One Step At A Time

The application for the Vet. Tech. program has been sent and my transcripts should be on the way soon but I still have an interesting conundrum to consider. Only 40 applicants get accepted to the program and, if they get more than 40 qualified applicants, they select through a random draw. I won't find out until after July 15th but I probably have to take 2 online introduction to veterinary assistant courses this summer that start in June. I hate spending money on classes before I know if I'm getting into the program but if I don't take the classes, they may revoke the offer if I do get a spot. Plus, I have to deal with unemployment if I want to do any sort of schooling. I was hoping to put that off until September, when the program actually starts but now I may have to deal with them in the next couple of weeks. Ugh...just when I thought I could sit back and wait for an answer.

If I knew I was getting into the program I would probably take Chemistry this summer as well. It is one of 2 General Education requirements I have to take because it has been over 6 years since I had college Chemistry and I didn't exactly pass it with the requisite "C". I also have to take Microbiology at some point but they recommend taking Chemistry first. Since Foothill is on the quarter system instead of semester system, both classes meet almost every day of the week and for several hours on lab days. It would be nice to get it over with before I start the Vet. Tech courses but, again, it's a lot of money to spend for something I may not get into.

I think I will probably take the 2 online courses. I don't think they will cost that much and the information will be good to have even if I don't get into the program. I just wish I had decided to do all this sooner so I wouldn't feel quite so overwhelmed by it all. Unfortunately I can't predict when moments of clarity are going to hit me and that is what really started this whole journey anyway.

I Have A Plan

One thing that volunteering at the wildlife center has done is reminded me how much I love animals and how at peace I am with myself when I am around them. There is something about feeding a tiny bird that can't fend for itself that just puts everything into perspective. Considering I have been unemployed for over a year, it feels like the right time to go after a dream I have had for as long as I can remember, getting paid to help animals. Actually I wish I had decided to do this sooner because an important deadline is looming, but hindsight and all that.

My plan is to apply to the Veterinary Technology program at Foothill College. But, while this plan seems simple enough, I'm not sure it is as doable as I thought. It is a tough program, difficult to get into and even more difficult to stay in. The application deadline is June 1st and they only let 40 people in. Since they always get way more applicants than they have slots for, the qualified applicants get put into a pool and basically get selected by random draw. So, if I manage to get everything done in time, there is no guarantee that I will get into the program.

The next problem is what happens to my unemployment if I go to school full time? Right now this is my only source of income and if I lose it, I can't pay my bills let alone pay for school. This means I need to find out about alternate sources to pay for school and try to find another source of income, like a job, to pay the bills. I've been looking for a job for over a year, I'm not all that positive that I will suddenly find one now and without a job or an unemployment check, I'm screwed.

This leads to another issue, the vet. tech. program is 2 years of full time study. They don't want the people in the program to work as there just isn't time, especially in the second year when the student do clinicals as well as school work. It is made very clear in the application that if you have to work, you need to notify the people in charge of the program so they can determine if you are going to be able to do both. I understand why, with so many applicants they need to be sure they select people who will stick with it and succeed. Holding down a job plus being part of the program would probably be too much to handle for most people and I am probably one of them.

So, where does that leave my plan? I'm still going to apply and, if I get in, start praying that money suddenly falls from the sky or that I can get enough aid to do this. I'll be seeing about the aid at the end of the week but I don't know if this is a program that would qualify for the re-training programs that are available. If it doesn't and I get accepted, I don't know what I will do. Of course if I don't get accepted, it won't matter. Still, I am really hoping it will all work out somehow. I just wish I knew how.

Focus

Tonight I was not a very focused person. Not that I needed to be but I can tell the difference between normal non-focused and completely out of my mind non-focused. I was completely out of my mind. At one point there was too much going on at once and I almost lost it.

My mind still feels muddled but at least the house is quiet now. I'm just going to sit here a while and enjoy the silence.

"Have you thought of getting into writing?"

It has been over 20 years since I have seen him or spoken to him and after just a few e-mails that was his question. I apparently have a "remarkable turn of phrase and a way with words" and he thinks I would be "kick ass at it". Interesting observation on his part considering our e-mail exchanges consisted of some harsh truth and complete honesty. I guess I do have a way of telling it like it is and not sugar coating but does that really translate into any type of meaningful writing?

When I was young I liked to write stories. They were usually of the horror or scary variety, though I doubt they would have scared a kindergärtner, and really weren't all that creative. I'm too analytical to be creative or I would have probably gone into some sort of graphic art or design. I think at some point I realized that and stopped trying to be the next Stephen King. What I did notice was that I could write one hell of an essay on just about any given topic. In college I even had a professor keep a copy of one of my essay's to read to future students as an example of A+ work. I was proud of that essay but no longer have a copy of my own so I don't really remember what I wrote.

So, what does this mean for my future as a writer? Absolutely nothing as I don't believe I have one but it has reminded me why I really started blogging. It was never about being a poker blogger or any kind of blogger really, that was just a perk. For me it was a place to express myself in any way I wanted, about any topic I felt like writing about but somewhere I lost my way. I started trying to hard and the writing suffered. It started to feel forced and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I'd start to think about writing something then get a knot in my stomach because I was afraid it wouldn't sound like me or it would be too boring or not interesting enough. I realized I was no longer blogging for myself and cared too much what others thought. Considering I have a large group of friends who seem to like me for who I am, that line of thinking isn't really all that logical.

With all that said, this blog is going back to what it used to be, a place where I write what I want, when I want and it either gets read or it doesn't. People will like it, or they won't. It makes no difference to me. And who knows, maybe once in a while I'll write something "kick-ass" that has a "remarkable turn of phrase". You never know, it's happened before.