sure to point out Isabelle Mercier and Evelyn Ng who were both in his view range. After player introductions we ate lunch at the Deli and by the time we finished both Jennifer and Phil had been eliminated from the tournament. I figured they would be long gone so I was pleasantly surprised to find them signing autographs and taking photos with anyone who asked. They were very gracious, signing for at least a half an hour, and didn't seem to care that they were both out of the tournament. My dad didn't get their autographs (I did!) but he did comment on how cool it was that they would do that. Especially since other players couldn't get out of there fast enough when they got beat. So I have now dubbed them the first couple of poker for their graciousness to their fans.

I didn't stay very long at the tournament today as I wasn't feeling very good. I don't know how they decide who to put bounties on though. Johnny Chan, Dan Harrington, and Ted Forrest were all there but not considered "stars" this year. How do you not make Johnny Chan a "shooting star"? Maybe it's better this way. Last I checked he was still in the tournament while a lot of the bounty players were gone.

"He looks like a little weasel!"

2007-03-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

When I arrived at Bay 101 the action had already started. My dad came with me for the first couple of hours so I was showing him around, trying to figure out which "star" was at which table. I soon ran into the Poker Shrink and got some information. Shannon Elizabeth was a no show, much to my dad's dismay, but Liz Lieu had been asked to take her place as a "star". I'll let the guys decide if that is an upgrade or not. Also a no show was James Woods although his name was still on the schedule for today. Hellmuth had yet to arrive but that didn't surprise me. I should have asked the Shrink what the over/under was on his arrival.

My dad really doesn't know what any of the pros look like with one exception. He watched Rob and Amber's Vegas reality show so he had seen Daniel Negraneau a few times. Daniel was wearing an Owen Nolan Sharks Jersey and, when I pointed him out, my dad came up with the brilliant line that is the title of this post. Score one for dad.

Dad and I ate lunch in the Deli and, shortly after the first break I had to take him back to work. When I returned to Bay 101 about 20 minutes later, Hellmuth was still not there. I managed to find a nice place to stand and had a great view of a table that featured Kenna James, Doug Le, and Tuan Le. Tuan went all-in a couple of times and managed to double up each time. Then, about 3 hours and 13 minutes after the star, Phil Hellmuth showed up. He was at the table just to the right of the one I was watching. You would think that, since he was so late, he would be interested in doubling up soon, instead he wandered around and chatted it up with some of the other pros.

Last year, about 4 hours into the tournament they had already lost about 8 shooting stars. This year, the first didn't get knocked out until after Phil arrived. That lucky star was none other than Kathy Liebert. Shortly after Hoyt Corkins, Vanessa Ruosso, and Eli Elizra were knocked out. At that point the second break was upon us and I decided to head home. Still in when I left were: Tuan Le, Kenna James, David Williams, Gavin Smith, Cyndy Violette, J.C. Tran, Liz Lieu, Daniel Negraneau, Scotty Nguyen, Chad Brown, Freddy Deeb, Josh Arieh, Allen Cunningham, Hellmuth, John Hennigan, Nam Le, Tom McEvoy, and Robert Williamson.

I'll be back tomorrow for day two.

EDIT: I was just checking out Cardplayer to see who was knocked out since I left and noticed that Kathy Liebert is still listed on the leaderboard. I repeat....She was the first "Star" knocked out, she is no longer in the tournament despite what Cardplayer is saying. I had way less access than they do and I knew she was out, get with it Cardplayer!

I also just went back and read through some of Cardplayer's coverage, not only do they not have Kathy Liebert listed as being out but they have John Hennigan listed as being the first "star" knocked out. I can assure you that when I left at 3:45pm he was still playing, I had a good view of the back of his head.

Mixed Post

2007-03-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

Poker
Today I played in the BloggerPod tournament. I finished in 44th. I was kicked in the junk by a donkey who's best, and only, move was all-in. As I said to Waffles upon exiting, I tried. Stupid turn card.

Tomorrow is the start of the Bay 101 Shooting Star tournament. This is the WPT stop where the "Pro's" have bounties on their heads. Day 1 may be the most interesting with Hellmuth and Matusow playing. Day one also features Daniel "would you like some cheese with that whine?" Negreanu, James Woods, Shannon Elizabeth, and Kathy Liebert. If anything interesting happens I'll definitely post it.

Hockey
The Sharks are winning again and I'm looking forward to the playoffs. That is all I'll say on that subject as I don't want to offend the great and powerful Hockey gods.

The Amazing Race All-Stars (SPOILER)
I seriously don't know if I will continue to watch or not. I know a lot of people are sick of Rob and Amber but I like them. Without them I think the show will get boring fast and I really don't have a favorite now. Oh and Rob, I think you need to invest in some spelling lessons. It's Philippines not Philippeans.

That's all I got for tonight. My brain actually shut off in the middle so I'm surprised I got that out. I will have a report from the Shooting Star though so look for that tomorrow.

What The Frack!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I just got done watching Battlestar Galactica and I'm in total and complete shock!!!!! If you don't watch you can skip this post and if you do watch and haven't watched yet....What the fuck are you waiting for??? I won't ruin it for the Tivo crowd but have I said "What the fuck" yet? I realize there is probably more going on then meets the eye (Cylon anyone?) but right now I can't believe it! Even as it was happening I didn't think it was happening. After the credits rolled I expected someone to come on the screen and say, "Ha, ha, early April Fool's". Hell, the TV is off and I'm expecting it to come on my screen.

What are the writers thinking????

A Little Bit of Everything

2007-03-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

Poker
I didn't play much poker in February. I thought that since I was working from home I would have more time for poker but, the truth is, I have less. Or maybe I'm just bored and need a break from the game. I made the decision at the end of January to stop playing above my limits (I know I should have been doing that all along) and I've been sticking to it. The 25 cent tables are boring as hell. As for $1.25 sit-n-go's, well, they are all-in crapshoots. I usually just sit and wait for good cards and can get in the top four. Of course, top 3 pays so I've bubbled a few times and taken third a lot. I have yet to win because I suck at heads up. But, with my bankroll, I have no business playing at higher levels.

And, I'm registered. Are you?

Mac poker online

Bay 101 Shooting Star
It's almost time for the WPT's stop in the Bay Area. The week of March 12th all the big names will be in town with bounties on their heads. I'll be making the 5 minute trek to the card club to check out the action and I'll be back here with my take on the action. If anyone who reads this blog is going to be in town covering the action, drop be an e-mail. I'm available for airport runs, food runs, and late night whatever. I know a couple pubs we can hit up or, if time permits, the Sharks have 2 home games that week and I can most likely get tickets.

Television
I'm still majorly addicted to TV. Heroes has renewed my faith in quality TV and I'm not sure what I watched before Battlestar Galatica but it couldn't have been nearly as good. I've also got a new guilty pleasure, Men in Trees. There are some hot men in Alaska, McDreamy better watch his back!

My Knee
It was doing really well until last night when I smacked it against the desk in the one spot that hadn't healed yet. I almost passed out from the pain and probably set my full recovery back another month.

Blogging
I also had the silly notion that working from home would give me more time to blog. Guess we know how that is going! I'll keep trying though. I have a lot to say and you're going to get to hear it whether you want to or not, so stay tuned!

Shameless Plug
Visit Bodog Poker

New Look

2007-02-19T23:20:00.000-08:00

For those reading through bloglines, the blog has a new look. Take a peek and let me know what you think. The next step is to update the blog links. If you want to be added, leave me a comment or send me an e-mail. Unless your blog sucks more than mine, I'll give you a link.

One thing I realized tonight about my new car. It is the exact same car that Hiro and Ando rented on Heroes. Same color, same interior. I wonder if that was in my subconscious when I went to buy it?

My New Toy

2007-02-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

This is my brand new, fresh off the truck, 2007 Nissan Versa. If it is possible to be in love with a car, I'm head over heels! Only difference is I have the lighter colored interior.

In The Quiet

2007-02-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

Everyone is sleeping except me and my cat Ricci who is scratching at a flea that had the nerve to interrupt his midnight nap, which will be followed by his 1am nap, then the 2am nap and so on. I can hear the fan inside my laptop, the freezer humming nearby and, finally, what sounds like the Light Rail horn in the distance. Occasionally a car drives by but the street is never very busy inside the mobile home park. I think the new neighbors are vacuuming. Who the hell vacuums at midnight? Especially young single guys in their bachelor pad. Maybe there is a special visitor coming soon and they don't want anyone to know that they are slobs. Of course one of them could be obsessive compulsive but, since they finally stopped, I don't really care.

Ricci has now decided that he needs to bathe before going back to sleep. He's pretty fat so he only cleans a small area then continues with his nap. Punkin is pretending to be asleep nearby. She knows I'll be going to bed soon and she doesn't want to miss out on annoying me as I try to fall asleep.

The vacuuming is still going on next door. I guess he just moved to another room. I hate to tell him but, unless they replaced the carpet since the previous owner, he should just give it up. She had sloppiness down to an art form. It took a month for workers to make that place inhabitable and I don't remember seeing new carpet going in. Supposedly, she had money but she certainly didn't live like it.

I've been sitting in this chair too long, my ass is getting sore. But, the quiet is kind of nice and I feel like, if I move, it will all go away. Then again, I'm getting tired of that fucking vacuum cleaner interrupting my thoughts. I'll probably be hearing it in my dreams when I finally go to sleep which I think I'll do now.

My Last Day

2007-02-01T06:27:00.000-08:00

It's my last day at the hospital and I am going to attempt to live blog it. What are they going to do, fire me?

5:51am - pulled into parking lot, 9 minutes early. That's 9 more minutes I could have slept.

5:55am - finally get out of car. See Miguel smoking in the parking garage. I've been here 5 years and that's the first time I've seen him smoke. Shows how much I pay attention to co-workers.

5:56am - punch in. I think this means I can leave 5 minutes early.

6:00am - turn pager on and officially open for business. Check box for morning EKG's and find it empty. Uh oh, this could be bad. It could be a sign of a busy day. Murphy's law, morning starts slow and by the end of the day you are pulling your hair out because of the craziness.

6:01am - pray to the gods that it is a quiet day!

6:10am - Go to ER to gather the EKG's that were done the night before. Damn, they were busy.

6:15am- back to department to catch up on paperwork. Check box, still no EKG's. Send up another silent prayer for a quiet day.

6:50am - paperwork is caught up. Now I wait for the coffee shop in the lobby to open. I've got 10 minutes. I think I'm going to live dangerously and go for caffeinated today!

7:17am - I have free coffee (with caffeine) and pastry. The day can officially begin.

7:56am - I just finished my first EKG of the day. Since we have all that patient confidentiality BS I can't talk about her but I don't think her husband is covered by that. The first thing I notice when I walk in the room is his San Francisco 49er jacket. I immediately offered my condolences, as I often do when meeting a 49er fan (Maura can attest to that). This led to a nice sports discussion and the revelation that he and his wife have been together for over 50 years. Hard to believe but there are still people out there who make it work. That is one thing I will miss, meeting couples who still obviously love each other after decades of marriage. Especially these two because if I were her, I would have dumped him the second I found out he was a 49er fan.

8:22am - Just got my first piece of cake for the day. Everyone here knows about my love of all things butter creme so I expect more before the day is out. This one is homemade with chocolate frosting made by Rock, the hottest male nurse in the hospital. His muscles alone make him hotter than McSteamy and McDreamy combined and damn, he makes a good cake.

9:06am - That's 2 EKG's for the day. I've mostly been visiting with co-workers and rubbing it in that this is my last day. I'm evil but it's so much fun! and seriously, today is all about me.....right?

10:28am - No I haven't been busy, just finished my third EKG. I've been visiting with people and making smart ass comments in an attempt to get fired so I can go home early. Basically my motto for the day is "What are they going to do, fire me?" Go right ahead and do it so I can go home and watch General Hospital.

1:15pm - Still not busy. I've done 7 EKG's. The hospital bought pizza for the entire hospital staff so I was hanging out with the Respiratory Therapists waiting for the pizza. Soon I will be eating a cupcake that has about 2 or 3 inches of butter creme frosting on it, my going away gift from my manager. She knows me so well.

1:50pm - Had a little rush there, I did 2 EKG's in a row. I'm starting to feel like I'm at work which isn't really what I had in mind for my last day. And where is my cupcake, dammit!

2:33pm - Crap! The doctor showed up to read the EKG's from the last 24 hours. I'm actually going to have to work. I have to type up his reports and make copies, do filing. And I still don't have my cupcake! I'm gonna need the sugar rush to make it through the rest of the day.

5:20pm/5:45pm - I still haven't been that busy but the stupid fracking computer went down so I couldn't update until now and I know you've all been waiting to find out if I finally got my cupcake. The answer is yes and it was very yummy. Really all I have left to do is a little filing then, at 6:30pm, I can get the hell out of Dodge. I'd really like to say "Fuck it" and leave the filing for my soon to be ex co-worker but she knows where I live so I shouldn't piss her off.

National Freedom Day

2007-01-31T19:53:00.000-08:00

According to the calendar I saw today, tomorrow is "National Freedom Day". I'm not sure exactly what that means, I guess I'm supposed to appreciate the fact that I can play poker online in the comfort of my own home......wait a minute.....Actually this post has nothing to do with poker, the UIGEA or Neteller. For me, tomorrow is the start of a new type of freedom.

Tomorrow at 6:30pm PST, I will be walking out of the hospital I've worked at for the past five years and not going back. Yes, tomorrow is my last day of 12 hour torture as an EKG Technician. No more early mornings. No more sweaty boobs and hairy chests. No more doctors acting like they are gods while they treat their patients like crap. No more evil co-worker from hell.

After tomorrow I will be working from home. Sleeping in, staying up late, as long as my work gets done, I can set my own schedule. How fraking cool is that??

So Far, I Like It

2007-01-05T23:23:00.000-08:00

My first week on my new work schedule went well. For those not paying attention, I'm working 2 twelve hour shifts at the hospital per week leaving me with 5 days off. Not really off, but with no commute, as my other job I can do from home or anywhere else with wireless access. 12 hours is a little much on my still bruised knee but one of the advantages to working in a hospital is an unlimited supply of ice packs.

Poker has sucked this week. If you are going to enter Al's Blogger Dead Pool, I would be a sure bet right now to be the first blogger to lose my bankroll. It won't hurt my feelings if you decide to put me on your list and I will be honest about being broke so you will get full credit.

Speaking of Dead Pool's, I am taking part in F-Train's pool. It is totally morbid but I actually subscribe to celebrity death beeper and CNN sends me an e-mail whenever someone important dies, so morbid is evidently my thing. For those who want to follow along at home, here is my list:
1. Sid Caesar
2. Dick Clark
3. Tony Curtis
4. Farrah Fawcett
5. Annette Funicello
6. Estelle Getty
7. Zsa Zsa Gabor
8. Charlton Heston
9. Meat Loaf
10. Ricardo Montalbon
11. Harry Morgan
12. Nancy Reagan
13. Keith Richards
14. Nicole Richie
15. Roy Scheider

I realize Fidel Castro is a given and I should have included him, but it just seemed too easy. There were so many choices and selecting just 15 was tough but I'm happy with my list and I think I have a couple of dark horses that may just pay off.

And with that, I am off for tonight.

Welcome 2007!!!

2007-01-01T00:03:00.000-08:00

Thank the gods it is finally 2007! 2006 probably wasn't my worst year ever but it was pretty damn close, at least top 3. My poker game was a great metaphor for my life in general, up and down with me seeing the down more often than I would have liked. I'm hoping the last trip to Vegas will be the turning point for both my game and my life as the highs far outweighed the lows on that trip (and those who were there know about the lows so that is saying a lot).

And that is the last I will be saying about 2006, it's gone, good riddance!

In 2007 I am looking forward to transitioning out of my job at the hospital and into the job I am doing from home for an awesome start-up. This job will also allow me travel if I want as I can work from anywhere with a wireless connection. If I can get my finances in order, I may make some appearances at some of the smaller, non-Vegas, blogger events. Plus I will probably visit my family in Maine a little more often, especially since Jet Blue now flies to Portland.

I am also hoping my poker game improves over the next year. Like I said, Vegas in December was a good start, but I want to see more consistency in my results throughout the year. So far, I've been playing a lot of HORSE on FT and I have been winning more than losing, however I have a lot of holes to plug up before that winning will mean anything. Seriously, if I leave the table with 25 cents more than I started with I consider it a win so the fact that I have been winning isn't a big deal...yet.

And that is pretty much it. No resolutions, just a lot of hope for a better year! May your year be filled with happiness and good health!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Happy Holidays!!!!

2006-12-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

I will be at work for 8 long hours tomorrow. My proposal to kick all the patients out of the hospital so I could have the day off, wasn't accepted so I will be sitting in my department playing poker on my laptop and eating tons of junkfood that I will steal from the other suckers who have to work as well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

The Knee Report

2006-12-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

There is no damage to any tendons or ligaments in my knee. It is just very badly bruised under the kneecap and will take a few months to feel "normal" again. The doctor took away by knee brace and crutches and told me to go back to work. I tried to get an hour restriction out of him but he said to go to work and see what happens. So, I go back tomorrow for a 5 hour shift. Basically, it is going to hurt but I can't do any damage by walking on it. I just have to suck it up and go for it. The real test will be the hockey game on Thursday night as my seats are in the 14th row of the upper bowl. Lots of stairs and they are all concrete. We've seen how well I do with those. Wish me luck!!

The Ugly Pt. 2

2006-12-18T21:35:00.000-08:00

When we last left this tale of woe, I had just flown through the air and landed with a thud on the concrete below. The first thing Maura asked was if I was okay. I said a rather weak no and she then asked me what hurt. I think I may have said everything but it's kind of fuzzy. Maura didn't want me to move but the concrete was cold and I needed to evaluate the damage so I rolled over and, from there, managed to get up on a nearby bench. A passer-by, who must have witnessed my great aerial demonstration, went to get security and I sat in semi-shock trying to decide what hurt the most.

It only took a few seconds to realize that something was wrong with my knee. It was the first part of me to hit the concrete and it hit hard. I also saw blood on my left hand and the ring finger on my right didn't feel good either. I was lucky though, I didn't hit my head and all my Ethel M candy was intact.

Security arrives and it was decided that calling the paramedics would be the best option. In the meantime, they got a wheelchair and took me to the nearest employee break room. Imagine my surprise to see Dove and Ghirardelli chocolate on the table in the Ethel M factory. They said something about Ethel M being affiliated with them but I wasn't buying it.

Once the EMT's arrived things got really interesting. I've got to say, Las Vegas has some HOT paramedics. They asked if I wanted something for pain, which is like asking Al if he wants a SoCo, um....yeah, pain killers would be good. It became a competition between 2 paramedics to see you could start the IV first. Ryan may have won but he left me with one hell of a bruise. Anyway, the morphine hit me quick and I was soon on a stretcher and in an ambulance for the bumpiest, roughest ride of my entire life. I think the driver hit every bump between the chocolate factory and the nearest hospital, which was a good 10 minutes away.

Arriving at a hospital in an ambulance will not get you seen any quicker unless you are near death. At least not in Las Vegas. I was wheeled straight through the ER and into the waiting room where I was triaged and left to wait. Since I was on Morphine I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open but I vaguely recall Maura showing up and eventually being moved into the ER. Once there, I got to sit in a hallway with other patients who were waiting to be seen by the doctor. So much for patient privacy and this was supposed to be the quieter hospital. My business became the business of those around me and I was not too pleased. I work in a hospital and patient privacy is stressed ad naseum so, to me, this was very unprofessional. Of course I was so doped up on Morphine I didn't exactly object.

A doctor finally made her way by my part of the hallway, spent 20 seconds looking at my hand and knee, then ordered the x-rays. I saw her twice more after that for less then 10 seconds and I was released. All-in-all I was at the hospital for 4 or 5 hours to see a doctor for less than 5 minutes. They didn't even clean the blood off my hand.

The verdict was that nothing was broken but I should have an MRI on the knee and not walk on it. Thanks, like the shooting pain every time I tried to bend it didn't clue me in to that fact.

I see the knee doctor on Tuesday to find out the extent of the damage and how much longer I will be sitting at home on my ass. I'm hoping to be out at least through the holidays, and that is looking like a sure thing right now, but I don't want it to be too serious as I'm already getting bored.

Lastly, if it hadn't been for Maura, I wouldn't have gotten through this. She changed our plane reservations, took care of the car rental, made sure I had pain killers to take and waited on me as much as possible. She also called my dad and my work to fill them in on what was happening. I owe her a big thank you, as well as a few Vicodin.

Up next: The good and the bad parts of the trip.

Trip Report: The Ugly, Pt. 1

2006-12-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

Everyone who went on the blogger trip last weekend already knows about the good (tournament) and the bad (wallet) portions of my trip. However, only the few who were in the "girly chat" the other night are aware of "the ugly".

Maura and I had decided when we made our plane reservations to stay until Tuesday the 12th to have a day to decompress before heading back to the "real world". Our plans for the day included chocolate, testing Grubby's slot machines at Green Valley Ranch, and getting some fresh air while looking at some pretty Red Rocks. Well, we almost made it through the first stop.

We drove out the the Ethel M chocolate factory. I can't go to Vegas and not come home with some Satin Cremes, it's impossible. Since we had a car and needed to use up more of the gas, we headed for the birth place of the luscious chocolate instead of one of the many stores in the strip area. Besides, it was on the way to Green Valley Ranch, our next stop.

After getting our free samples and making our purchases we decided to take a stroll through the Cactus Garden. I hear it is beautiful at night as they have it all lit up for the holidays. During the day, it's still neat to check out but it was a bit dreary and overcast. Maybe that should have been a hint to stay away!

While wandering through the garden we decided to head left down a little path of stairs. There was nothing ominous or scary about them but, if this had been an episode of "Lost In Space" the robot would have been yelling "Danger, danger Will Robinson". Me, I would have ignored the damn piece of tin and descended the stairs out of spite. Instead I started down while chatting. Obviously, multi-tasking was not the way to go on this particular set of stairs.

Things were looking good as I descended the first step without a problem. Suddenly, my feet took on a life of their own and I started to fall. I struggled to regain my balance and reached for something to keep me upright. Unfortunately the rail was not within my arm span. I flew forward, over the last couple of stairs and landed, knee and hands first, on the hard concrete below. Imagine if you will, the human cannonball at the circus, mis-firing. I'm fairly certain that is what I looked like. Maura will have to verify. Upon landing, I looked like I was making a snow angel, only I decided to fall forward into the snow instead of backward. If only there had been snow underneath to break my fall. Concrete hurts!

Next up: Part 2, Morphine, sweet Morphine!

You Know Who You Are

2006-12-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

I just wish I knew your identity. Anyway, whoever you are, you know what you did and I thank you very much. If you are at the blogger gathering this weekend please identify yourself so I can buy you a drink to say thanks. I don't know what I did to deserve it but thanks, again.

I Apologize in Advance

2006-12-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

I just marked everything as "read" in Bloglines, on purpose. Usually I do it accidentally, a mis-click of the mouse, but I was so overwhelmed with the number of posts I made the decision to start over. So, when I see you this weekend and you start talking about stuff you have posted on your blog, don't be surprised if you are met with a blank stare. With a couple of exceptions, I have no clue what has been going on with anyone in the past two or so months. At least I won't be at a loss for topics of conversation.

See you in Vegas!

I Need Friends

2006-11-24T00:21:00.000-08:00

I have jumped on the MySpace bandwagon and created a profile. Now I need friends. So far I have Joanada and 2 other requests out. Please help a girl out and be my friend!

http://www.myspace.com/aprilinca

God that sounded fucking pathetic.

No Excuses

2006-11-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

"The Wave should only be done at slow sporting events, like Baseball."

This is something I wrote in my little notebook last night as I watched the Wave move it's way around HP Pavilion during the Sharks hockey game. The last thing I want at a hockey game is people jumping up in front of me while my favorite player is taking a shot on net. Even though it started during a stoppage in play, it continued after the puck was dropped and I was not pleased. Fucking tourists!

Speaking of tourists, I will once again be making the trek to Vegas for the December blogging event. Check raising drunk cowboys brings such joy to my life, I really can't wait. I will be rooming with Hella Shelly along with Maura, who some may remember from my first blogger trip. It is also looking like a special guest will be making an appearance as well. For now I am keeping the identity under wraps just to annoy the crap out of the other attendees.

I finally got to meet my nephew a few weeks ago and I have to say, I almost reconsidered my decision to not have children. Then I came to my senses and kicked a two year old. Whew, that was a close call. Seriously, he is about the sweetest child I have ever met. Then again, he's only 8 months old and can't talk back yet. Once they start talking, it goes down hill fast. Evidently there are some decent photos of me holding the kid. Maybe I'll post one at some point.

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

2006-10-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

I walked for Asthma research almost 3 weeks ago. I meant to update and thank everyone before now but, life has had other things in mind. Nothing bad, just busy. I just want to thank everyone who donated to the American Lung Association. I was able to raise over $600 for Asthma research and that was near the top out of everyone involved in the walk.

The day was cold and overcast but we had a good time. I finished the 5K in about an hour, which, considering I never exercise, is pretty damn good. So here is the final list of all those I need to thank:

Chilly
My April Twin
Easycure and Easycure's mom
Bobby Bracelet
Mr. Speaker
StB
Donkey Puncher
CJ
Gracie

If I forgot anyone, please leave me a comment and I'll add you to the list. I tried to keep track but I get distracted easily. Again, I thank you all. I really appreciate the support and my whole team thanks you!

Chilly is the grand prize winner. He gets to rename my blog for a week. I'll send you an e-mail so we can work out the when.

THANKS!!!!

Long Overdue

2006-09-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy, as always with me, and in all the craziness I forgot to mention my new sponsor (no, not the AA kind). Basically, it was discovered that I do have a price so I'd like to welcome the fine folks from Tightpoker.com to my blog. I hope they don't live to regret this decision when they realize how much my blog truly sucks!

Also long overdue has been any talk about poker on this blog. I haven't played a lot since the Vegas trip as I was in a bad down turn that continued throughout the trip. I seriously couldn't win if my life depended on it and I decided when I got home to take a little break. I ended up playing a bit over the last couple of weeks and I must say, not a damn thing has changed. I still can't win. Actually that is not entirely true. I get ahead and continue to play only to give back my profits and then some. I guess I just don't know when to stop. It happened in Vegas as well. At one point I had doubled my buy-in but I was having so much fun, I kept on playing. By the end of the night I had about $6 left.

It's actually a problem I've had since I started playing poker. I can't get myself up from the table no matter what. On-line or live it doesn't matter, I don't have the discipline to stop when the table changes or the cards go cold and I still have some money left. Any advice????

Still Around

2006-09-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I am still alive but it's been crazy the past couple of weeks. Between health issues and work I haven't had time for anything else except sleep.

I still need donations for the Asthma walk that takes place in a couple of weeks so I am opening up my poker accounts for donations. If you haven't donated and are still interested you can make a transfer to April98 on either Full Tilt or Poker Stars. I would really, really appreciate the donations and there is still a chance to out donate Chilly for the right to rename my blog.

To Donate:
Transfer to April98 on Full Tilt or Poker Stars
or
Direct link to my donation page

THANKS!!!

Update!!!

2006-09-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

Time for another 5K Asthma walk donation update.

First, there is a new leader. Chilly has edged out my twin and has a good chance of getting the opportunity to rename my blog for a week. I won't repeat what April said when I revealed this news to her but if I were you Chilly, I'd be watching my back.

Second, there is still time to make donations and to make an even bigger donation than Chilly to take the renaming rights away. I haven't reached my personal goal yet and my team still needs a lot of help with the team goal so please keep donating.

Direct link to my donation page

And now, thanks to everyone who has gotten off their ass and donated.

Chilly
My April Twin
Easycure and Easycure's mom
Bobby Bracelet
Mr. Speaker
StB
Donkey Puncher
CJ

Again, thanks for the donations and if you haven't donated yet PLEASE DONATE SOON!!!! PLEASE!!!!